Sister Madly has to admit, she’s been having difficulty sleeping as of late- why, just a few weeks ago, she shamelessly punched herself in the face. This time, her angelic slumber became the envy of every Olympian, a magnificent performance ending with a triple-twist, half-pike, supersonic back-flip that landed her spread-eagle, face-first in the mattress.
What startled this sleeping cherub into a routine of otherwise impossible acrobatics was nothing short of a nuclear detonation: indeed, it was a text at 3:37 AM telling her that Art Bell had died.
It’s amazing how deafening the voice of Eric Idle* can be at 3:37 AM.
* She should mention that her text notification is Eric Idle of Monty Python fame, declaring ‘Message for you, sir!’ She thought it clever at the time.
She regrets that now.
To be fair, Sister Madly never outlined the proper procedure on notifying her of the death of Art Bell, so she can’t place all the blame on her PhD friend.*
* She neglected to do the same regarding the deaths of Leonard Nimoy and Stephen Hawking back in the day. Those texts came in at 4:04 and 4:23 AM, respectively.
Clearly, the Professor was having a bit of pillow talk with a Reaper- which is not a bad connection to have. Sister Madly’s connections includes a Phlebotomist, from which she has yet to benefit… but now sees a way in which she can.
It’s not revenge so much as ‘returning the favor.’
But just as she was romanticizing phlebotomic revenge upon the nocturnal Professor, Eric Idle announced but another special delivery:
And just what, exactly, is she meant to do with this information? Why is the water high? Does it have the munchies? Perhaps she is supposed to bring it treats…
So, the Puddle wants Dim Sum. It’s got fancy, hipster munchies.
Sister Madly was beginning to miss the good ol’ days, when messages were delivered via carrier pigeon- not that she was around in those days, but she misses them nonetheless.
Then again, that means a flock of pigeons would, at this moment, be cooing outside her window, with messages inviting her to join a Puddle with the Muchies for Dim Sum to commemorate the life of Art Bell- and pigeons have even less respect for windows than they do statues.
On the other hand, Sister Madly does have a few recipes for pigeon, and she’s been wondering where to procure such a beast… no doubt that is the tasty origin of the term “shoot the messenger.”
Sister Madly is pretty certain that Art Bell covered that topic at least once in his career, Professor, so she sees absolutely no reason to bring it up now.*
* 4:15 AM.
And if there is a pizza flying over your house, Professor, it is not a UFO.
“Space Cowboy Apollo.”
Tallulah… was your dear, sweet, angelic-younger-sibling-who-knows-where-you-sleep-and-has-access-to-a-spare-key-and-a-Phlebotomist just as maddening in days of yore? Be honest now… Sister Madly is trying to find the source of this Karma.
“Danger Bird on Ellipses!”
Update: Sister Madly has just fired Eric Idle as her messenger and switched to something called “Pebble.”
People throw pebbles, you know…
DRUNKEN SHEPHERD’S PIE
- 1 lb lamb, cubed
- 3-4 cups beef stock
- 1½ cups stout, divided (1/2 cup; 1 cup)
- Shot of whiskey (opt)
- 1 onion, chopped
- 3 garlic cloves, minced
- Assorted vegetables, chopped (carrots, mushrooms, green beans, etc)
- 3 TBSP Worcestershire
- 1 bay leaf
- 1 tsp ground mustard
- 1 tsp thyme
- ½ tsp sage
- ½ tsp nutmeg
- ¼ tsp cayenne, or to taste
- salt, to taste
- 1lb (approx.) potatoes/cauliflower, cooked and mashed*
- cheddar cheese, grated
* Follow favorite mash recipe
Brown lamb on all sides; set aside
Add onions; sauté until translucent; 8-10 min
Add garlic; sauté 2-3 min
Add spices; sauté until fragrant; 30 sec
Deglaze with ½ cup stout; 2-3 min
Add lamb, vegetables, Worcestershire, whiskey, and remaining stout; bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer 1½ – 2 hours
Divide stew amongst oven-proof ramakins (remove bay leaf)
Top with mash; sprinkle cheese over mash
Bake @ 400* for 25-30 min, or until mash is crispy
THEME SONG: For Whom the Bell Tolls, Metallica
2) Chris Clor