Dashboard Cookies ~ Disasterchef: Netherworld

And on the 26th of June, in Year 2 of the Plague, a minion of the Netherworld thought it a fine idea to open the Gates of Hell.*

* No, it was NOT Sister Madly. She has an alibi.

This resulted in a weekend of record heat, officially topping out at 116*F/46*C on the final day (119*F/48*C in Sister Madly’s neighborhood, but the National Weather Service doesn’t give a hoot about her Neighborhood, the scalawags) which she sweated out like a champ.

A surly, sluggish, salty AF champ.

Because she’s a strong, independent Moppet who don’t need no air conditioning!

When she heard about the impending ‘heat dome,’ Sister Madly went through the customary stages of weather-related grief:

  • doubt
  • awe
  • the wonder if one can really bake cookies on one’s dashboard
  • dread
  • acceptance

Now all the professionals say that grieving is healthy; yet Sister Madly found herself trapped in the ‘wondering if one can really bake cookies on the dashboard’ stage, unable to move onto the dread’ that she so looked forward to. If Sister Madly is to grieve properly, she must bake cookies on her dash.

And being a most famished responsible Moppet, she proceeded to work through her grief via the following:

  • Preheat Neighborhood that the NWS doesn’t give a hoot about to 119*F
  • Relocate the ‘oven’- i.e., the intrepid Itty Bitty, Smart Car Extraordinaire- into direct sunlight once the outdoor temperature is >95* F. This allows the car to reach an internal temp >165* F, which is the minimum the FDA demands threatens recommends certain foods reach for safe* consumption

* Because no one has ever eaten raw cookie dough before. Ever.

  • Prep baking tray; add cookie dough (gently; respect the cookies)
  • Place tray in car, which naturally is 4 blocks away
  • Lock the car behind you (protect the cookies)
  • Wait- magic is happening

As success was inevitable in her dashboard escapade, Sister Madly began planning a sophisticated menu for her next venture in climate change, including vanilla onion souffle and cactus dauphinoise. No doubt she will win a host of Michelin Stars and retire a wealthy eccentric, wherein she will buy herself an air conditioner- because 119*F is hot AF! affluent individuals have air conditioning. It’s a status thing.

And should she somehow fail… at least her car will smell divine.

After 30ish minutes and a change into a tank top stashed in the freezer (which resulted in the “Son of a Biscuit!” heard ‘round the world) the dough baking in the intrepid Itty Bitty, Smart Car Extraordinaire, was looking more like cowpies than anything edible; perhaps double chocolate cookies were a poor choice.

Poorer still was choosing store-brand cookie dough, as the car smelled anything but divine.

And so Sister Madly was officially able to move onto the dread’ stage of grief that she so looked forward to as she slowly melted into a puddle.

A surly, sluggish, salty AF puddle.

Because she’s a strong, independent Moppet who don’t need no air conditioning!

DASHBOARD COOKIES

  • Cookie Dough of Choice, homemade or ready-made

Preheat Neighborhood to 96*F – 119*F
Move Baking Vessel into direct sunlight
Hydrate: you were just out in 119*F weather
Line a baking sheet with parchment paper
Drop dough onto baking sheet (approx 2-3 TBSP per cookie)
Allow Baking Vessel to reach 165*F (this may happen faster than you think)
Weep uncontrollably: you’re about to go back out in 119*F weather
Hydrate: you’re about to go out into 119*F weather (and you just wept uncontrollably)
Place baking sheet on Dashboard
Re-Hydrate: your Baking Vessel was parked 4 blocks away
Bake cookies for 30 min – 4 hours, or until cooked to a minimum of 165*F

* Cookies may not caramelize on top even when fully cooked. You’re baking in a car, after all.

9 responses

  1. locksley2010

    And the world is a brighter place because Sister Madly is back!

    A most noble venture to be undertaken indeed- even if the result wasn’t as hoped.

    Love the car, she’s gorgeous!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 2, 2021 at 1:29 AM

    • Brighter? I like the night, so back into hiding I go! Hee hee…

      Like many individuals on social media, Itty Bitty is using a filter- he’s usually a lovely shade of blue (well, he is now that I’ve started feeding the crows so they no longer poo on him.)

      Liked by 1 person

      August 2, 2021 at 2:07 PM

      • locksley2010

        Oh you!

        Either way, his colour scheme is indeed worthy for further intrepid adventures. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        August 2, 2021 at 2:13 PM

  2. “It was not Sister Madly. She has an alibi.”? I LOVE your posts!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 3, 2021 at 11:53 AM

  3. Only you, Madly!!! 🍹🍪 🍺

    Liked by 1 person

    August 11, 2021 at 8:52 PM

    • My neighbor and his young daughter were frying eggs on their driveway around the same time. Twas quite the non-FDA approved feast in the neighborhood that afternoon- all in the name of science, of course.

      Like

      August 12, 2021 at 6:33 PM

  4. So, you’re back. Good.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 28, 2021 at 4:05 PM

    • I pop in an out, but am never really gone for long. ;c)

      Hope you made it through the storm and the aftermath safe and well. Look forward to seeing you post again.

      Like

      September 1, 2021 at 11:05 AM

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