The Day Yanni Came to Town

The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got no one to pray to ~ Terry Pratchett

It was a day like any other when Yanni came to town. At Utopia, three employees had emerged from their usual Wednesday night hangovers, Victor had fallen victim to the oil and muck puddle as he took out the trash, and the resident cat – Sinner – was having trouble hacking up his weekly hairball.

gypsy hands

To the envy of all, Sister Madly had arrived sober, clean, and hairball free- but this, too, would not last. She was selected for the Wearing of the Green, that all too important job of trying on rings and bracelets to see how long it would take to look like Swamp Thing. Some nights she would come home with so much green around her wrists it looked like she spent the day chained up in the basement with Igor- which of course wasn’t true. Igor was fired months ago.

The point of the Wearing of the Green was to see whether or not the most recent merchandise was truly sterling.* Sterling Silver is an alloy consisting of 92.5% silver and 7.5% other metal, which makes the silver suitable for daily wear and is indicated by the number .925 engraved somewhere on the piece. Fine Silver (99.9%) is much too soft for jewelry, and often results in unhappy customers demanding something called a ‘refund’ – loudly.

*Green is the result of a chemical reaction between copper and the acid in sweat, which forms salts that leave a residue on the skin- the only alchemy of which Sister Madly is capable.

salesman

When dealing with reputable vendors, this low-budget test method is not necessary; but when one’s dealing with independent peddlers who sell things out of their trench coats in the back alley (a common Utopian practice) one just might wind up with merchandise that is merely sterling-plated.

In no time, Sister Madly looked as though she had been luxuriating in the local bayou, the sight of which prompted Management to make a cheeky reference to the employees being the latest rejects of Fraggle Rock. This, naturally, would have made no difference to Management had they not been made aware of one Yanni arriving in town.

Now Sister Madly had heard of this Yanni, thanks to the ill-gotten Pure Moods CD’s of her teens. She also remembers not being too impressed with whatever song was on said CD, thus not giving him a second thought- which, it would turn out, is more thought than most of her coworkers had ever given him.

However, it seemed that membership was down in Club Yanni, thus his accompanists took to the streets to recruit disciples by giving away free tickets. Management was particularly susceptible to this type of evangelism, and were not only immediate converts, but immediate authorities on the man they hadn’t heard of a mere hour before.

yanni

And as new glow of euphoric propaganda coursed through their veins, Management began to wonder if Yanni, himself, would show up at Utopia… because shopping for incense and fertility gods is exactly what Yanni would do less than 90 minutes before show time. Management went on to demanded that they be informed the moment Yanni stopped by the store.

There was some concern amongst certain Utopians regarding this request, as they did not know what the Man Known as Yanni looked like. But Management graciously responded with this all-too-detailed description:

“Just be on the look out for someone who looks like Jesus!”

“Jesus? Like the guy who sells melons on the corner?”

“That’s pronounced Jesús, Victor, and those are mangoes.”*

*It was well-known to everyone but Victor that the man behind Mangoes by Jesús was in fact an Italian named Giuseppe, who drove a vintage Mustang and spoke better English than the lot of them. But then, Victor smoked a lot of illegal plant-life.

It was a few moments before closing time when it happened: that beam of light that broke through the clouds, and the angelic choir that accompanied the silhouette that stood majestically in the doorframe…

…which was the precise moment that Sinner, in a spectacular display of vaudevillian theatrics, not only coughed up his mutant hairball, but proceeded to basked in the glory of his regurgitated masterpiece- all at the feet of the Man Who Could Have Been Yanni…

grumpy cat

But alas, the silhouette was merely the pizza boy.

THEME SONG: Anything by Yanni, as long as it’s interesting (Good Luck)

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31 responses

  1. Ha! I had rather cheerfully forgotten all about Yanni, as well as that lovely shade of green we turn when wearing cheap jewelry. Well done, very funny.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 12, 2015 at 5:33 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you! I, too, had forgotten about Yanni- and quite happily as well.

      But the green continues to haunt me.

      Like

      November 12, 2015 at 11:29 AM

  2. Shudddddddddddddder. Terrific tale Ms Madly. Scarier than hell and informative.

    After reading your story I’ve concluded that a “Flashback” is akin to Sinner’s hairball. A flashback is regurgitated nostalgia you can do without.

    I’m also thinking that knowing and liking to listen to Yanni FREQUENTLY was probably an indicator of the ensuing trip.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 12, 2015 at 5:38 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Who knew that a hairball would one day become a metaphor?

      Fortunately, the Yanni fixation of Management was short lived, thanks to the arrival of circus a few days later.

      Liked by 1 person

      November 12, 2015 at 11:35 AM

      • <—– Ibis Look

        I'm thinking the circus was already there but different.

        Metaphors are good and this one paints quite the ewwwww picture!

        I can't swear to it but Yanni could be a cause of BAT (select your own adjective) CRAZY.

        Liked by 1 person

        November 12, 2015 at 11:49 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Well, yes, the circus was in town prior, but we they were in rehearsal all that time.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 11:55 AM

        • Take that show on the road Ms Moppet! It’ll play large in Peoria. If you have need of a Bat ….. Crazy contortionist that will perform to Yanni, you let me know!

          I was just given chocolate. There’s a new elf in town!

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 12:07 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Hey! Where’s MY chocolate?!?

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 12:15 PM

        • Right beside my sandwich. Wrapped in purple foil. Almost to pretty to eat.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 12:34 PM

        • Sister Madly

          A lot of good that does me over here…

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:15 PM

        • 1/2 of what I have is on the way to you via USB Express.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:23 PM

        • Sister Madly

          And what happened to the other half?

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:47 PM

        • Half for you and half me. 3 chocolates for you and 1 for me.

          I understand how chocolate math works.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:50 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Ha!

          It’s amazing how many people I know who have failed that particular class.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:54 PM

        • <—– smarter than yogi

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 2:05 PM

        • The Sandwich is BBQ Brisket and yummy!

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:24 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I’ll trade you some lettuce.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:47 PM

        • What kind of lettuce?

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:51 PM

        • Sister Madly

          The usual kind. Green. Disgusting.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 1:55 PM

        • A Chicken Ceaser Salad would work for me.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 2:07 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Blah!

          You’re not human.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 2:14 PM

        • Yeah you know I’m not human. Them wings and beary good things.

          Liked by 1 person

          November 12, 2015 at 2:18 PM

  3. I couldn’t smiling at this story of yours…loved it Ms Madly… then I had to check out the link to your other Utopia experience and then I just lost it….. thanks. x

    Liked by 1 person

    November 12, 2015 at 6:37 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Glad you enjoyed it! ;c)

      Like

      November 12, 2015 at 11:38 AM

  4. Oh, Sister!! Thanks for the deep belly laughs…the mental picture I formed (with the help of your words) at Yanni’s alleged silhouette in the doorway is going to forever haunt me. Dear Jesus (pronounced hey-seuss) please help me to cast his soul back to the 80’s!!

    Liked by 1 person

    November 12, 2015 at 8:50 PM

    • Sister Madly

      It haunts me too.

      Perhaps we should have consulted ‘Jesus’ back in the day- a mango pelted at one’s head would surely send any soul back to the 80’s.

      Liked by 1 person

      November 13, 2015 at 12:41 PM

      • Sigh….oh,hindsight. Tell Jesus we also need mango induced time machines for Yanni’s hinchmen…. Kenny G and Michael Bolton.

        Liked by 2 people

        November 13, 2015 at 3:36 PM

  5. I now remember Yanni!! Love the garb on the arms…cheap or otherwise it must be fun dangling all those. Green is a nice color ha ha!!

    Liked by 1 person

    November 14, 2015 at 5:50 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Green is a small price to pay for fun jewelry! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      November 15, 2015 at 9:32 AM

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