Banana Curry Pizza ~ Disasterchef 2: Chaotic Neutral
It’s no secret that Sister Madly’s pedigree is largely mongrel, said to include Eastern Europe, Scandinavia, a dash of the British Isles, and the Middle East. However, part of this bloodline was scientifically confirmed the day Sister Madly was overcome by a most Scandinavian desire.
It happened the day she attended a casual ‘backyard BBQ,’ which quickly turned most pretentious with sushi, red wine, and lavender footbaths. It was upon fleeing the smoked oysters that Sister Madly encountered this pod from another planet hovering inside the kitchen:
Now Sister Madly found this to be extremely negligent- why, just anyone could wander in off the street, kick over that bag of golf clubs by the door, and make themselves a gourmet pizza. The Pod was not only sentient but a smooth talker with all the temptation of Original Sin…
You know what? To hell with this Pretentious BBQ- she’s making a Banana Curry Pizza!
Now, unless one is of Swedish descent, one does not naturally associate bananas with pizza; but as Sister Madly had a bit of Sweden- and admittedly, a lot of cider- coursing through her veins, resistance was futile.
Surely it cannot be worse than assembling an IKEA bookshelf.*
* This inability to assemble IKEA furniture indicates that Sister Madly is not a purebred Swedish Maiden Fair.
As it turned out, Sister Madly has just enough Swedish in her to make a Banana Curry Pizza, but not enough to actually enjoy it. And as the environmentalist in her would not permit her to desecrate the land by tossing the monstrosity into the compost, Sister Madly left the Pizza on the counter, and decided it was no longer her problem.
And it wouldn’t have been, had it not been for the Professor.
“I need to know who’s responsible for this.”
Clearly the Professor did not hold a PhD in Pizza- to this day, Sister Madly couldn’t say in which field is his PhD; he just keeps emerging from Idaho with gifts of potatoes and unsolicited commentary on her culinary creations.
That would be Sweden, Professor.
Just what is it about bananas that automatically makes one suspect Sister Madly? Sure, there was that whole Ham and Banana Hollandaise thingy, but had you let her help with the Scotch Eggs that day, that dish would never have materialized.
“You can’t just throw whatever you want onto a crust and call it a pizza!”
Yes she can.
“It’s pizza- there are rules.”
There are no rules, Professor! The freedom to top one’s pizza with whatever noms desired was clearly one of the subjects discussed amongst the Founding Fathers. While never officially included in the Constitution, it is implicit in the Second Amendment- The Right to Bear Arms- as deviant pizza toppings* have been perceived by many as a threat to one’s safety and wellbeing- of which you have been inferring, sir, for the last 3 minutes.
* See the great ‘Does Pineapple Belong on a Pizza?’ debate.
There was something touching in the way this PhD struggled to comprehend how one could defend a Pizza that she created yet found completely disgusting.
… are you talking about Sister Madly, or the pizza? Because there is nothing neutral about that pizza- proud of it, though she may be.
Oh, but the Professor had an explanation- D&D terms were involved- and a most narcoleptic dissertation it promised to be, had he not been interrupted by a plucky little Bohemian declaring the Pizza to be “just so frickin’ amazing.”
The Professor had but one response:
“Stay right there, I’m calling the police.”
BANANA CURRY PIZZA
- pizza crust, homemade or ready-made
- pizza sauce
- 1 banana, sliced
- smoked ham, thinly sliced
- 1/2 red onion, sliced
- curry powder
- garam masala
- mozzarella, shredded
- gouda, shredded (opt)
Preheat oven to 450* (or as recommended by ready-made crust)
Mix pizza sauce with curry powder to taste (opt)
Spread thin layer of pizza sauce over crust
Cover with grated cheese
Top with ham, onion, and banana
Sprinkle bananas with curry powder and garam masala
Bake until cheese is melted and crust is cooked through; approx 15 min
THEME SONG: Anything by ABBA