Pulled Chicken Provencal ~ Kiss Me Deadly

Since she was a wee little Moppet, Sister Madly never questioned her existence. In fact, she never even considered how she arrived on this planet until one afternoon at the Museum, when she encountered the Exhibit that depicted fetal development from fertilization to full-term.

What the Exhibit (or her parents, for that matter) didn’t explain was how the baby got there- and Sister Madly didn’t wonder. She cheerfully assumed it spontaneously* happened now and then after one got married… marriage being the catalyst, of course.

* Like hair loss, or human combustion- you know, the usual pickles one encounters in adulthood.

In fact, Sister Madly continued to not wonder until the day she watched a TV movie down in the basement with her childhood friend, Serafina.

With the innate knowledge that Hollywood was most accurate in its depiction of reality, Sister Madly was more than willing to accept that it wasn’t marriage that caused pregnancy. Apparently, it was the result of a boy and a girl sharing a bed, which leads to some uncontrollable yet creative gymnastics, which was clearly the process of a baby spontaneously being made- and quite frankly, Sister Madly thought it looked most unpleasant.*

* Although not as unpleasant as, say, a salad.

This confidence lasted until the day Serafina turned up with a book found in her sister’s room, which explained the Science behind creating children- that is to say, the steps that lead up to fertilization, which the Museum Exhibit had omitted. This newfound knowledge, however, was not accompanied by the expected horror that her own parents suffered* through this ordeal when creating Sister Madly; instead, she and Serafina went next door next to pester the neighbor for some jellybeans.

* The wee little Moppet did not read as far as the pleasure aspect of the activity, as she bored quickly in those days.

Since sharing a bed leads to the uncontrollable urge to engage in the Science of Making a Baby, Sister Madly wasn’t too worried about being saddled with a baby at the tender age of 8ish, as she likes the bed to herself and tends to shove out anyone who tries to share it- usually with ice-cold feet. Wearing socks to bed is just weird.

But even this was short-lived, as Sister Madly & Co. happened to overhear Serafina’s mother talking to Serafina’s older sister, who was about to go on her first date. The Mother was giving the Serafina Sibling a pep talk on how to resist engaging in the Science of Making a Baby,* which the Serafina Sibling seemed to “already knooooooooow, Mom…” and please, give her some credit.

* Apparently, it was not sharing a bed that caused this uncontrollable urge, but when a boy and a girl came within close proximity to each other, which undoubtedly would cause many problems during the local Hide-and-Seek Marathon the neighborhood kids play on Saturday afternoons.

But as they listened in on the motherly lecture, it became clear that this impulse would only arise during a date, which was a such a relief; as long as no one called the Hide-and-Seek Marathon a ‘date,’ there would be no sudden urge to create babies. Sister Madly made a note to address this topic ahead of next Saturday afternoon.

It’s frightening, really, the depths of her genius…

PULLED CHICKEN PROVENCAL

  • 2 onions, sliced
  • 6 boneless chicken thighs, whole
  • 1½ – 2 cups chicken broth
  • 2 tsp herbs de Provence
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • ½ tsp basil
  • ½ tsp thyme
  • ½ tsp salt, or to taste
  • ¼ tsp chipotle pepper
  • Butter/oil, for sautéing

Heat oil in Dutch oven
Add onions, stirring to coat
Lower heat, stirring occasionally until onions are caramelized (30-45 min)
Mix in spices, broth, and chicken; bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer until chicken is cooked (25 min)
With 2 forks, shred chicken in sauce
Simmer to reduce liquid (if needed)

THEME SONG: Kiss Me Deadly, Lita Ford

17 responses

  1. Heliophile's diary

    I can’t believe how you wrote it, totally smitten 😍

    Liked by 2 people

    March 13, 2020 at 10:18 AM

    • Hee hee- thank you! No doubt as children we all had an interesting way of looking at- or interpreting- life… ;~D

      Liked by 1 person

      March 13, 2020 at 2:43 PM

  2. There is no way I am travelling to the Netherlands to try out this recipe. Still, this is ‘New’ Zeeland, so one of the local ovens should be descended from a Dutch ancestor.

    The thing that really intrigues me is how to find a whole thigh that is boneless… or are they breeding specially boneless chickens now for the cash rich, time poor, ethically bankrupt nano-chefs? I don’t doubt they would try – there’s surely a market – but how does that sit with the asbestos onions that take 45mins to caramelize, before the chicken flops in to the pan? Down here we have fast onions and slow chickens, and deal with it.

    As for the sexist salads… I have never in my life seen a bloke laugh at a salad. Must be pimento envy or something.

    Can I have your otter please? There are none here. They brought rats, mice, stoats, weasels, hedgehogs, magpies, possums and wasps, but no badgers and no otters. Oh well, perhaps it’s for the best, because they hate the rats, mice, stoats, weasels, hedgehogs, magpies, possums and wasps because they kill all the local stuff. So they put down poison… which kills all the local stuff. As far as I am aware, I’m the only Raven, and I haven’t killed anything local, honest, and I don’t eat things I find lying around in the woods… especially not the blue stuff. Yeah, keep your otter safe.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 14, 2020 at 12:46 AM

    • They didn’t bring you otters?! The should have done so if only to apologize for the wasps…

      And I agree: haven’t seen a bloke laugh at a salad. Cry, perhaps, but not laugh…

      Like

      March 15, 2020 at 2:09 PM

  3. OK, Madly, I was ok with the baby making, but when you got down to the chicken ….. What is herbs de Provence…??? There’s a lot of them thar provences around !!! All I wanted to know was When’s Dinner ‘n’ Where’s the Beer ????? 😫

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2020 at 3:11 PM

    • According to the bottle, Herbs de Provence is lavender and spices- which, no doubt, means pine needles, grass clippings, and poison ivy.

      Not sure where the beer is… I sure know where the cider is! };~D

      Like

      March 17, 2020 at 11:56 AM

  4. Hubby and I read your stories and laugh together. So funny, and I think I’ll be trying this recipe.
    I hope you and yours are healthy–

    Liked by 1 person

    March 21, 2020 at 1:36 PM

    • Hee hee- thanks! ;~D

      Doing well at the moment- wish I had a yard of some sort so I wouldn’t have to hang out on the fire escape when I want to go outside… but I am grateful for the fire escape. For many reasons.

      Hope you all are healthy as well!

      Liked by 1 person

      March 22, 2020 at 3:09 PM

      • We are healthy still, as I hope you are also. I sauntered over to see if there was anything I had not read yet!

        Liked by 1 person

        April 18, 2020 at 10:33 AM

  5. locksley2010

    And my parents just gave me a book on how babies are made…. complete with early 1980s curly haired cartoon adults, the male with a porn-tache!

    Totally with you on the human combustion thing though…. glad that was no where near as common as I feared!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 23, 2020 at 1:43 AM

    • Hmmm… it’s quite possible we read the same book- and lived to tell the tale.

      Spontaneously combusting is one activity I haven’t tried this past week as a means of entertainment… may have to give it a try when the cider runs out!

      Liked by 1 person

      March 23, 2020 at 6:14 PM

      • locksley2010

        And you know what? That makes us survivors!

        Let us know how it goes, I’ve yet to raid my gin cabinet as I might get called in…..

        Liked by 1 person

        March 24, 2020 at 3:40 AM

        • As a fellow Survivor, do you find yourself occasionally haunted by “Eye of the Tiger”?

          Wait- a gin cabinet?? After nearly spontaneously combusting out of sheer boredom due to depleting the whiskey rations in your sock drawer, you reveal this bombshell??

          We will have to talk…

          Liked by 1 person

          March 24, 2020 at 5:40 PM

  6. locksley2010

    Forgive me, I thought I responded to this…..

    No, although I can’t seem to get David Bowies ‘Life on Mars’ out of my head.

    My darling introduced me to the 80s movie: Kickboxer, with Jean-Claude Van Damme in tight vests, his brother with said porn-tache and all!

    Yes…. well, you seemed so comfy in there I didn’t want to disturb you.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 3, 2020 at 3:31 AM

    • Hmmm…. think I will pass on the movie… sounds like potential nightmare fuel.

      Tis quite comfy in this sock drawer… will take that gin whenever you’ve got a minute.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 3, 2020 at 2:44 PM

  7. locksley2010

    You got it. 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    April 4, 2020 at 12:14 AM

  8. The Etsy quote was funny, and who can resist pulled chicken?

    Liked by 1 person

    April 18, 2020 at 12:34 PM

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