No Pearls in the Citadel

There are those who, when bored, will do whatever possible to see that they are entertained- even if it means arranging the misadventures of a friend. It’s like how a mother will dress her child in a heavy sweater because the mother, herself, is cold.

That is how Sister Madly found herself fleeing the Dodo amidst a flurry of baguettes and day-old cupcakes (they weren’t called the Dark Ages for nothing!) in the hopes of seeking sanctuary in what she thought was the Tower.

black pearls nat geo


“No Pearls in the Citadel!”

So it was a Citadel, for what difference it makes; as for that bit about the pearls- those things are just plain creepy. A pearl is a small, lustrous piece of calcium carbonate that forms around a foreign object- such as a grain of sand or a broken bit of shell- inside a living mollusk. Living. Liv-ing. Face it, folks: wearing a pearl ring is like wearing a kidney stone.

So imagine a young Sister Madly’s disappointment the day she learned that a grain of sand heartlessly shoved into a living creature in the hopes that it produces a bead- and not even a sparkly bead at that- was her birthstone. Had she known this, she would have campaigned her way out of the womb a few days earlier, and settled for an emerald.

“No Pearls in the Citadel!”

plague doctor christopher lovell

There’s also no bat-crazy corpse-bird brandishing medieval pastries in a threatening manner, sir, and right now that’s all she cares about.

But this garnered no sympathy whatsoever from the Guardian of the Pearl (that apparently was not in the Citadel.) No one ever seemed particularly sympathetic to Sister Madly’s plight when it involved the Dodo- true, she made it through those plights without much damage to body and soul, but this was largely due to her own incompetence rather than ability.

You see, Sister Madly was conscripted into the Battle of the Baked Goods by people she called friends, O-Guardian-of-the-Pearl-that-is-Not-in-the-Citadel. And while it’s true that she is currently dodging this draft- and not discreetly- she has a very good reason for doing so: gluten intolerance. Not since the Inquisition has Sister Madly seen such flagrant bigotry- bashing people about the head with loaves of French bread is a terrible mistreatment of gluten.

But more importantly, deep down inside of her shoe, her sock is slipping off.

With this the Guardian of the Citadel sans Pearl sympathized, as he himself must have once suffered the agony of a sock bunching up around the toes. It wasn’t enough to let her into the Citadel, however; that was accomplished by a horrifying tantrum, the likes of which even Sister Madly was unaware that she could achieve.

As she attempted to fix her sock in the safety of the Citadel, she thought back upon the events concerning the Baguettes and the Bird, and wondered if the source of her most spectacular problems were not her enemies, but her friends.*

trigger man

*It was at this moment that Sister Madly, in her attempt to shake out the knotted-up sock, launched the paisley missile straight out the window.

Just as it was no accident that she was drafted into battle, it was no coincidence that she found herself facing the Dodo on that field wielding a rosemary garlic baguette in a brilliant display of Baked Good Justice. Sister Madly, on the other hand… all she had was a little cocktail umbrella some medieval tart had stuck behind her ear-

No throwing socks out of the Citadel!

elise marie syvertsen 2

If a sock wanders off, sir, it is not for Sister Madly to ask it why. Losing a sock to the wild unknown is what being human is all about and that was the Dodo, wasn’t it?

Of course that was the Dodo, Sister Madly- who else would it be? And it was not due to the magic of the universe, coincidence, or synchronicity that he showed up outside your window, but as a result of the prevailing boredom of your very capable ‘friends.’

But don’t rule out the fact that the Dodo was all-too willing to comply.


Laugh it up, Chuckles, but paisley is chic! Besides, no one was suppose to see her socks.

Now, one might expect some clever repartee to ensue, perhaps even to the point of threatening future retribution. But no; instead, she watched the Dodo silently walked away with her paisley sock!!!

Well of all the cheek! Your friends may very-well be the source of your problems, Sister Madly, but your enemies are certainly the backup power unit.

“He’s just contributing to your humanity,” said the Guardian of the Nonexistent Pearl.

… Enemies whose number is ever-growing, and whom Sister Madly informed that until she once again had her sock- or a viable substitute- she would not be leaving the precious Citadel.

That is when a purple Crown Royal bag came flying through the window.


Let‘s face it, Sister Madly: the source of all your problems is you.

 *Sister Madly still has no idea what the deal was with the Pearls, other than the fact that there weren’t any in the Citadel.

THEME SONG: Like a Friend, Pulp


2) Christopher Lovell
4) Elise Marie Syvertsen


26 responses

  1. It was good of some wayward Canuck to keep the pearl and give you the shell Ms Madly.

    Canucks are well schooled in such, Pearl = Bottle of Crown Royal and Purple Bag = Shell.

    The only other consideration that comes immediately to mind is that it was very kind of that wayward Canuck to supply you a sock while leaving a small moppet somewhere in, “The Great White North” with no transport device for their, cats eyes, purees and boulders.

    Liked by 1 person

    December 3, 2015 at 5:37 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Is that what he meant- Canadian Whiskey? I have no problem with that kind of pearl, and will proudly proclaim it to be my birthstone!

      And the purple bag didn’t quite fit as a sock.

      Liked by 1 person

      December 3, 2015 at 1:06 PM

      • Excellent choice of stone! Ya kennaw be storming bastions or citadels with nary a drap of fortitude!

        The bairn was feart of losing his marbles and will take the bag if ya nae be needing.

        Lang may yer lum reek!

        Liked by 1 person

        December 3, 2015 at 1:39 PM

        • Sister Madly

          All I got out of that is how proud you are of your heritage… ;c)

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 1:47 PM

        • And maybe never leave an open bottle around. 😉

          Kids love, or did, those bags for keeping their marbles in so if you don’t need the sock…..

          At the end I said, may you live long and be well.


          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 1:52 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Actually, as a kid I thought those bags were specifically made for marbles. I couldn’t understand why my folks wouldn’t get me one.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 2:59 PM

        • Now you can have it all and you`ll never lose your marbles.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:12 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I’ve lost all my marbles years ago. Or maybe I sold them. Can’t quite remember.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:24 PM

        • If I could get a certain someone out of Jamaica I`d ask after your marbles.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:54 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Hmm… I kind of like being marble free.

          As for that certain someone… would that be a flamingo?

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 4:11 PM

        • Sorry to intrude. Forgot to leave you something functional and maybe a life statement too.

          Hey, IDWIC

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 2:55 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Life statement indeed!

          Besides, mornings are for angels.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:12 PM

  2. locksley2010

    So that’s why the Dodo was looking so smug…..

    Liked by 2 people

    December 3, 2015 at 12:11 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Ah yes, the universal ‘I Stole a Paisley Sock’ look. I’d recognize it anywhere. How did you manage to capture it on film?


      December 3, 2015 at 1:10 PM

      • locksley2010

        Let’s just say there was me, a friend’s wedding and some shifty looking guy taking pleasure from the chaos he was causing. Plus he had jelly beans. And when I saw this I remembered your blog about the Dodo pills. Took a pic and hey presto…. There he was!

        Liked by 2 people

        December 3, 2015 at 1:50 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Jelly beans- dead giveaway! Some creatures ought to learn discretion when causing chaos.

          I will say this: it was mighty fine of him to dress up for the occasion.

          Liked by 2 people

          December 3, 2015 at 2:56 PM

        • locksley2010

          Apparently he likes to fit in…. The camouflage of such a beast!

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 2:59 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I hadn’t even thought of that! Camouflage… of all the nerve…

          He didn’t follow you home, did he? Steal all the socks out of your sock drawer- or worse, the whiskey?!

          Liked by 2 people

          December 3, 2015 at 3:08 PM

        • locksley2010

          Nah, he took off as soon as he knew as I was onto him, I mean- he was even wearing the same outfit as me! So off he went before everyone else noticed his real face. Whiskey all safe and stored!

          Liked by 2 people

          December 3, 2015 at 3:11 PM

        • Sister Madly

          He was posing as you?! This IS getting serious! Let us hope you are not framed for the next murder of a sock puppet!

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:23 PM

        • locksley2010

          Let us hope so indeed! I think some countermeasures are in need of devising should I encounter him again…. Will keep you informed!

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:28 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I’ll be standing by.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:35 PM

        • locksley2010


          Liked by 1 person

          December 3, 2015 at 3:38 PM

  3. My lord, you’re entertaining as hell

    Liked by 1 person

    December 3, 2015 at 7:38 PM

If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.