Once again, it is that magical time of year, when Sister Madly hosts her annual Dumb Supper. The current guest list reads as follows:
- Leonard Cohen
- Vincent Price
- David Bowie
In the past, Sister Madly had difficulties when it came to her guests- in particular, how to go about inviting them. Tracking down the Dearly-Departed is trickier than one might think, and Sister Madly has been unsuccessful in the past.*
* She assumes she was unsuccessful, but it was a Dumb Supper- her guests might have just been silent the entire time.
However, she hoped to change all that with the help of this handy guide:
“From midnight supper for two, to ‘deadly little dinners’ and smashing soirees for the gang…”
By ‘deadly little dinners,’ one must assume the authors had hosted a Dumb Supper or two during their bachelorette days. Thus it was necessary to follow the recipes verbatim- or as verbatim as possible.
DUMB SUPPER MENU
- Surly Steak
- Cheaters Garlic Bread
- Wild Rice
- Sculptor’s Salad with Sour Cream
- Layer Cake
~ “Buy a good piece of meat from your twinkly-eyed butcher and treat it with tender loving care.”
Already, Sister Madly was off to a bad start: the twinkle had gone out of the butcher’s eye a long time ago. He did have a tooth that caught the light rather fetchingly, but the book said nothing about his teeth.*
* Unfortunately, her Dumb Supper was served without the Surly Steak, as she was unable to find a twinkly-eyed butcher in her hometown.
CHEATERS GARLIC BREAD
~ “You’re really missing something if you don’t know how to make garlic bread.”
Now, there may be some truth to this: Sister Madly does not know how to make garlic bread, and her favorite rock has been missing since childhood. There is no denying the correlation here; she must master the art of garlic bread, or be rock-less for life.
~ “Buy a good packaged garlic spread at the market. Follow the directions on the jar. Magnifique!”
Just as her market did not have a twinkly-eyed butcher, they did not have garlic spread. They did, however, have ready-to-bake garlic bread, so Sister Madly scraped off the garlic spread, then spread it back on the bread- which, admittedly, was not very magnifique. Also, she burnt the bread, so… no garlic bread either.
~ “Open a can, drain off excess juice, and toss with lots of butter.
Clearly this is why Sister Madly is single: she has been cooking her wild rice before consumption. And now she has a random can of corn from which the excess juice has been drained, and she’s not exactly sure what to do with it.
Also, please note the most excellent presentation.
SCULPTOR’S SALAD WITH SOUR CREAM
~ “Tear up whatever greens you have on hand.”
Sister Madly does not keep leafy things on hand as she is not a rabbit. Her neighbors, however, seem to have some greenery, but they are currently smoking it and are disinclined to serve it up for her Dumb Supper.
So she settled on a serrano pepper, a green glow-stick, and some frozen chives… again, note the excellent presentation.
~ “Add sliced tomato, or what you will.”
Like the leafy things, Sister Madly does not have any tomatoes- as she is not a rabbit, neither is she a barbarian. So she added ‘what she willed’- which was old watch parts.
~ “Sprinkle generously with salt and cracked black pepper.”
As you can see, Sister Madly is the soul of generosity; and for a bit of exotic flair, she substituted Sichuan Peppercorn for black.
~ “When ready to serve, toss with sour cream.”
The salad had been tossed; Sister Madly just didn’t capture the moment.
That looks like something David Bowie would eat, doesn’t it?
~ “That towering, toothsome Layer Cake is magically made from a mix- but you get all the credit.”
As there are no instructions on how to bake said mix, Sister Madly must assume one is meant to eat the raw batter.
Truly, this is cookbook that understands the Single Girl.
MARSALA CHICKEN WINGS
- 1 tsp marjoram
- ½ tsp thyme
- 1 TBSP garlic, minced
- Oil, as needed
- 2 cups sweet marsala
- ¼ cup coconut aminos/low sodium soy
- 2-3 TBSP maple syrup, or to taste
- 1 TBSP Worcestershire Sauce
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- ¼ tsp chipotle, or to taste
Mix together marinade ingredients
Add chicken; shake/mix to coat
Cover; refrigerate for 30 min – 24hrs
Add glaze ingredients to pan; bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer until glaze thickens
Preheat oven to 400*
Place chicken on greased baking rack in tray
Bake 30 min
Remove from oven, brush chicken with glaze
Return to oven; bake 10-15 min, or until cooked through
Brush with remaining glaze straight from oven