Tandoori Chicken Samosas ~ The Chair that Sought World Domination

It was over 5 years ago that the Chair first appeared on the sidewalk, and Sister Madly wanted it. She didn’t need another chair and the thing was as ugly as incompetent gumbo, but by golly it was free, thus worthy of bragging rights- much like her CD single of Milli Vanilli’s Girl I’m Gonna Miss You once found in a free bin. Sister Madly’s a sucker for nostalgia.

She spent the day watching the Chair from the window, her wide eyes and polished halo assuring those passing by that she only wanted to make sure the Chair returned to its rightful owner; however, what Sister Madly really wanted was to be sure she was the one to claim it.

All afternoon, she paced back and forth through the kitchen, carrying on imaginary conversations with potential rivals while boxing mosquitoes and strumming her lips in utter boredom. After midnight, she and Tallulah hauled the monstrosity inside.

It soon became clear that not only did the Chair want the apartment to itself, that had been its intent all along, letting such wishes be known by the most satanic stench that only a Chair of that pomposity could produce: cigars, swamp gas, death, and tuna-marinated soccer feet. It happened overnight, making much of itself in the apartment like an unwelcomed uncle. Never once did Sister Madly think that there might be something wrong with the Chair as it was cheerfully lugged into the flat- it was absolutely hideous, sure, but Sister Madly had convinced herself that it was in a delightfully tacky sort of way.

It wasn’t long after that Sister Madly came up with a plan, one that included Tallulah, an abandoned truck, and just enough detail to make the lives of those involved thoroughly inconvenient: said truck- and everything that just happened to be inside of it- was to be towed within 72 hours per the obnoxious sticker on the window. If all went as planned, both Chair and truck would be happily tucked away in some impound lot within a week’s time.

Tallulah, however, thought it best to leave the Chair on the side of the road as it was found, albeit after dark. This sister/roommate/she-who-is-often-not-around-when-disaster-strikes was sometimes grown-up and unfun like that.

After successfully begging, sulking, and plying her with wine, it suddenly made sense to now wise Tallulah to leave the Chair inside the Soon-To-Be-Towed Truck at midnight- a plan that was ruthlessly thwarted by the City, who had towed the truck earlier that day during the plying-with-wine fest.

The entire block was then circled as the two tipsy yet wise siblings attempted to abandon the neon-striped horror in a place that was not in full-view of twenty apartments; there was even talk of burying the beast in the cemetery, as it already smelled of death and would probably go unnoticed. But the Chair had become quite attached to Sister Madly, refusing to roll over the cracks, clinging desperately to the curbs, even sacrificing a wheel to the sewer grate in an attempt to remain with its true love.

It was at the sight of an old man watching from his window the siblings realized that, wherever the Chair ended up, someone would know exactly who was responsible, and that put an almighty damper on the evening. When the lovable curmudgeon made the expected “What the hell…?” inquiry, Sister Madly said that they were taking their easy Chair for a walk, and there was no city ordinance against that.

For tonight, Dancing Eyeball will be standing in
for Lovable Curmudgeon.

The Chair returned home with them that night, locked away once again in the spare room. It was frequently bathed Febreze and other ritual oils in an attempt to keep it smelling fresh, so that when some psychotic recipient finally stands up and exclaims, “Hullo, I want that hideous thing!” he would not know of its Pit of Hell origin.

But it was the Goodwill Donation Truck that wound up with the Chair in the end. But that doesn’t matter, really; Sister Madly got it inside a truck after all.

TANDOORI CHICKEN SAMOSAS

  • 6 boneless chicken thighs, whole
  • Paneer, cubed (opt)
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1 tbsp ginger, minced
  • 2 star anise
  • 1 cinnamon stick
  • 1 tbsp garam masala
  • 1 tbsp sweet paprika
  • 1 tsp coriander
  • 1 tsp cumin
  • 1 tsp turmeric
  • 1/2 tsp cardamom
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp cayenne
  • salt/pepper, to taste
  • 1½-2 cups chicken stock
  • 3 tbsp tomato puree
  • 3 tbsp Greek yogurt, tempered*
  • Ghee/Oil
  • 2 sheets Puff Pastry
  • Egg, beaten

Saute onion until translucent; 8-10 min
Add garlic and ginger; saute 2-3 min
Add spices; saute until fragrant; 30 sec – 1 min
Add puree, chicken, and stock; bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer until chicken is cooked; 25 min
Shred chicken in sauce
Mix in paneer and tempered* yogurt; 3-5 min
Remove from heat; discard cinnamon stick and star anise

TEMPERING YOGURT
Start w/yogurt at room temperature if possible.
Gradually mix in hot cooking liquid
(Slowly heating yogurt prevents curdling/separating from shock)
After the yogurt’s sufficiently heated, add to the Tandoori.

PREPARING SAMOSAS
Preheat oven to 400*
Roll out pastry sheets; cut into 9 squares (approx 4”x4”ea)
Add filling to the center of each square
Fold pastry over filling
Brush egg wash over pastry
Bake 20-25 minutes, or until golden

THEME SONG: Girl I’m Gonna Miss You, Milli Vanilli

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16 responses

  1. I love samosas! I must say you had such an adventure with the chair. It does look hideous but retro! If thr stench was not prevalent I guess you can keep it😉

    Liked by 1 person

    October 1, 2017 at 6:13 AM

    • I do wonder what happened to the chair at Goodwill, after all the scented oils we doused it with prior to donating it wore off…

      Liked by 1 person

      October 1, 2017 at 10:15 AM

      • LOL! I wonder too if it will be back in the street again! But it did look really comfy and huge 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        October 1, 2017 at 10:03 PM

  2. Sorry typo “thr = the”

    Liked by 1 person

    October 1, 2017 at 6:14 AM

  3. For a while there I thought you were being the truck. When playing this game elder sibling(s) should be the truck cuz in case of ohhhh say suffering a “Myocardial Infarction” any younger sibling will tell you, the elders have lived long enough already.

    FYI, if you don’t make your yogurt angry you won’t have to temper it.

    And oddly, as I read your word “Strumming” the same word came winging in to my ears from coffee spot tune, “Killing Me Softly”. I found myself singing your prose (yes in my head) to that tune. It wasn’t bad.

    When I’ve figured out if that is white or black majik, I’ll let you know.

    As always Milady Madly, IDWIC.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 1, 2017 at 7:49 AM

    • Tis Black Magic, of course!

      Also, yogurt is always angry- that’s why its sour!

      Liked by 3 people

      October 1, 2017 at 10:19 AM

  4. OK, I’m intrigued… the chicken thighs are whole, and yet have no bone. Do you get your poultry from the same cult as the Bear? Or is this a case of “everything tastes like chicken, so just substitute 3/4 of an octopod and smile sweetly.”

    Same with the paneer (OctoPoidTentacle)?

    Not sure why your yoghurt is angry, unless it misses it’s H. Mine is pretty mild.

    Hmmm… feeling hungry now…

    Liked by 1 person

    October 2, 2017 at 12:37 AM

    • I get my chicken from the Cult of the Butcher, because I can’t catch a chicken on my own- I can hardly catch a cold.

      It does beg the question, though, what those Butchers are doing with them thigh bones. I imagine it’s some ritual that we’re better off knowing nothing about. Butchers are strange creatures, or so they say.

      Like

      October 2, 2017 at 11:05 PM

  5. What a great article! I actually liked Milli Vanilli back in the day! That chair doesn’t look too bad and the recipe looks great!!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017 at 5:17 PM

    • Thank you! Always glad to hear of another who appreciates Milli Vanill- or at the very least, someone who knows who they are!

      The chair looks innocent enough, true, but its scent is another story… should the apocalypse happen anytime soon, no doubt the chair is somehow behind it, willfully smelling of apocalyptic things….

      Liked by 1 person

      October 3, 2017 at 5:49 PM

  6. I always choose (i.e., salvage) my furniture ironically, too. And please tell SM that I am sorry that I tend to come around only after she has been over to Like my stuff. I don’t work in an office anymore, so I don’t have all day to roam the interwebs. To make it up to her, I shared this one on Facebook. It’s the first time I’ve tried to do that, and it worked!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 9, 2017 at 1:15 PM

    • No apologies needed. You’re free to visit as often or as little as you wish, although it is always good to hear from you and to see that you haven’t been recruited by some Evil Mime Cult. Despite what the government might tell us, they ARE out there, so do take care.

      And thank you for the share. ;c)

      Like

      October 10, 2017 at 2:24 PM

      • Well, I always believe what the government tells me. Is that so wrong?

        Liked by 1 person

        October 11, 2017 at 4:10 PM

  7. Whew! So I’m good then.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 12, 2017 at 3:58 PM

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