Pork Udon Curry ~ The Coquettish Maiden Fair
So apparently, this is a thing now…
…which is totally unfair. No one has ever made Sister Madly into a beer.
She knows how this happened; she need look no further than to a Renaissance Faire some 10+ years ago, when her friends stole her Medieval Love-Finding Bingo Rock and gave it to the Dodo.
Everybody knows that Bingo Rocks are enchanted; after all, they’ve united love-seeking desperados across many millennia who might otherwise have never realized that a talking tree was their Soulmate. Sister Madly’s willy-nilly selection of Rock 88 was no mistake in the Love-Finding Universe; the Fates knew that she was just as likely to read the stone upside-down as right-side up- 88 would all but guarantee that Sister Madly connected with her Soulmate instead of a wandering pudding.
However, after a tedious encounter with a cheeky Thyme Lord, Sister Madly began to suspect her friends had not been forthright with her. It was only a hunch, of course, but that is the best way to solve a mystery- clues and evidence be damned, a hunch is always the preferred method according to the movies- and Sister Madly had a hunch that this scheme was the brainchild of a master scam artist.* The Scott’s claimed they gave her Medieval Love-Finding Bingo Rock to the Dodo, but Sister Madly had seen neither hide nor hair of the Ol’ Bird all day.
* Although ‘artist’ may be a bit generous… More like scam finger-painter.
So she thought to herself, Self… do you really want to place all your starry-eyed dreams on the whims of a Ye Olde Bingo Rock? Let’s face it: that’s a few steps away from seeing the Virgin Mary in a Poptart. Are you so far removed from society that you don’t understand how Romance works?
* Sister Madly always responds to her own questions, otherwise she gets miffed at herself and will refuse to speak to herself for days.
But even though she bailed on her own Romance, Sister Madly was no less curious as to what the Fates had in store for everyone else. Thus she began calling out numbers at random- perhaps luring a few unfortunates with the false hope of her siren’s song- but that is the risk one takes when dipping a toe in the dating pool. During the course of this lovey-dovey investigation, Sister Madly learned that the Fates paired Bingo Rock 45 with a Spanish Inquisitor:
… 67 with the Living Embodiment of Dark Matter:
… and lucky number 13 with what can only be described as a Lump:*
* It might have been a Troll.
Having been most successful in locating the Soulmates of those unfortunate chumps, Sister Madly decided not to give up on love altogether, and took a crack at finding her own- she may not have the Medieval Love-Finding Bingo Rock on her side, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t win her True Love over by playing the coquettish maiden fair. Apparently, flirting was quite popular in days of yore.
But Sister Madly was created with a bit of a design flaw: she is completely incapable of playing the Coquettish Maiden Fair without looking like a psychotic Miss Piggy with a bad case of the collywobbles, and that had a catastrophic effect on flirting… never before had a Reaper dropped his scythe and run like that…
She blames it on her recessive genes.
Sister Madly didn’t know it that day, but had she retrieved her Rock, it would have been she – not the Dodo – who met her True Love, who frolicked happily around a maypole, and who would now be a local beer.
Instead, she contemplated the clouds while lying in a field of buttercups- having properly filled herself with cider, of course.
PORK UDON CURRY
- 1 sm onion, chopped
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1-2 tbsp ginger, minced
- 1 chili, chopped and seeded to taste
- 1 tsp turmeric
- 1 tsp curry powder
- ½ tsp coriander
- ½ tsp cumin
- ½ tsp paprika
- 1 bay
- udon or ramen noodles
- sliced pork
- 1-2 tsp fish sauce
- 1½ cup chicken broth
- 1 can coconut milk
- lime juice, to taste
- chives, for garnish
Saute onions in hot oil until translucent
Add garlic, ginger, and chili; saute 2-3 min
Add spices; saute 30 sec
Add pork; brown slightly; 2-3 min
Add broth, coconut milk, and fish sauce; bring to a boil
Reduce heat and simmer until pork is cooked through
Add udon/ramen; simmer until tender
Remove from heat; add lime juice and garnish with chives
THEME SONG: Lover, Lover, Lover, Leonard Cohen
1) Black Plague Brewing
2) Christopher Lovell