The Garden of the Gods

There are times when Sister Madly prefers the world she creates rather than the one that was created for her. Yet every once in a while she comes across an individual who lives in such sweet naivety that her world seems dull by comparison, such as the case of the Little Hippie- a customer she encountered some years ago who had but one complaint: the hemp seeds he had recently planted- the ones he had cut from a bracelet purchased a month before- never sprouted.

It was at Utopia, a bazaar of sorts once described as ‘a bunch of weird people doing weird things.’ At best, they were a bunch of incredibly dull people doing incredibly dull things, frequently regarded by the devout about town as heathens in search of a ripe little soul to snack on. This was patently untrue, as several of these Utopian Sweethearts were vegan and wouldn’t dream of consuming any animal or its byproduct- souls included.

As it was her duty to provide excellent customer service – and as it was nowhere near soul-snacking time- Sister Madly guided the Little Hippie’s attention to the word STERILE boldly stated on the bracelet’s tag.

The Little Hippie merely stared with vague comprehension; to him, sterile meant nothing more than an exceptional, if not psychotic, cleanliness- a trait not typical of most hippies in the region. But then, he was rather new to the lifestyle.

hippies1

In spite of the array of bizarre tasks outlined in her job description, Sister Madly felt that her hourly wages fell short of informing strangers the particulars of the birds and the bees- even when pertaining to plants. That sort of assistance is reserved for Management- should they ever put down their soul sandwiches and set foot out of the office.

So she decided to skip the particulars and just use a rather broad analogy:

Think of it this way, little one: if someone drilled a hole completely through you top to bottom, you probably wouldn’t be able to produce any offspring, either. Or, say, vital signs…

Essentially, it means these little seeds can’t have babies.

Perhaps that wasn’t the best analogy, as indicated by the Little Hippie’s distressed whisper of “You mean they’re, like, impotent?”

fertilitygd

There are no words to describe the devastation of that poor innocent who, while still trying to grow into his week-old dreadlocks and hand-woven mukluks, suddenly realized that he had only sober plans for the weekend. It was as though Sister Madly had heartlessly revealed that Rosebud was nothing more than a sled- had he been the type to care about that in the first place, that is.

Of course, she can recommend one of the state-of-the-art fertility gods just in from Africa. Sister Madly can personally attest to them having some form of mystical properties, as they have a tendency to pop off the wall for no good reason whatsoever- especially around Victor, which would terrify him into long periods of celibacy.

“So, I bury the Fertility God with the seeds.”

If that is what makes you happy.

The happiness lasted for all of 2 days, when the Little Hippie appeared once more to return the Fertility God after finding his backyard overrun with dozens of baby bunnies.

THEME SONG: Evil Seeds, The Raveonettes

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22 responses

  1. You were very kind and understanding Ms Moppet. Kudos to you! That interaction could have induced anyone to go drilling and driven anyone Bongy!

    ARRRRRRRRRRGH; That was my politically correct switch being duct taped to the on position.

    <—– puts on Spotify and goes straight to Jesse Winchester

    ahhhhhhhhhh that feels better!

    Said in my best Shakespearean Soup Nazi Voice…
    Alas poor hippie dude, no green leafies for you!

    Now about those "Broad Analogies" and fertilization.

    urumph mmph !#%^ … Damn switch!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 20, 2015 at 6:01 AM

    • Sister Madly

      What else could I do? All the antique daggers and scimitars were locked up at the time.

      It’s good to know that duct tape can be removed as needed.

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2015 at 2:05 PM

      • There is always the Sgian Dubh. Let me guess, you didn;t have your kilt on that day?

        Duct tape can indeed be removed, painfully!

        Liked by 1 person

        August 20, 2015 at 2:24 PM

        • Sister Madly

          We can’t all be Scots, you know.

          Liked by 1 person

          August 20, 2015 at 2:40 PM

        • No one said you had to be a Scot to have a kilt and a wee one in your sock. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          August 20, 2015 at 2:41 PM

  2. LOL! Well done. I’m chuckling here because some people’s inability to grasp basic biology is the bane of my existence. It makes no difference to me if one is a wannabe hippy or a rabid right winger, the secret to the kingdom is still hidden in a mustard seed, or in some places, a hemp seed. Regardless, on my planet human beings are simply not allowed to ignore the facts of life.

    Bane by the way, means to cause distress and annoyance, but it also means to render obsolete, usually with poison. Being a kind hearted soul, I would never advocate such a thing, but a good batch of brownies heavily spiked with laxatives is not beyond the realm of possibility.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 20, 2015 at 7:11 AM

    • Sister Madly

      The more I think about it, the more I like that brownie idea….

      I would never have thought to plant a piece of jewelry in the hopes that an entire pot farm would spring forth. I’m trying to decide if I should admire this type of misguided enthusiasm, or mourn the lack of common sense…

      Yes, I think a bake-sale this weekend will do just nicely!

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2015 at 2:00 PM

  3. Pahahaha! Bless – this was wonderful! Bunnies indeed… they don’t need a statue of any kind to encourage them! And little week-old-dreds needs to do some serious coffee sniffing. I believe the term is actually “huffing,” or at least it used to be back in the day. But then, huffing coffee would likely activate rather than destroy brain cells. Not sure if our little hippie could cope with that. Let him plant his seeds then. His Impotent Seeds. Let’s hope his own are equally incapable of producing offspring. Just sayin’.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 20, 2015 at 11:11 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I know! I thought it was common knowledge about the amorous affections of bunnies, but I have since learned to never assume.

      Now, if he had awakened to a sudden onslaught of giant squids all over his yard, I think he would have had a legitimate complaint.

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2015 at 1:40 PM

      • Indeed! Unlike the little hippie, though, THOSE BAD BOYS CAN SWIM!!!

        Liked by 1 person

        August 20, 2015 at 1:56 PM

        • Sister Madly

          There are few things more creepy than a giant, swimming sea-spider!

          Liked by 1 person

          August 20, 2015 at 2:08 PM

        • Or week-old dreds.. Both smelly AND lame!

          Liked by 1 person

          August 20, 2015 at 2:12 PM

  4. ~meredith

    … and the bunnies were so stoned they knew better than to explain the magical power of reverse polarity. huh. like turning lead to gold. sister… you must have know. really! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    August 21, 2015 at 9:01 AM

  5. ~meredith

    (known). ergh!

    Like

    August 21, 2015 at 9:03 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Had the god worked its magic on the impotent seeds, no doubt the hippie and the bunnies would have spent many a blissful afternoon staring up at the clouds.

      Actually, he might have done that anyway….

      Liked by 1 person

      August 22, 2015 at 9:39 PM

  6. Cool Blog! Light and Love, Shona

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2015 at 8:43 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      August 22, 2015 at 9:39 PM

  7. We have other means of sowing our seed within souls, Dear Sister…..

    Liked by 1 person

    August 23, 2015 at 9:54 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Some souls are rocky terrain- hardly the place to be doing a little gardening, don’t you think?

      Like

      August 23, 2015 at 11:39 PM

  8. Great post! But I feel for you. I hope you did not need to roll your eyes and stifle chuckles 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    August 25, 2015 at 5:30 AM

    • Sister Madly

      The laughter and such came later. The kid was so sincere with his questions that I couldn’t do much more than sympathize with his naivete- while it was happening, that is. ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      August 25, 2015 at 9:46 AM

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