Smoked Gouda and Chipotle Soup ~ A Most Industrious Slice of Cheese

…because no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese ~ Terry Pratchett

Fact: a single slice of Provolone Cheese, when melted down, will not only stretch beyond the total length of your intestines, veins and every other creepy, coiled-up thing in your body, but will ensnare every passerby in its gelatinous web. Should you find yourself needing to climb out of a bottomless pit, a slice of melted Provolone is all that is required for your rescue because, on top of everything else, it does not break. Ever.

evil_cheese_demotivational_poster_1219429960The day was bright when Sister Madly came face to face with this particular foe. Whatever delicacy she had been put in charge of making required the melting of some Provolone Cheese, which even the Professors believed that she could accomplish without supervision as they left her alone in the kitchen while they went out on the porch for a smoke.

Granted, Sister Madly rarely uses Provolone herself, finding it plain and unassuming (much like North Dakota) but she had no reason to believe that it had wicked intent (again, like North Dakota.) That is where she went wrong, for this was a most insidious and industrious slice of Provolone, flaunting its superior melting capabilities like a tattered boa and flinging its tentacles across the kitchen. She knew not what master the Provolone was serving- indeed, it must have a master, because why else would a Cheese behave this way?

While there are many facets to a Cheese’s personality, the line between its sanities is very fine, leaving one mistaking its pathological hostility for heartfelt reconciliation until, like Sister Madly, you find yourself hopelessly entangled in a Web of Provolone.


The Professors aren’t going to like this much, Sister Madly. Just how many hours did it take to clean the house? You should know- you were told about it at least 3 times that morning. Now there are more webs around the kitchen than in the entire Havisham Estate.

She began making the same mistakes with the Provolone as she once made with North Dakota: she tried to be its friend, she said it was beautiful- she even tried reasoning with the Cheese, but it was no use. Cheeses are notoriously unreasonable.

That’s when the Professors chose to come crashing into the kitchen, and once again Sister Madly found herself facing a predicament as difficult to explain as the one below:

sandwich mystery

… and you’re still not going to get
an answer.

“Just how did you manage that?”

But the Professors weren’t looking at the Cheese Web; they were looking at the stove.

“It doesn’t ignite without a match. How did you light it?”


The implication of that statement was not lost upon Sister Madly: you see, it wasn’t that the Professors trusted her enough to melt the cheese without supervision; they merely thought she could do no harm since they had taken the matches with them, leaving her (seemingly) unable to light the stove.

How did she do this, Professor? Like most inhabitants of the 21st century: she turned the knobby-thing to the right, it went click, click, click before erupting into a glorious ring of blue- the only blue, by the way, that is allowed in the house.

This, of course, was followed by the usual experiment, with the Professors’ being unable to ignite the stove in this fashion even as Sister Madly was able to do so 3 times in succession, thus proving yet another useless skill to add to her repertoire. This could very-well be her calling: Sister Madly, Guardian of the City, the streetlights going dark as she passes beneath them while lugging the Professor’s stove, igniting the left burner and stopping crime with a Web of melted Provolone like some 3rd rate Spiderman.

The Melting Moppet.

Then again, if she acquires enough useless super-skills, she might be able to trade them in for something worthwhile, like invisibility, or sleeping through the night…

Smoked Gouda Chipotle


  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 5 garlic cloves, minced
  • 2-3 celery, chopped
  • 8 oz mushrooms, sliced
  • 2/3 c Marsala wine
  • 2-3 carrots, chopped
  • 1 c frozen peas
  • 8 oz smoked gouda, shredded
  • 4-6 c vegetable or chicken broth
  • 3-5 chipotles in adobo, chopped
  • 1 tsp adobo sauce
  • 1 tbsp dry mustard
  • 1 tsp basil
  • 3/4 tsp salt (or to taste)
  • 1/2 tsp thyme
  • 1/2 tsp cumin
  • 1/2 – 1 cup heavy cream

Sauté Onion and Garlic for 5 minutes
Add Mushrooms and Celery and Sauté for 5
Add Marsala wine, deglazing pan
Add spices and sauté for 30 secs
Add carrots, chipotles, adobo and broth
Bring to a boil
Reduce heat and simmer for 25 minutes
Add cream and peas
Simmer until vegetables are tender (approx 10 min)
Add Gouda, stirring frequently until melted.

THEME SONG: I Melt with You, Modern English


13 responses

  1. YUM !

    How does that poem go? Oh! what a tangled web we weave When first we practice to melt cheese!

    I’m thinking if the Professors had made their conversation a two pipe problem instead of a three pipe problem they’d of been able to figure out the knobby thingy and there would have been leftovers too!

    If you could use your Supper Moppet powers to help me out with my Velveeta problem I would be very appreciative!

    Liked by 3 people

    April 30, 2015 at 5:57 AM

    • Sister Madly

      The problem with Velveeta is that Velveeta is not real cheese, and it knows it, and is out to make sure everyone suffers for it. In fact, I believe that Velveeta is the evil henchman to the Provolone and may be plotting world domination.

      … and I’ll be in the sock drawer if you need me.

      Liked by 4 people

      April 30, 2015 at 2:20 PM

      • If you see “Ed”, say hello please!

        Liked by 1 person

        April 30, 2015 at 2:33 PM

        • Sister Madly

          There are a lot of ‘Ed’s’ in my sock drawer. Anything special about this one?

          Liked by 1 person

          April 30, 2015 at 2:57 PM

        • Oh yeah … seeing as how you ask and in the interest of cultural exchange


          April 30, 2015 at 3:07 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Oh, THAT Ed. He fell in love with an Argyle and they ran off to Paris. Haven’t seen him since.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 30, 2015 at 3:18 PM

        • I suppose anything is plausible! Someone best alert “The Huffington Post” (Canada).

          I can just see them strolling La Rive Gauche now. Quiet the pair!


          April 30, 2015 at 3:29 PM

  2. What an incredible sounding soup! Sister Madly should never trust Provolone, yours truly has struggled with it in the past and it is a double crossing, conniving, dastardly cheese and we eventually switched to Jarlsberg Suiss. Sister Madly’s dishes sound so delicious, has she ever considered opening a Mad Restaurant? I would be honored to dine at such an establishment!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 30, 2015 at 7:48 AM

    • Sister Madly

      And a Mad Restaurant it would be! You just had a sneak peak as to what the kitchen would be like. I’d really hate to be shut down because someone like your good self was attacked by a temperamental Brie.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 30, 2015 at 2:16 PM

      • Buttery Brie is no match for me. Its Gruyére that I worry about…

        Liked by 1 person

        May 1, 2015 at 8:16 PM

        • Sister Madly

          It’s always good to know which cheeses are your enemy. Gruyere even sounds like the name of some Evil Overlord!

          Liked by 2 people

          May 2, 2015 at 11:22 AM

  3. Gouda and Chipotle. Two of my absolute favourite flavours! On my to do list for sure! Thanks 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2015 at 7:48 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Mine as well! ;c) Thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

      May 11, 2015 at 9:27 PM

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