Island Pulled Chicken ~ A Mean Case of the Grumpies

Mornings are not always sunshine and good cheer; in fact, they can be downright sadistic. Take last week, for instance: upon fighting the blankets with her usual morning petulance, Sister Madly was assaulted by the blinding flash of a Near Death Experience.

That’s right: she punched herself in the eye.

It is only natural that, in the few moments following a Near Death Experience, one considers the life choices that eventually led to this moment. Sister Madly can’t say that her 5-Year Plan had been ambitious, but it was adequate:

Now that she had been given a second chance in life, Sister Madly was left with a newfound sense of purpose; having long-since accomplished nothing on the above list, she decided it was time to fully embrace the dream of And-Then-They’ll-All-Be-Sorry by playing the role of a mature, responsible adult.

Not that she knows how to be an Adult, let alone a responsible one; as for maturity- face it, there are cheeses more mature than Sister Madly. But ‘fake it until you make it,’ as they say, and Sister Madly started by faking her way to the market; all she found in her pantry that morning was a jar of capers and a sweet potato growing tentacles- epic tentacles. After all, Adults don’t let their cupboards go bare, lest they come down with a mean case of the grumpies.

But once at the market, Sister Madly found no shopping baskets, no carts, not even one of those motorized scooters she has no business using- nothing, but this seething, diabolical dirigible:

The idea of using this apparatus without a flock of squawking children was out of the question. As a single individual well-over the tender age of 25, Sister Madly’s only choice was to purchase whatever she could fit in her arms and forego the rest. But as her pocket-sized physique can carry only so much, it meant either foregoing cleaning supplies, or food.

Her natural inclination was to forego the cleaning; her apartment is tiny- it’s about 80% bed, which means only 20% biohazard. That’s a ratio she can live with. Besides, Sister Madly can’t spend another night with the Tentacled Potato in her pantry; she’s pretty certain it plans to murder her in her sleep, and Adults don’t like to be murdered.

Then again, how do you plan on ridding yourself of the Potato, Sister Madly? If you eat it- thus risking turning into a mutant- you will need food in the morning; but if you throw it away- thus splitting the Earth in two- you will need cleaning supplies. No doubt it’s gooey inside of the Earth.

There is no way around it: all of your groceries are essential.

So Sister Madly tossed aside the threadbare remains of her self-respect, embraced this thing called Adulthood, and with the Despicable Dirigible promptly plowed into a massive display of Cadbury Eggs.

And nearby, a child started to cry.

Sister Madly will be sleeping in the sock drawer tonight. She suddenly finds herself with a mean case of the grumpies.

* Good news: Annie’s Mac & Cheese is 10 for $10 with your shopper’s card! You’ll find the deal scattered along the entire length of aisle 7.

ISLAND PULLED CHICKEN

CHICKEN
6-8 boneless chicken thighs, whole
2 sweet onions, sliced
2 TBSP Ginger, minced
1 TBSP Garlic, minced
1 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cumin
2 star anise
1½ chicken broth
¼ cup oil, or as needed

SAUCE
1 cup guava jam (used Mango, Guava, Passion Fruit Preserves)
6 TBSP pineapple, crushed
2 TBSP ginger
4 TBSP Worcestershire
1 TBSP rice wine vinegar
1 tsp gochujang/other chili sauce, or to taste
Salt, to taste
1 TBSP lime juice, or to taste

TO MAKE CHICKEN
Heat oil in Dutch oven
Add onions, stirring to coat
Lower heat, stirring occasionally until onions are caramelized (30-45 min)
Add ginger and garlic; stir to coat; 2 min
Mix in spices, broth, and chicken; bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer until chicken is cooked (25 min)
With 2 forks, shred chicken in pan

TO MAKE SAUCE
Mix together sauce ingredients EXCEPT lime juice
Add sauce to chicken; mix
Simmer to reduce and thicken; 10-15 min
Add lime juice; stir and remove from heat

THEME SONG: When I Grow Up, Garbage

22 responses

  1. Sister Madly, try to co exist with Potato 🥔, stick Him in a Bell Jar with water and he’ll be happy as a potato in a bell Jar. Love the recipe, so delish.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 6, 2018 at 5:11 AM

    • The Potato has gone far-beyond Bell Jar size and has entered Industrial Mop Bucket territory- however, I do know where to find one of those. It would be nice to have a contented potato plant on the fire escape.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 6, 2018 at 11:58 AM

      • You could be friends…just don’t turn your back on him!

        Liked by 1 person

        April 6, 2018 at 11:59 AM

        • Good advice- in the horror films, the monster always attacks once you break eye contact- and this potato sure has eyes!

          Like

          April 6, 2018 at 12:05 PM

  2. I thought might show a recipe for tentacled sweet potato soup. Alas , I am most disappointed in you. for I have one of my own tentacled potatoes taking over my place which is need of consumption. I will TAKE the risk of tuning into a mutant the next morning. I look forward to it actually …. 🙂

    BTW…..The “then they’ll all be sorry” part of your plan sounds pretty diabolical for an ending to your upended 5yr plan…. I am thinking I am glad it did not succeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 6, 2018 at 5:32 AM

    • It is more likely that the Potato will be posting a recipe. It is the one with evil intentions.

      Even now, I can hear it laughing… from your cupboard…

      Liked by 1 person

      April 6, 2018 at 12:02 PM

  3. Another brilliantly funny read! Awesome “potato with tentacles” boy you weren’t kidding!! You just plant it!🤣 Hope you have a better Friday and a restful weekend. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    April 6, 2018 at 7:04 AM

  4. A close call Ms Madly. Your followers and stake holders are pleased there was no permanent damage done, apparently.

    Prey tell Sis, did this unfortunate tuber event take place on a Friday the 13th?

    Liked by 1 person

    April 6, 2018 at 12:44 PM

    • Friday the 13th? Next week??

      Thanks for the warning.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 6, 2018 at 12:59 PM

      • Yes next week…. ohhhhh what a day it shall be, provided of course winter is over.

        Liked by 1 person

        April 6, 2018 at 2:06 PM

        • If it isn’t over, do as I shall be doing: hiding in the sock drawer, waving the white flag of surrender.

          Like

          April 6, 2018 at 2:21 PM

        • Ya know, that threesome is still looking for a 4th for bridge, I’m thinkin’ Mother Illnature is elected!

          Liked by 1 person

          April 6, 2018 at 2:30 PM

        • London Bridge? The one that’s falling down…?

          Liked by 1 person

          April 6, 2018 at 2:34 PM

        • Nope, the bottom of the splash pool!

          Liked by 1 person

          April 7, 2018 at 10:00 AM

  5. Er… get a duvet? Easier on the eyes first thing in the early afternoon.

    Then you can use the resentful blanket for subduing the more assertive larder fauna… or at a push, or pull, drag it round the market with your groceries piled on top. You can tell the kiddies that it’s a magic carpet and you forgot to put it on charge last night. They’ll believe that – at least the second part.

    I had “chicken surprise” for dinner last night, on account of being completely out of green beans and cake mix. And chicken.

    Recipe: Take half a jar of Thai curry paste. Scrape off the fur.

    There, that’ll surprise you, and keep on surprising you all week, at inconvenient moments, no doubt.

    Sleep well, wake carefully.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 6, 2018 at 1:22 PM

    • I’ve decided to forego bedding altogether and just sleep hanging upside down from the rafters.

      I’m beginning to think the big shopping cart/thing is a test: if one can maneuver it without destroying the market, one just might be suitable for parenthood… MIGHT…

      I like surprises, but I think I’m going to pass on that one, oh Brave Raven.

      Like

      April 6, 2018 at 1:52 PM

  6. Thay combo of mango, guava and passion fruit sounds really good.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 12, 2018 at 10:43 AM

    • Aye, it is!! Couldn’t make it to the tropics this winter, so I bought a jar of jam instead. ;c)

      Like

      April 12, 2018 at 11:15 AM

  7. locksley2010

    That potato was, in fact, a creature put there by The Dodo! If those tentacles had grown by another centimetre, it would have latched it self to your head and popped those tentacles into your nose and ears….. something was watching over you and woke you up in the only way it knew how!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2018 at 11:40 AM

    • I expect that sort of behavior from a cabbage, not a potato- I mean, if you can’t trust a potato, who can you trust???

      Evil Dodo…

      Liked by 1 person

      April 24, 2018 at 1:53 PM

If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.