Arayes ~ Sins of the Father

There was a time when Sister Madly & Co. would swank about town in search of the next great adventure. One such swank landed them at a local Chinese Restaurant, where they were greeted by a King Crab on Ice wearing a Party Hat.

Now Sister Madly has never tasted King Crab, nor does she see herself succumbing to such lunacy anytime soon. Seriously, who was the ruffian that first waltzed into the Alaskan Sea, encountered the giant, spiky, pinchy water-spider and bellowed, “Alas, fellow countrymen- tonight, we feast!” ?

Of course, the evening would not be complete without the Professor’s friend, a former Seminary Student turned Reverend Lump of No Fun, who immediately announced to the good people knee-deep in TGIF Celebrations that he does not eat shellfish.

Well, Sister Madly does not play the bassoon, but she does not turn Town Crier every time she passes by the symphony. She simply goes through life not playing the bassoon.

The Professor, however, assumed that Reverend Lump made such an announcement due to a shellfish allergy.

… is announcing that one has a shellfish allergy typical of a shellfish allergy? Does Benadryl* relieve that particular symptom?

* Due to its spectacular send-a-person-into-a-coma skills, Benadryl very-well might alleviate this symptom.

The aforementioned allergy also compelled Reverend Lump dissect his egg rolls and pull out all the pork.

Now Sister Madly is rumored to be a picky eater, but not to the degree of dissecting an egg roll to remove the offending foodstuff. She prefers to throw a tantrum whenever it finds its way onto her plate.

When asked why he didn’t just order the vegetable egg rolls, Reverend Lump said that while he was ‘forbidden’ from eating pork, he quite liked the flavor, and was willing to spend the extra millennia in extracting it from said egg roll. Sister Madly had to admire the lengths he took to find a loophole in his particular belief system.

Reverend Lump went on to say that pork was considered unclean, and the Old Testament forbade the eating of unclean animals, including storks and bats.

Damn. There goes her dinner plans.

While this may seem rigid, he said, it was nothing compared to the restrictions his Catholic Friend faced, who wasn’t even allowed to eat Chicken in a Biskit during Lent. Catholic Friend used to eat these unholy crackers by the case, until biblical, brotherly love compelled Reverend Lump to point out that the crackers were flavored with real chicken, which violated the whole No-Meat-During-Lent thing.

Sister Madly was beginning to think his refusal to eat King Crab had nothing to do with an allergy.*

* But that doesn’t mean the coma-inducing Benadryl wouldn’t benefit him greatly.

Now the Professor- who acknowledged these dietary practices without batting an eye- is the same creature who once suffered a psychotic break when Sister Madly ordered French fries with her port. Clearly her culinary no-no was as much a theological faux pas as Bat and Stork Bolognese.

This was confirmed when Reverend Lump suffered a similar meltdown over the story of the unholy port and spud combo. He went on to say that the wine at the Last Supper and the Wedding at Cana was most likely unfermented grape juice.

If so, that doesn’t mean wine is forbidden; it meant that they were serving French Fries at the same time- which, when paired with wine, is a gastronomical sin.

And the Son of God cannot sin!

“Which is why he served grape juice.”

Every ideology, philosophy, religion, diet, etc, has its zealots, but Sister Madly had somehow managed to find her way into its Mecca- all the while not playing the bassoon.

ARAYES

  • 1lbs minced lamb
  • 1TBSP ras el hanout
  • 2 tsp smoked paprika
  • 2 tsp ground coriander
  • 1 tsp cumin
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • ½ sm onion, diced
  • 1 tomato, diced
  • salt/pepper, to taste
  • 4+ pitas, sliced in half
  • Oil
  • Tzatziki, for serving

Preheat oven 375*
Combine lamb, onions, garlic, tomato, and spices; mix well
Stuff halved pita pockets with meat mixture
~ Alternatively, spread mixture on pita slice and fold in half ~
Brush pita with oil (both sides); place on foil-line baking sheet
Bake for 7 min
Flip pitas; bake for additional 6-7 min*
Serve with tzatziki

Federal Guidelines recommend cooking lamb to a minimum temp of 160*, but since the Feds have been doing some very disrespectful and naughty things in her City, Sister Madly cooked hers to medium just to spite them.
She also ripped the tags off her new pillow.

THEME SONG: Summer Wine, Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra


Images:

1.) amazing-places.com
2.) pinterest
3.) pinterest
4.) pinterest
5.) pinterest

10 responses

  1. You have put into words something that always gets under my skin. Why can’t they just eat what they should, and leave me out of it completely?

    I also have a friend who gets offended when someone offers her food she is allergic to. Like we are keeping track.

    Good to see you/ read you!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 20, 2020 at 7:19 AM

    • Even more frustrating is when they become offended when offered food that does not comply with their fad diet of the day!

      Good to hear from you as well!

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2020 at 11:50 AM

  2. Hi hi…love your post and the meme on Jesus turning water to wine got me laughing out loud 👍🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    August 20, 2020 at 7:33 AM

    • I believe this is how Judas’ betrayal really went down!

      Like

      August 20, 2020 at 11:52 AM

  3. I love coming to your site. I never know what the heck I’ll find here! But whatever it is, I know I’ll love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 20, 2020 at 12:30 PM

    • I never know what I’m going to find here either! ;~D

      Thank you, my friend!

      Like

      August 20, 2020 at 1:47 PM

  4. locksley2010

    Ah yes, the kill-joy that is Reverend Lump…. I hate people like that. Sounds more like excuses for attention than anything else.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 20, 2020 at 2:51 PM

    • Oh, if all he wants is attention, I’m sure there are ways to make certain he gets ALLLLLLL the attention! };~o

      Morbid curiosity does make me wonder what goes on in his church…

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2020 at 3:37 PM

  5. Sun Hesper Jansen

    If Marilyn Monroe can pair champagne and potato chips, the Modernized Dietrich should enjoy her port and french fries in peace. Also, I now have the delightful mission in mind of visiting my local (obscenely overpriced) seafood center and asking the price of the “giant, spiky, pinchy water-spider” in the window.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 24, 2020 at 5:14 PM

    • Suddenly I find myself picturing the pinchy water-spider crawling across my wall and spinning a web in the corner…

      …please eat the water-spider before I have nightmares tonight. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      August 25, 2020 at 9:56 AM

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