Bourbon Maple Chicken ~ The Power of Cheese
In Sister Madly’s experience, cheeses don’t just pop across the marketplace like champagne corks; so it was something of a surprise when she found herself assaulted by a wedge of Camembert. To find the source of the offending cheese, she had to look no farther than the dreadlocked gent now contemplating the Brie, who gave no explanation other than the Camembert had ‘bad energy.’
Technically speaking, sir, everything has energy, if only potential- Sister Madly learned that much as a wee little thing in Science Class.
But Science doesn’t cover Cheese Energy as far as she knows, except with respect to other objects or situations.
Take gravitational cheese energy, for example: Sister Madly can stuff you full of Brie and throw you off the roof; for electrical, that outlet by the sushi bar appears to be rather volatile.* However, if it’s thermal cheese energy you seek, Sister Madly will be more than happy to set the Brie on fire.
Sister Madly is all about helping her fellow man.
* A conclusion drawn by the presence of several bewildered electricians and lots of pretty sparks.
But the Dreadlocked Gent did not want the help of his fellow man, choosing rather to determine the energy himself by meditating with every Cheese- and she does mean every. He immediately bonded with a cheeky little Manchego from the discount basket, but did not jive with the Asiago nor the Double Gloucester with Chives; Sister Madly avoided those projectiles successfully.
Perhaps Cheese has properties she never realized, much like how the cancerous side-effects of radiation were of no surprise, but the subsequent arrival of Godzilla & Company was somewhat unexpected. Maybe Bad Cheese Energy has its own side-effects: it could be the reason why Sister Madly has 2 different-sized feet, or why her hair gets hair-band big after the rain, or why she is perpetually the 5th wheel amongst her friends.* Bad Cheese Energy may have been responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire, or the extinction of the dinosaurs; it could be the reason behind corruption in politics.
* Although that 5th wheel thing might have everything to do with Sister Madly being a proper lunatic.
But upon thinking about it, Sister Madly realized that she has experienced the Power of Cheese: once, a Provolone attempted to enslave her in the kitchen, while not too long ago she dabbled with Stilton, which is said to induce dreams. Sister Madly did dream that night, but it was nothing like the acid trip of pure imagination that was promised. Then again, perhaps Stilton is the LSD of cheeses, and the dreams will manifest as a series of magnificent flashbacks in years to come.
In fact, there’s one now…
This most sophisticated salutation was accompanied by an insane proposition by the Happy Phlebotomist, who was in the field militantly actively recruiting for the local Blood Drive- at least, he was militantly actively recruiting Sister Madly.*
* Sister Madly isn’t sure ‘Booyah!’ is the best way to recruit souls for a blood-draining ritual… but then, she isn’t a professional.
Since the Phlebotomy Community of America has yet to figure out a needle-free way to extract blood (osmosis, for example- that’s a very science-y thing) Sister Madly was unable to accept his most intriguing proposition (apparently, the draining ritual comes with a free cookie!) but she was just fresh out of blood. It’s one of the more unfortunate side-effects of being a Moppet.
“But you’re all about helping your fellow man.”
Just when did she say that?
“About 10 minutes ago.”
… she was rather hoping you didn’t hear that…
BOURBON MAPLE CHICKEN
- 6-8 chicken drums/thighs
- 1 TBSP cumin
- 1 TBSP coriander
- 2 tsp chipotle pepper
- 2 tsp salt
- 1 TBSP lime juice
- 3-4 TBSP olive oil, or as needed
- ½ cup bourbon
- ½ cup maple syrup
- 2 TBSP Worcestershire Sauce
- 1 TBSP tomato paste
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
- 1/4 tsp cayenne, or to taste
- salt/pepper, to taste
- 1 tsp lime juice
Mix together marinade ingredients
Add chicken; shake/mix to coat
Refrigerate 30min – 24hrs
Mix together all ingredients except lime juice
Bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer to reduce (glaze will coat spoon)
Mix in lime juice and remove from heat
Preheat oven to 400*
Place chicken on greased baking rack in tray
Bake for 45 min
Remove from oven, brush chicken with glaze
Return to oven; bake 10-15 min, or until cooked through
Brush with remaining glaze straight from oven
THEME SONG: Meltdown, AC/DC