Romancing the Mobile Slaughterer

Even when she is alone, Sister Madly likes to recite her revenge speeches aloud, complete with sarcasm and flashy gestures. But as of late, she finds herself unable to plan any sort of retribution or midnight escapade with efficiency, because her thoughts are held hostage by Toto’s Rosanna.

It was the result of another weekend at the Casino with the Professors, one with more supervision than the last time. Once she had successfully slipped out of the Toto concert, which was no small feat, the newly liberated Sister Madly was left to wander the grounds at her leisure.

In the past, Sister Madly would find herself crawling back to the Professor’s company once boredom got the better of her; however, she conquered this monotony the moment she discovered the joys of scavenging- in short, retrieving money vouchers left behind by previous gamblers at the slots. By the end of the night, a few cents here and there would amount to a grand total of $3.28; those citizens who hit the jackpot, however, were a little more diligent about collecting their vouchers. Sister Madly finds this very unsporting of them.

(Not quite a year since you went away… Rosanna…)

And so it came to pass that Sister Madly, on her second lap around the Casino, came upon a treasure of another sort: a pristine and still-packaged fortune cookie. Though not a gambler in the traditional sense, Sister Madly didn’t mind taking her chances with the Fortune Cookie gods. Rosanna was still stuck in her head, so the evening couldn’t get much worse, could it?

There were several cookies scattered throughout the Casino, each one implying that adventure, happiness, sunshine and daffodils were imminent. Indeed, it was a thrilling time, as past fortune cookies have remained steadfastly indifferent about the future of Sister Madly. The whole thing was very David Lynch.

(Now she’s gone and I have to say…)

That is, until —> —> —> —>

Now, if the fortune is misspelled, does that veto its authority? It would be tragic if Sister Madly ended up toothless and alone merely because the gods neglected to engage a proper spellchecker. And even if the gods honored the intent of the fortune rather than its grammar, a romance coming “YOU way soon” was just too barbaric to be magical. She gave up on the fortune cookies after that.

But that did not mean the universe was through having fun at her expense.

(Meet you all the way, Rosanna…)

While pausing to watch the Roulette Wheel, Sister Madly came across a business card with this curious heading:

The Casino experience is quite different when one knows that there is a Mobile Slaughterer on the loose. Suddenly, everyone looked like one of the Seven Deadly Sins; everyone behaved as though they were piling corpses in the closet and hiding dismembered butterflies under their beds. Anyone who so much as smiled at Sister Madly no doubt had an evil agenda worse than anything that even the Dodo could have conjured; fortunately, she also has a smile that can make people turn tail and run screaming into a field of cabbages. Sister Madly mastered that one at the tender age of 8.

But there was something about the card that originally escaped her notice:

Sister Madly, Mobile Slaughterer 

By no means is Sister Madly the most common name on the planet, but it would be foolish to assume that she is the only one. Sure, she’s been known to dress in typical Serial Killer Couture while chopping onions- and other things- but she insists that this is purely a coincidence. Her arsenal of sharp objects is nothing to be feared, and though her knowledge of poisonous plants is somewhat on the suspicious side, it can be chalked up to a passing interest in herb lore. Yes, there is an answer for everything.

Except on how to get Rosanna out of her head. There is no answer for that.

Indeed, the whole thing is very David Lynch.

POST’S THEME SONG: Rosanna, Toto