Joyride

It is official: Sister Madly has been disqualified from the Human Race.

“Curly hair is a mutated gene, you know!”

cabbagepatchkids

There is nothing quite like admiration of a younger sibling, the love that is apparent in the gentle reminder that the reason Sister Madly looks the way she does may have resulted from an incident like Chernobyl. This comes at a time when Younger Sibling admits that she is unable prove the beloved theory which states that Sister Madly was not in fact born, but found in a Cabbage Patch.

Yes, Sister Madly, the family took pity on you because… well hey, no one deserves to live amongst cabbages…

It was Tallulah who originally came up with the theory, which may have actually been a compliment as Tallulah absolutely adored her Cabbage Patch Kids even as Sister Madly tried to give hers away. But while it was Tallulah who thought up the theory, it was Younger Sibling who embraced it- and on occasion, embraces it still, because who wouldn’t want to brag about their curly-haired half-human, half-cabbage relative?

godzilla motivation

However, if Sister Madly is the product of genetic mutation, how is it that she has failed to achieve the height commonly known as average?* Hollywood routinely depicts the pitfalls of radiation as resulting in temperamental bugs and reptilian creatures reaching towering heights, yet Sister Madly can only nip at your ankles. Obviously, the well-meaning Pitfalls of Radiation Consultant hired by the entertainment industry for authenticity purposes missed a crucial day in Pitfalls of Radiation Class.

(*Sister Madly is of the opinion that this ‘average height’ debacle can be corrected through a scientific procedure known as ‘bribery,’ in which a large sum of money donated by people other than herself persuades the reporting expert to lower the height known as ‘average’ to one she had attained and surpassed long ago.)

Forget climbing all over the grocery store shelves; awkwardness peaks the moment you have to call the landlord to change a light bulb because, even when standing on a chair, you can’t reach it. You can put the chair on top of the kitchen table but your results will vary, the most common of which being a beastly attack by the chair in much the same way that Snoopy was assaulted that unfortunate Thanksgiving Day.

snoopy lawn chair

Einstein is said to have written ‘More the Knowledge, Lesser the Ego’ so let us embrace humility through some completely unbiased statistics. Shorter individuals are:

  • more likely to outlive taller peers by 2 years
  • less likely to be bitten by bugs- in particular, the Scottish biting midge
  • more likely to be flung over the shoulder of an ill-tempered Viking for knocking down their sorry-excuse for a flag with a runaway keg
  • more likely to find interesting rocks

At this time, Sister Madly can only confirm the last two, as her taller peers have yet to die and as she has never once encountered a Scottish biting midge. She has been flung over the shoulder of an ill-tempered Viking time and again at the Renaissance Faire- initially for that whole runaway keg thing, and thereafter just for the hell of it- and she has found some rather interesting rocks.

Like this one:

007

This one is magic. It’s a crystal inside of another crystal, a dream within a dream- and while it has yet to transport her to some enchanted fairyland, she knows that it’s only a matter of time. But more importantly, she found this crystal because she was short- at least, that‘s what she‘s been telling herself all her life. She found it because she was short, thus nearer to the ground than her taller, yet younger sibling. The fact that Younger Sibling was nowhere near the gravel pit the day when the magical stone was found was, is and will always be, beside the point.

So why, exactly, has Sister Madly been disqualified from the Human Race?

Because she just took you on a most agonizing joyride through cabbages and genetics for the sole purpose of showing you a picture of her magical rock, and this pleases her.

THEME SONG: Joyride, Roxette

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44 responses

  1. Clever Sister Madly. Good entrepreneurial spirit. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 6:00 AM

  2. Unfortunately, I have also only risien to the mere height of ‘average’ (which, by the way, is also how most of my teachers (who allowed me to stay in their class) also classified me). I also once passed out in a cabbage patch. A most enjoyable evening, as I was swaddled and coddled comfortably, all while gazing at the stars.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 6:05 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Star-gazing is about the only thing a cabbage patch is good for- I mean, you can’t even make a crop circle in it! Why have a vegetable field if you can’t make art out of it?

      Yes, crop circles- one of those things we will do as we vacation across the multiverse!

      Liked by 2 people

      April 23, 2015 at 3:14 PM

      • But I have trouble staying within the lines while coloring. I might need some assistance with the crop circles. The cat, however, is very good at staying within the lines. Do we bring our cat along?

        Liked by 1 person

        April 23, 2015 at 5:23 PM

        • Sister Madly

          No need to stay within the lines. It’s called ‘Abstract Art.’

          We might have to bring the cat, if he wants to go. He still has the Guardian of Hell sword.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 23, 2015 at 5:34 PM

        • Like I wrote…Damn The Hunters (with the Guardian Of Hell sword). I still want that.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 23, 2015 at 5:43 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I’ll try to send it your way, although the cat might be attached to it…

          Liked by 1 person

          April 23, 2015 at 5:48 PM

        • Well, maybe you should bring it when we go on vacation. It just might be easier.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 23, 2015 at 7:05 PM

  3. Ha! Being disqualified from the human race may not be such a bad thing. We often refer to it as the rat race. No matter how short one is they are never going to be as short as a rat. Let the rest of the rats race, I plan to lag behind and smell the roses.

    Also, I think I have Viking envy. I have tossed kegs and stolen flags to no avail. On the bright side, I think I’m married to a pirate and that is nearly as good.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 7:44 AM

    • Sister Madly

      We may never be as short as a rat, but will the rats one day be as tall as a human? I think I just gave myself a nightmare.

      I’d rather be around a pirate than a Viking- they have a bit more class. One can handle barbarism for only so long! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      April 23, 2015 at 3:07 PM

  4. Ahhh… A Sister Madly your de Force! I love your crystal, and also the image of you bring tossed over a Viking shoulder… Some of us can but dream of such a moment! Oh yeah… And The runaway keg. (Send it my way!) For the record, Scottish midgies are ROTTEN. just think something like a large gnat with a thirst for your jugular.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 9:01 AM

    • Sister Madly

      He wasn’t a very happy Viking- at least, not that first time around. I am only thankful I was not impaled upon his helmet!

      If that is a Scottish midge, then I am glad I am not tall! I’m particularly fond of my jugular, and rather selfish as I do not wish to share it.

      I am send you the keg via carrier pigeon!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 23, 2015 at 3:02 PM

      • Bahaha! I hope it’s a REALLY big pigeon..😊

        Liked by 1 person

        April 23, 2015 at 3:07 PM

        • Sister Madly

          The Pitfalls of Radiation Consultant assures me that he can find me one!

          Like

          April 23, 2015 at 3:18 PM

  5. locksley2010

    Pish! Says I! I sport a fine head of curly hair and damned proud of it I am too! More than once have I played up the Lestat rather than Spike image. As for height, everyone knows hobbits are awesome! So pick yourself up and join me for a pipe of ‘Old Toby!’ And the best thing about being a hobbit? Breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper! Totally love the fact you used Rosette for this posts tune. X

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 9:40 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Hobbits do seem to have more fun, don’t they?

      Yes, you do have a fine head of hair! ;c) I believe the curly hair comment made by my younger sibling was a result of her having a bad hair day. Or she was just expressing her love in an awkward way. Hard to tell.

      I confess: I rather like Roxette! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      April 23, 2015 at 2:57 PM

      • locksley2010

        Or maybe she was jealous? Either way your musical tastes are sound. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        April 23, 2015 at 3:14 PM

  6. I think I speak for all (rather envious) diminutive rockhounds when I say “oooooooh”. I just had a future flash, though, of you waving to us from *inside* this gem…

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 10:25 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Always good to hear from fellow rockhounds! I do hope, however, not to end up permanently inside the crystal- maybe just a quick vacation now and then! ;c)

      Liked by 2 people

      April 23, 2015 at 2:44 PM

  7. Reblogged this on hocuspocus13 and commented:
    jinxx ♠ xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 11:30 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!

      Like

      April 23, 2015 at 2:39 PM

  8. I can always stop by sister madly for an awkward laugh 🙂 Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 11:37 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank YOU! ;c) In due time, we will work on graduating from ‘awkward’ laugh to ‘evil’ laugh!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 23, 2015 at 3:17 PM

  9. Could be way worse. You could be polydactyl and have different coloured eyes.

    Some people like Curly myself included. I’ve never seen the appeal of Shemp.

    Hmmmmm, were Fred and Dino anywhere near said gravel pit? It would explain some things. Why you think you’re short and the wisdom beyond your apparent years for starters. Vikings and kegs for another. At no time have you said when the Faire(s) have taken place.

    A dream within a dream. (just nods and smiles)

    Don’t be selling yourself short Ms Madly. Should you choose to go down that road well, don’t make me get Linus involved cuz I will!

    As always Moppet, the wings are around somewhere and you know how to call them.

    ps … I’ve never bitten a Midge. A Madge yes, and rightfully so!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2015 at 1:13 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Actually, I think I’d have a lot of fun with 2 different colored eyes- at other people’s expense, of course. ;c)

      No one was near the gravel pit that day that I can remember, certainly not anyone like you described. But just how would that explain things?

      And is Linus someone to be feared?

      Liked by 1 person

      April 23, 2015 at 3:37 PM

      • Linus is not a fearsome thing so much as an attitudinal thing not to be trifled with.

        It would explain it if you’d been hanging out with the Stones, Fred & Barney.

        It would explain it because you’d taken part in those faries during the actual Renaissance,

        It would explain it because in actual fact you Sister Madly are a serial immortal and your name is in fact, “Thursday”!

        Liked by 1 person

        April 23, 2015 at 4:01 PM

        • Sister Madly

          My name is Thursday? How did I not know this?!

          Like

          April 23, 2015 at 4:24 PM

        • Am I detecting a display of Moppet misdirection speak?

          Like

          April 23, 2015 at 4:34 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I don’t know. Are you?

          Liked by 1 person

          April 23, 2015 at 4:42 PM

        • Siiiiiiiiiiiigh … I didn’t want to but I’m just going to have bring Linus in on this one.

          Linus will be making an appearance elsewhere shortly but has graciously consented to make appearance here first.

          Like

          April 23, 2015 at 4:51 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Indeed, that was very gracious of you, Linus.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 23, 2015 at 5:00 PM

        • In all seriousness. He is a good boy. He and Louie were foundlings who’d been dumped with a small bowl of food. Maggie, Scarlett, Maggie, Scorates with the eyes, Sophie with the extra toes, all good fosters. Morgan the only survivour of 4 and Dennis became keepers from fostering.

          Happy Adventures Moppet!

          Yeah I get them pretty good.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 24, 2015 at 3:20 AM

  10. Ooh you have cabbage patch dolls too!! Loved this post. Cleverly written and trust me my Garfield will not go near else its head may get lobbed off LOL! Average height?! Me too…sigh…😊

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2015 at 2:06 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Indeed, a headless Garfield would do you no good!

      Average height can be achieved with the proper shoes and lots of humidity for the hair, as some of us have discovered. ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      April 24, 2015 at 9:52 AM

  11. Why are there Vikings at a Renaissance Faire? And anyway, are we quite sure that SM was NOT transported here or there by some dodgy rock?

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2015 at 2:18 PM

    • Sister Madly

      You know, the Viking behavior that day was as such that posing the question would have proven most unpleasant. Having displayed a lack of knowledge regarding medieval history has backfired on me before. Also, I didn’t think to ask.

      And I don’t know if I have traveled via rock before. How does one find out?

      Like

      April 24, 2015 at 3:59 PM

  12. Well, Vikings are notorious party-crashers and prone to acting out, so probably wise to not confront any large, pale men in animal skins and horned helmets you might come across at a Renaissance Faire. Of course, if one of said large men appears to actually be Chris Hemsworth, then perhaps some risk would be in order… The derivation of the word rocket is obvious and suggests how SM may have traveled here. As for evidence, SM should ask one of her more intuitive friends whether SM has ever seemed to be “stoned.”

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2015 at 6:45 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I don’t think I’d confront anyone who looked like that in this day and age without a decoy (such as yourself!)

      I don’t have many intuitive friends- they seem to be the ones who travel by rock or, as you say it, ‘stoned.’ Actually, they aspire to the state of ‘stoned.’

      Liked by 1 person

      April 24, 2015 at 7:45 PM

  13. dara40

    Brilliance, absolute brilliance!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 30, 2015 at 8:29 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you! Even now, a Trumpet Player salutes you from the rooftop of an apartment across the street- I believe it to be ‘Mood Indigo’ which is a favorite of mine! He rarely comes out to play – but when he does, it’s only at night. I shall dedicate this one to you! ;c)

      Like

      April 30, 2015 at 8:58 PM

  14. Cabbages… what a sad fate that would have been.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 17, 2015 at 6:17 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Indeed.. I try hard not to think about it.

      Liked by 1 person

      May 17, 2015 at 10:13 AM

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