Everybody Knows that the Plague is Coming

There was a sense of lightheartedness that afternoon, when Sister Madly came home with a package of fresh, pre-chopped onions. Just knowing that tomorrow’s kitchen disaster was going to be without tears made this week’s what-the-hell purchase as prized as her antique opium pipe. Even Toto’s Rosanna could not chase away the butterflies.

onion

Once the prep work aftermath had been cleared away, Sister Madly retrieved the onions from the fridge, noting that the container seemed to be bulging slightly. She hardly had time for curiosity at this phenomenon, for the moment she picked up the onion container, it exploded.

This, of course, made Sister Madly cry- and hers is not the gentle weeping of one touched by a animal rescue commercial. No, every time she comes within a half-mile radius of onions being chopped, Sister Madly looks as though she had just witnessed the massacre of millions of helpless kittens as she walked barefoot across a sea of Legos.

What made matters worse was that the paper towel she blindly reached for to wipe her eyes and nose was the one she used to handle the habanero peppers a few moments before.

Now, habanero eyes are horrible in and of themselves; but habanero nose- that is a another thing entirely. She knows better than to handle these foods without the proper eyewear- but now she has to protect the rest of her face as well? Exactly how was she the only one in her family to end up with such a hyper-sensitive system? She might as well just pitch a tent at the fairgrounds and charge admission.

In a few short weeks, this will be Sister Madly:

cookingmask

Hmm? You say you’ve seen something like this before, Sister Madly? There is something familiar about it… Perhaps you are reminded of a past life, a medieval life…

Perhaps you’re reminded of THIS GUY!

The Dodo

You realize what this means, don‘t you? Sister Madly is slowly and systematically turning into the Dodo.

That was his plan from the beginning, wasn’t it? While Sister Madly believed their rivalry operated on a day-to-day basis, the Dodo had a scheme that reached far into the future. She had suspected something like this in the past, believing him to be responsible for the sudden onslaught of search engine terms that addressed the Dodo specifically.

It all makes sense now: the onions, the peppers- it’s the Dodo’s subtle attack, turning Sister Madly into a modern apparition of himself. The Dum Dums, those Mystery Flavor Dum Dums that he use to throw at her- they  have  something to do with this, don’t they? She doesn’t know how, but she is convinced this ever-increasing hypersensitivity is directly related to the Mystery Flavor Dum Dums, which were probably created with the same engineering techniques as GMO’s. The Dum Dums may also be responsible for the intolerance that once caused Sister Madly to murder a sandwich.

It‘s been over a decade since their last encounter, and she foolishly assumed that he had flown off to the Great Bird’s Nest in the Sky. She had long-ago given her concession speech, sulking in the dark one night when she realized that although she had won several battles against the Dodo, she had lost the war.

Dodo 4

But he‘s never really gone, is he?

So what would becoming the Dodo entail? Well, based on what she had witnessed in the past, it would require Sister Madly to endure the insults and pranks of Sister Madly, to throw Dum Dums almost compulsively at Sister Madly, to have to Riverdance her way out of jail as a penance to Sister Madly, and to creep everyone out with her outfit- including Sister Madly.

In other words, it would require Sister Madly to be constantly at war- with herself.

They say if you can’t beat them… No, absolutely not. She will not be joining him. That just will not do. You see, even in this dark place, there is a glimmer of hope: for if the Dodo is, indeed, still out there, it means that Sister Madly still has a chance to win this war.

POST’S THEME SONG: Everybody Knows, Leonard Cohen


~ Thanks to everyone who entered the Necronomicon Giveaway. Sister Madly has been in contact the winner- she will keep you updated! ~


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32 responses

  1. Very few posts have a theme song as perfectly appropriate to their subject matter as this one. Can you hear it that well with the gas mask on?

    Like

    August 14, 2014 at 9:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I hope so! I’d sooner weep uncontrollably than not hear Leonard Cohen.

      Like

      August 14, 2014 at 2:41 PM

  2. If transmogrification is indeed in progress, I hope that you will use wisely whatever time you may have left. Perhaps some sort of reconciliation with Toto?

    Like

    August 14, 2014 at 9:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I suppose I could buy Toto a drink…

      Like

      August 14, 2014 at 2:42 PM

  3. Ha! So funny, Sister Madly – A well woven tale indeed… and I agree with your hunch on the Mystery Flavor Dum Dums. They are the root of all evil. (Oh, the humanity!!!) Still, I’m sure you can totally rock that gas mask. The way the world is looking at present, we may all be wearing them sooner than later… (mwahahahahaha…..)

    Like

    August 14, 2014 at 10:28 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Hm, never thought of myself a step ahead of the trend. Perhaps by adding some sparkles, it could make the transition easier.

      If we planted a Mystery Flavor Dum Dum, I wonder what would grow?

      Like

      August 14, 2014 at 2:45 PM

  4. Your poor eyes!! I’m certain the Dodo planted the exploding onion container.

    Like

    August 14, 2014 at 11:03 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I HADN’T EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT! This IS serious! Where would I be without you to look after me?

      Like

      August 14, 2014 at 2:46 PM

  5. Reblogged this on hocuspocus13 and commented:
    jinxx xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    August 14, 2014 at 2:15 PM

  6. Oh habanero nose. It can go so wrong, so quickly.

    Don’t ever plant a Mystery Flavour Dum Dum. Strike the idea from your mind forever. Don’t ever seek the answer to your question. You don’t want to know.

    You’ve been warned.

    -JT

    Like

    August 14, 2014 at 4:19 PM

    • Sister Madly

      …no? Well, now I want to plant one more than ever. I get curious about that which is forbidden of me…

      Like

      August 14, 2014 at 5:36 PM

  7. Reblogged this on The World of the 7 Evil Dwarves.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 14, 2014 at 10:32 PM

  8. Just when I thought I should grow up and start acting my age and being sensible and serious I get to have my brain messed up by Sister Madly. How delightfully serendipitous.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 15, 2014 at 12:45 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Where’s the fun in being sensible and acting your age? 😀 Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

      August 15, 2014 at 9:47 AM

  9. Thoroughly enjoyable. A nice entertaining read that is quick and fun. Thabks for sharing.

    Like

    August 17, 2014 at 12:57 AM

    • Sister Madly

      And thank you for your support! I’ll be back to your site! 🙂

      Like

      August 17, 2014 at 2:00 AM

  10. Poor Sister Madly!! Ouch for the eyes….seriously onions exploding and peppers…I truly enjoyed reading this as it is so you!! Hope your eyes are better… 🙂
    Cool gas mask by the way…..way cool my lady!

    Like

    August 18, 2014 at 5:49 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you. Yes, my eyes are better until the next unnatural disaster- just a typical day in the kitchen 😉

      Like

      August 18, 2014 at 1:01 PM

  11. Delightful!

    Never had an issue with dum dums, but there are these flat things called Airheads and the white one was the mystery flavor. I have no idea what it was, but it was fabulous. Naturally they were intended for small children, the elderly, and the clinically insane. I have been known to pull off membership in all three groups at the same time, so I went ahead and developed a good Airhead obsession.

    Like

    August 18, 2014 at 5:45 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Membership in all three groups at once? THAT is talent- do not lose it!

      I’m familiar with Airheads, although I can’t say that I’ve actually had one- Sweet Tarts and Sprees are more my ‘non chocolate’ candies. In fact, years ago, during one my sister’s plays (Shakespeare) I offered some candy to my mother simply by whispering “Sweet Tart?” What my mother saw/heard was me turning to her and calling her “Retard!” with a big smile on my face. Luckily, she has a sense of humor. I think she’d like you. 🙂

      Like

      August 18, 2014 at 6:11 PM

  12. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    A STORY IN LAYERS….WONDERFULLY LAYERED!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 19, 2014 at 6:50 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, many a tear-filled layer….

      Liked by 1 person

      August 19, 2014 at 7:17 PM

      • You are a lonely little petunia in an onion patch (ala Captain Kangaroo-?) ???

        Like

        August 19, 2014 at 7:21 PM

        • Sister Madly

          😀 Make that a Venus FlyTrap- I am a carnivore, after all…

          Liked by 1 person

          August 19, 2014 at 7:28 PM

  13. OMG … now you’ve done it! Now I’ll have to go get my Do Do Dum Dum’s … now where did I put those… oh, no, their in Sister Madly’s hair… 🙂 Great piece.. I may have to get poem going now… 🙂

    Like

    August 19, 2014 at 11:20 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Dum Dums in my hair- that’s an image I’ll be carrying with me for the rest of the day.

      And by all means, keep writing- I really enjoy reading your poetry!

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2014 at 11:19 AM

  14. I must admit, upon seeing the first picture of the Dodo, I had a flashback, way back, to those comical villains of my youth in Spy vs Spy. How many will remember those stories, I wonder? I suspect the Dodo of being far more villainous, however. Exploding onion containers and habanero wipes, oh my!

    Like

    August 20, 2014 at 8:41 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Yes, that pic is quite Spy vs. Spy-esque- I know exactly what you’re talking about!

      I’d like to say that there is no one more villainous than the Dodo, but then someone would come along and prove me wrong…

      Liked by 1 person

      August 20, 2014 at 8:56 PM

  15. Sea of Legos 🙂 You must be a Mama?

    Like

    November 2, 2014 at 10:57 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Actually, I do not have children. I grew up playing with Legos and have suffered the consequences of not picking up after myself. 😉

      I do, however, know people with children- yet I still go barefoot through their homes…

      Liked by 1 person

      November 2, 2014 at 11:22 PM

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