Romancing the Mobile Slaughterer

Even when she is alone, Sister Madly likes to recite her revenge speeches aloud, complete with sarcasm and flashy gestures. But as of late, she finds herself unable to plan any sort of retribution or midnight escapade with efficiency, because her thoughts are held hostage by Toto’s Rosanna.

It was the result of another weekend at the Casino with the Professors, one with more supervision than the last time. Once she had successfully slipped out of the Toto concert, which was no small feat, the newly liberated Sister Madly was left to wander the grounds at her leisure.

walks-in-the-forest

In the past, Sister Madly would find herself crawling back to the Professor’s company once boredom got the better of her; however, she conquered this monotony the moment she discovered the joys of scavenging- in short, retrieving money vouchers left behind by previous gamblers at the slots. By the end of the night, a few cents here and there would amount to a grand total of $3.28; those citizens who hit the jackpot, however, were a little more diligent about collecting their vouchers. Sister Madly finds this very unsporting of them.

(Not quite a year since you went away… Rosanna…)

005

And so it came to pass that Sister Madly, on her second lap around the Casino, came upon a treasure of another sort: a pristine and still-packaged fortune cookie. Though not a gambler in the traditional sense, Sister Madly didn’t mind taking her chances with the Fortune Cookie gods. Rosanna was still stuck in her head, so the evening couldn’t get much worse, could it?

There were several cookies scattered throughout the Casino, each one implying that adventure, happiness, sunshine and daffodils were imminent. Indeed, it was a thrilling time, as past fortune cookies have remained steadfastly indifferent about the future of Sister Madly. The whole thing was very David Lynch.

006

(Now she’s gone and I have to say)

That is, until —> —> —> —>

Now, if the fortune is misspelled, does that veto its authority? It would be tragic if Sister Madly ended up toothless and alone merely because the gods neglected to engage a proper spellchecker. And even if the gods honored the intent of the fortune rather than its grammar, a romance coming “YOU way soon” was just too barbaric to be magical. She gave up on the fortune cookies after that.

But that did not mean the universe was through having fun at her expense.

(Meet you all the way, Rosanna…)

While pausing to watch the Roulette Wheel, Sister Madly came across a business card with this curious heading:

Mobile Sltr CROP

The Casino experience is quite different when one knows that there is a Mobile Slaughterer on the loose. Suddenly, everyone looked like one of the Seven Deadly Sins; everyone behaved as though they were piling corpses in the closet and hiding dismembered butterflies under their beds. Anyone who so much as smiled at Sister Madly no doubt had an evil agenda worse than anything that even the Dodo could have conjured; fortunately, she also has a smile that can make people turn tail and run screaming into a field of cabbages. Sister Madly mastered that one at the tender age of 8.

But there was something about the card that originally escaped her notice:

Mobile Sltr

Sister Madly, Mobile Slaughterer 

By no means is Sister Madly the most common name on the planet, but it would be foolish to assume that she is the only one. Sure, she’s been known to dress in typical Serial Killer Couture while chopping onions- and other things- but she insists that this is purely a coincidence. Her arsenal of sharp objects is nothing to be feared, and though her knowledge of poisonous plants is somewhat on the suspicious side, it can be chalked up to a passing interest in herb lore. Yes, there is an answer for everything.

Except on how to get Rosanna out of her head. There is no answer for that.

Indeed, the whole thing is very David Lynch.

POST’S THEME SONG: Rosanna, Toto

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32 responses

  1. LOL, oh my, the promise of romance and a no name mobile slaughterer. It reminds me of the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. Perhaps you’re destined to find three men in a tub? That doesn’t sound altogether unpleasant.

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 7:15 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I suppose that depends on who those three men are! 😀

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 2:58 PM

  2. There may be more by namesake….but there is truly only one Sister a Madly.

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 9:08 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, there had better be only one! Even I don’t like dealing with me at times!

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 3:06 PM

  3. Maybe the business card belongs to you and represents another hidden personality lurking under Sister Madly’s surface. I suspect she is as deep as an ocean canyon and as dark.

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 11:35 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Hmmm… I’d like to think that I would know if I was a Mobile Slaughterer, but it’s possible that I’m not familiar with every facet of my personality.

      Maybe it’s best NOT to know…

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 3:11 PM

  4. Bahaha! Laughter coming you way! 😀 (As for how to lose Rosanna, I haven’t a clue. But when you find a cure, let me know. I have been officially infected. Thanks.)

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 11:55 AM

    • Sister Madly

      For a short time this morning, Rosanna was defeated by Billy Joel’s Piano Man, which isn’t much better.

      However, I’ve discovered that if I simply text the name Rosanna to any of the Professors, they, too, are infected by the song. 😈 A hollow victory in the end, but there is a certain pleasure in for a time.

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 3:16 PM

      • Ha! Your poor professors… As for Piano Man, even Billy Joel admits that it is annoying. It is the only melody he has written which never concludes. It just runs in an continuous loop. Kind of reminids me of a few of my own blog posts, actually… note to self: Listen to less 80s music and work on conclusions…

        Liked by 2 people

        August 8, 2014 at 1:29 AM

  5. Do you find that the truth is sometimes a little strange?

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 12:48 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I find the truth to be strange more often than not!

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 3:18 PM

  6. I think REO Speedwagon’s “Keep on Lovin’ You” has the power to scrub “Rosanna” clean out of your brain…but at what expense?

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 5:04 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, that is tough!

      I will not even let myself think about that song, lest it begins a duet with Rosanna

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 5:23 PM

  7. So we here at Agent L find ourselves, this summer, having to do repetitive, physical tasks over the roar of a 4000 HP catamaran every day, and every day we go through pretty much the same rotation in our brain. (We’re about to show our age.) First we find ourselves working to the tune of LEN, You Steal My Sunshine. When we realize we’ve been humming that for god knows how long we quick switch to another earworm. “Someday… when my life has passed me by… I’ll lay around and wonder why…” and when I come to and realize that THAT’s what’s stuck in my head the only cure is to go “ZIG-A-ZIG-AH!” until that becomes unbearable and then onto “I’m a barbie girl, in my barbie world…” and so on and so forth… all the songs, basically, the lyrics of which stuck into my head without any personal intent through sheer exposure in the late nineties, generally while driving aimlessly around from 7-11 to 7-11, until I get off work and listen to good music and then I am saved. If Journey gets stuck in my head, though, god help me. As to the business card- I shouldn’t worry about it. You’re probably just blacking out periodically, (narcolepsy? multiple personality disorder? subconscious self-ruffie-ing?) and cutting up people when you can’t remember. Doesn’t count.

    Like

    August 7, 2014 at 7:37 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Those songs- i remember most of them, although I stubbornly cling to the eighties/mid ninties for nostalgic reasons (I’m a sucker for nostalgia) As for Journey- Don’t Stop Believin‘ has proven itself to be a hook for me. I try not to listen to closely, and I dare not think of their other songs for fear of some insurgent earworm that will leave me singing their tunes until kingdom come…

      Like

      August 7, 2014 at 8:13 PM

  8. I am suddenly very curious about this smile of yours.

    As for the business card…


    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sister-Madly/189513894410699
    https://www.facebook.com/SisterMadlyCreations

    Seems your identity has been replicated, and is spreading across the globe. To me, you are still the one and only.

    Hey, my identity comes from the nickname of a certain famous writer’s genitalia.

    -JT

    Like

    August 8, 2014 at 10:42 AM

    • Sister Madly

      It’s good to know that there are others with my name, so I can pass the blame as needed.

      Ok, I admit- I took the name from the song. Nowhere near as colorful as the source of your identity! 😀

      Like

      August 8, 2014 at 1:39 PM

  9. Cnawan Fahey

    So pleased to have discovered your insanity.

    Like

    August 9, 2014 at 11:39 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you- glad to have you along for the ride!

      Liked by 1 person

      August 9, 2014 at 1:06 PM

  10. I enjoyed this. I’m craving Chinese take out though with ask of those fortune cookies laid out in the casino. Maybe I’ll find one with a nice grammatical error. You’ll be the first to know! 🙂

    Like

    August 10, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Please do! I’ve love to hear what the Cookie Gods have in store for you! 😀

      Like

      August 10, 2014 at 1:49 PM

  11. Madly fantastic. I think I’ll give up and run into that field of cabbages

    Like

    August 15, 2014 at 8:03 PM

    • Sister Madly

      You might be safer in an onion field!

      Like

      August 15, 2014 at 9:45 PM

  12. Stellar and epic, all spun together and spit out on my face… In the form of a smile. Well played, love. Well played.

    Like

    August 17, 2014 at 10:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      You certainly have a way with words! But that’s why I like your poetry- I will certainly be back!

      Like

      August 17, 2014 at 12:24 PM

      • Thank you. I’ve been reading your site all day. Very well written and extremely funny. Thanks and keep it coming!

        Liked by 1 person

        August 17, 2014 at 4:41 PM

  13. a not so south place …. shhhhhhhhhhhhhh don’t tell

    Like

    February 14, 2015 at 2:29 PM

    • Sister Madly

      You’re secret’s safe with me.

      But stop leaving your business cards lying about the casino- I can only claim ignorance for so long.

      Oh, wait- that’s my name on the card…

      Liked by 1 person

      February 14, 2015 at 4:23 PM

      • And it is lovely shade of blood you chose for the card. Would you be so kind as to pass along to Mom Fowl as she did ask to know, that the ahhhhhhhh Rosanna problem has been shall we say, dispatched.

        As always Milady,glad to be of service.

        Liked by 1 person

        February 14, 2015 at 4:46 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Rosanna is… no longer a problem.

          Like

          February 14, 2015 at 4:51 PM

        • Rosanna is no longer a problem and I don’t foresee Rosanna ever being a problem again. But should she surface…..

          Milady

          Liked by 1 person

          February 14, 2015 at 4:57 PM

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