Chicken Shawarma ~ The Atomic Bread-Shepherd

During the first few weeks of summer, a young Sister Madly would wait impatiently for hours to play with her friend Serafina, who was a member of a strict and rather unfun denomination known for its boycotts of various fast-food joints and hosting ‘safe alternatives’ to Halloween. That week, it was Vacation Bible School* that rudely took up Serafina’s mornings, and when Sister Madly showed up at her house later that day, Serafina was trying to draw a picture of Jesus.

* Fortunately, Sister Madly’s mother wouldn’t discover this Summer Vacation Buzzkill for a few years yet.

Now Sister Madly had absolutely no idea what Jesus looked like, aside from the usual pictures of a long-haired, melancholy European holding his pet lamb. After much discussion, she and Serafina were pretty certain that this was an inaccurate depiction, as most of the churches they’ve encountered frowned upon men having long hair. As it was now up to them to right this horrible wrong, they approached the mission like lovely, little know-it-alls of all things sacred, tossing out terms associated with the Divine- such as holy, church on Sundays, and eternal.*

* While she did not fully appreciate ‘eternity’ as a child, as an adult, Sister Madly now flirts with the infinite on a weekly basis.

Since the girls lived in an era a few years after Jesus, Sister Madly decided to ransack the bible for a description of said messiah- she was a bit more of a know-it-all than Serafina, despite not being a member of a strict and unfun denomination at the time.

Nowhere was he described as the long-haired, melancholy European that the art world seems to favor; rather, Sister Madly came upon a host of verses which the artists of yesteryear clearly overlooked:

  • Bread of Life.

Obviously, this was no ordinary loaf of bread; it was alive– which meant the Loaf had a face.

  • Good Shepherd.

To the Smiling Loaf of Bread was added a Shepherd’s Staff.

  • Light of the World.

A magnificent Sunburst was drawn around the Smiling Loaf of Bread-Shepherd.

  • The Alpha and the Omega.

The Inedible End-Slice of Bread was added, which symbolized the Alpha and the Omega.

  • The Resurrection and the Life.

Since Bread rises when baked, there was no need for further artistic depiction. Still, there was concern that merely implying the Resurrection via oven and yeast was too profound and complex for the adult mind; thus they decided to include the baking temp for The Smiling, Atomic, Loaf of Bread-Shepherd.

Sister Madly, however, knew nothing about the joys of baking bread; she only knew the joys of delivering it to the neighbors in a wagon through the snow. And Serafina- well, she only knew the joys of Peanut Butter and Pickle Sandwiches.*

* Sister Madly prefers Peanut Butter and Banana.

So Sister Madly suggested they call Information.

Even as a little Moppet, Sister Madly knew that Information was a direct line to the All-Knowing Oracle, as people were always calling it in old television shows asking for phone numbers; but when the Oracle had no answer, Sister Madly asked for the number to a Bread-Making Store. When told that there was no such thing as a Bread-Making Store, it became clear that the Oracle found that Sister Madly & Co. already possessed the information they sought deep within themselves, thus making them wise beyond their 7 years.

Unfortunately, the inherent Bread-Baking Temp Knowledge was hidden far-too deep within their souls to be discovered by 9 AM the following day, so they had no other choice than to depict the Bread actually rising.

And that is what they did.

  • Bread of Life.

Obviously, this was no ordinary slice of bread; it was alive– which meant the Slice had a face.

  • Good Shepherd.

To the Smiling Slice of Bread was added a Shepherd’s Staff.

  • Light of the World.

A magnificent Sunburst was drawn around the Smiling Slice of Bread-Shepherd.

  • The Alpha and the Omega.

Detail was added to indicate that the Smiling, Atomic Bread-Shepherd is the Inedible End-Slice, which symbolized the Alpha and the Omega.

  • The Resurrection and the Life.

The Smiling, Atomic, Inedible End-Slice of Bread-Shepherd pops merrily out of a Toaster.

As you can see, Sister Madly’s artistic skills have vastly improved since she was 7. This pleases her.

CHICKEN SHAWARMA

  • 6-8 boneless chicken thighs, whole

MARINADE

  • 5-7 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 TBSP sumac
  • 1 TBSP smoked paprika
  • ½ tsp turmeric
  • ½ tsp cumin
  • ½ tsp ground coriander
  • ¼ tsp ground cardamom
  • ¼ tsp cayenne, or to taste
  • 1 tsp salt, or to taste
  • 2 TBSP lemon juice
  • ¼ cup Greek yogurt
  • ¼ cup oil, or as needed

Mix marinade ingredients together
Add chicken, shake/stir to coat
Refrigerate 30 min- 24 hours

PREPARATION
Remove Chicken from fridge 30+ min before baking
Preheat oven to 375*
Skewer chicken on metal or pre-soaked bamboo skewers
Lay skewers on greased baking track in baking tray
Cover with any remaining marinade
Bake for 45-60 min, or until cooked through
Slice and serve with pita

THEME SONG: Personal Jesus, Depeche Mode

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22 responses

  1. Communion makes a whole lot more sense now…

    Liked by 2 people

    October 21, 2018 at 5:39 AM

  2. Haha! I loved your research on how Jesus looks like and your rendition of shepherd, alpha and omega!! Brilliant SM. Thanks for a good laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 21, 2018 at 6:17 AM

  3. Those drawings are all the rage. 🔥🔥

    Liked by 1 person

    October 21, 2018 at 5:39 PM

    • Worthy of a private gallery showing in Paris, don’t you think? ;~D

      Liked by 1 person

      October 22, 2018 at 12:23 PM

      • Oh, definitely! If anything the other artists are going to envy you for taking away all their incoming money.

        Liked by 1 person

        October 22, 2018 at 3:37 PM

  4. And the “earth briefly becomes a sandwich” part. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 21, 2018 at 5:41 PM

  5. Careful you don’t slip on that greased baking track… still, before every rise there’s a fall, so maybe it’s supposed to be that way.

    Unless that’s actually a typo, and we’re supposed to cook the chicken to the Grease backing track? Think I prefer the Depeche Mode or maybe the JC version.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 21, 2018 at 10:50 PM

    • HA!

      Aye, it is definitely a typo- made several attempts yesterday to correct it after publishing but kept getting an error, so I figure ‘what the heck- just leave it.’

      Never underestimate the sharp eye of a Raven.

      Like

      October 22, 2018 at 12:20 PM

      • It’s the sharp mind that makes the difference… and that I count editing and proof reading in my skill set. Actually your work is exemplary – it’s a treat to read something that I’m not correcting all the time. Kudos.

        Liked by 1 person

        October 23, 2018 at 3:31 AM

  6. When I was little, I thought they were saying cruc-a-fixin’, and I spent inordinate amount so of time trying to figure out how hanging up there fixed Jesus.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 22, 2018 at 10:46 AM

    • Ha ha ha- love it! ;c)

      I use to think it was cruc-i- FICTION, which was no end to trouble since the event was said to be true.

      Like

      October 22, 2018 at 12:19 PM

  7. Omg….. you had me rolling with this one…. thanks dear … nice life…. oh to know you as a kid would have been an adventure… lol

    Liked by 1 person

    October 23, 2018 at 8:33 AM

    • Is it not an adventure now? }:~o

      Like

      October 23, 2018 at 11:53 AM

      • Well you are much too far away for me to enjoy the full all out Sister Madly in you…. lol 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        October 23, 2018 at 1:24 PM

        • Perhaps one day I will revisit the land of my birth… you will know when that is when there is a zucchini on your porch.

          Liked by 1 person

          October 23, 2018 at 2:03 PM

  8. That was HILARIOUS! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 26, 2018 at 5:58 AM

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