Pambazos ~ Doomsday Steppers

Is it too much to ask that bandits not steal the fire escape in the middle of the night?

This isn’t the first such heist in the Madliverse; once a tree outside her window disappeared for no good reason that she could tell, and Sister Madly has endured the morning kiss of the nuclear sun ever since.

For those psychotics who are contemplating a similar caper, do have the courtesy to leave the unfortunates some sort of warning- such as caution tape, or employing a limbless, black knight declaring that ‘none shall pass’ at the site where the staircase used to be. Had the aforementioned bandit embraced these basic underworld civilities, his feat would have appeared as a cozy little blurb in the apartment newsletter to be marveled by the tenets over a cup of cocoa.

Instead, Sister Madly and Co. discovered the architectural deficiency in the most astonishing manner possible.*

* T’was even more astonishing to the tenet below, at whose feet was dropped a bag of putrid trash, along with Sister Madly’s shoe.

Judging by her neighbor’s slit-eyed glare, it would seem that Sister Madly, herself, was widely considered responsible for the heist. Sure, some say that her mind is as twisted as a pretzel, and she has been known to have a teeny-tiny problem with pyromania*- hardly worth mentioning, really- but that doesn’t mean she has the capability to waltz off with a fire escape at a moment’s notice. In fact, such a heist would be nearly impossible for anyone shorter than a Sneech- and Sister Madly is hardly a Sneech.

* The untimely flambéing of that lone corn fritter, that German Christmas Pinwheel Thingy, and New Year’s Day 2014 were all accidents- happy little accidents.

But that doesn‘t mean such allegations are unfounded. As the more devout amongst you know, August 8th is the most significant festivity of the year: Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night, and Sister Madly can be counted amongst the faithful.

Now if our dear Moppet took the term ‘neighbor’ literally, she need only open her door and chuck a zucchini across the hall- an act that has been deemed ‘less-than neighborly’ by tenets in the past. Zucchini Night is one of the few times a year that Sister Madly embraces the ‘all mankind is your neighbor’ metaphor, before reverting to that customary petulance that is much beloved.

However, due to a recent trip to the coast (in which she overstayed her welcome) Sister Madly was obliged to celebrate this sacred holiday a few days late- and in daylight. Although her impeccable stealth guaranteed the ceremonial Leaving-of-the-Zucchini went off without a hitch, Sister Madly was unable to bask in the satisfaction of a job well-done as there just happened to be a crucial witness bumbling down the street:

Google.

Sister Madly knew these sort of things happened, but they happen to other people: desperadoes busted for their negligence, for flinging their DNA over murder scenes willy-nilly while the BBC watches from a nearby Pringle can. Moppets are much less sloppy, crushing all Pringle cans before embarking upon a murder most foul; but Google does not heed the way of the Moppet, choosing rather to defiantly photograph humanity without so much as a how-do-you-do, and this peeves Sister Madly.

Now it’s well-known amongst the local demimonde that it’s best to ‘do away’ with a witness rather than allow said witness the liberty to resort to extortion- blackmailers, you see, can never be bought; one can only hope to even the score. So Sister Madly engaged the intrepid Itty Bitty*- her trusty accomplice, lookout, and sleepy-eyed assassin- to properly attend to the matter.

* A handsome Smart Car.

And so it came to pass that she and Itty Bitty embarked upon a mission to silence Google, dodging speed bumps and toddlers lurking in the fray until foiled by a family of ducks crossing against the light, behind which the Duo watched Google peter off into the summer haze with a nonchalance that bordered upon the sinister. Yes, Sister Madly is an extremely ineffective do-away-with-er.

But not all hope was lost; due to its inability to mind its own business, it is possible that Google witnessed the heist of her fire escape, and for that Sister Madly would pay a pretty penny- or at least, a very shiny one. Google would be coughing up the info in no time; Sister Madly can be a sadistic interrogator, you know.

Then again-

PAMBAZOS

1 regular or sweet potato, peeled, cubed, and cooked
1 lb chorizo, casings removed and crumbled
1 onion, chopped
Salt/Pepper, to taste
Red enchilada sauce, homemade or store-bought
Brioche/Kaiser rolls, or similar
Oil
To Serve: sour cream, guacamole, queso fresco, lettuce

FILLING
Cook chorizo in skillet; approx 5-7 min
Add onion, cook until softened
Add potatoes; mix, crushing slightly

ROLLS
Heat oil in clean skillet
Dip outside of rolls in enchilada sauce until well-coated
Pan-fry rolls in skillet, coated side down, until browned
Add filling and desired toppings
Serve immediately

THEME SONG: The Last of the Secret Agents, Nancy Sinatra

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11 responses

  1. mmmmm

    Quite the adventure Ms Moppet. Sometimes you just have to acquiesce to the words of others and this is what I think that other just might say, “Outed by Google?!”.

    Tis a good looking car. A pretty penny, get a Canadian one, if you can find one that is.

    Liked by 1 person

    September 3, 2017 at 7:46 AM

    • Indeed, that is just what that Other might say- and might I add, it is so unfair that one’s Zucchini Leaving Stealth Reputation lies at the mercy of Google Street View.

      I think I have a few Canadian pennies, which does me no good since I can’t use them anywhere- except Michigan. They are rather lenient with all sorts of Canadians for some reason.

      Liked by 1 person

      September 3, 2017 at 11:35 AM

      • Perhaps sending Google a Zucchini with a warning?

        We don’t even use the physical penny anymore so you can’t even use it here. We welcome Michagonians, mostly.

        Liked by 1 person

        September 3, 2017 at 11:45 AM

  2. I am frantically checking Google Maps for your transgressions…but alas nothing has come up.. then again if you are truly blurred (besides not known what you look like anyways)

    Then I will know for sure either way… Darn…Google really needs to help me out and just put name floaties above everyone’s heads

    Cmon!

    PS and yes we Michigan residents will take your maple leaf pennies…but it irks me greatly when I have only Canadian quarters and want something from a vending machine 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    September 4, 2017 at 7:56 AM

    • That’s because Itty Bitty, my muscle car, is a most intimidating associate!

      That, or Google hasn’t updated the info yet.

      The worst thing about those quarters was when I’d get a roll from the bank, and the 2 quarters on either end of the roll were American, but the rest were Canadian (I can’t get too upset, however, because I admire that sort of moxie.)

      Liked by 1 person

      September 4, 2017 at 10:51 AM

      • Does your Ittty Bitty rival this car?

        Runs on Canadian Quarters by the way 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        September 5, 2017 at 6:59 AM

        • Well, no, not as intimidating as a Pink car, but still rather fearsome for his particular shade of blue!

          Liked by 1 person

          September 5, 2017 at 11:17 AM

  3. locksley2010

    Well done, Moppet, sounds like you got away with it! I have never heard of this tradition with Zucchini’s…. Might have to begin the British version…..

    Liked by 1 person

    September 5, 2017 at 11:39 AM

    • Would the British version use a zucchini, or some other terrifying delicacy?

      Like

      September 5, 2017 at 2:00 PM

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