Chip Shop Curry Sauce ~ The Thyme Lord

Folk Songs have a lot to answer for. ~ Terry Pratchett

Earlier at the Faire, Sister Madly was Romancing the Stone: a quest where one picks a numbered stone* in hopes of connecting with their True Love -only now, thanks to her friends, her Token to True Love had been switched out for a pair of Mystery-Flavored Dum Dums.

* #88, although she could have been reading that upside down.

Amongst the reasons given for this heartless kleptomania was the logic that, in Arthurian legends, all heroes fight epic battles for love.* “Romance wasn’t so easy in those days, Sister Madly; the sooner you retrieve your rock from the Dodo, the sooner you can find your True Love and bask in the satisfaction of a job well-done. ”

* No doubt Karma had a hand in this as well. 

That is how Sister Madly found herself down at the Living History Camp casing the Dodo’s pavilion, one so dismal and so depressing that even the flies were on Zoloft.

After a lengthy self-interrogation, Sister Madly decided that there was no need to bother the Dodo with her petty relationship issues (even though he was the reason she was having said issues.) It would be so much kinder to just creep around the back and crawl under the canvas- indeed, Sister Madly can be so considerate, sometimes (take that, Karma!)

But the man* she encountered inside was not the Dodo.

* Well, not a man so much as a shrubbery.

Some would say that by not parading into the pavilion through the front entrance she revealed herself as an intruder, but Sister Madly remained ever optimistic. Sure, she lacked certain qualities inherent in all homegrown plague doctors- such as the creepy bird mask and absolutely any knowledge of the Plague whatsoever- but unrealistic confidence is 80% of the battle: if she believes that she is part of the Guild, everyone else will believe it as well. Or at least 80% will.

Drop that Plague and turn around slowly!

By the look on his face, this shrubbery was one of the 20%. Perhaps Sister Madly underestimated that whole ‘enter a residence through the front door’ thing; she made a mental note to try it sometime.

Despite his disbelief, the Shrubbery insisted that he wasn’t looking to steal the Plague, but to be cured of it.

Sir, that is how she cures the Plague!

He remained unconvinced. “You’re making that up.”

Well, yes, but making a point in the process. As Confucius once said, Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated…

…and what’s that smell? Is that basil?

The Shrub was horribly offended. “Thyme.”

So, you’re a Thyme Lord.

The Shrubbery was just as skeptical. Apparently, a Plague-Ridding Professional had absolutely no business dressing as a medieval-highwayman-gypsy-thief thing with a wee bit of pirate sprinkled in- absolutely none.

What? It’s casual Saturday!

Clearly she would lose her plausibility as a card-carrying member of the Plague-Ridding Profession if she didn‘t figure out a way to cure this Thyme Lord in a manner that he found acceptable. He seemed very picky.

Well, sir, did you ever just consider not dying?

The Thyme Lord found her method lacking, going so far as to imply that there would be a special place in purgatory for impersonating the avian Florence Nightingale.

Impersonating? Does she look anything like Slender Bird?

“No. That’s the point.”

Precisely. If she doesn’t look like the Dodo in a Black Dress, then she cannot be accused of impersonation. Besides, you’re one to talk, being dressed as a Thyme Lord and all.

Now, there are times when logic fails our dear Moppet. Had Sister Madly entered the pavilion through the front door like a civilized burglar, she would have noticed several Shrubberies enjoying a pint just outside the entrance.

“That’s Parsley. And Sage. Rosemary…”

That’s right, Sister Madly: the shrubbery you encountered during your burglary attempt was not a Thyme Lord, but a key ingredient of Simon and Garfunkal’s spice rack.

It was then that she realized just how serious the situation was: the Plague that needed to be cured here was the horrific Plague of Unforgivable Puns.*

* If any of you point out that ‘Thyme Lord’ is, itself, a pun, Sister Madly will be very unhappy with you.

And so Sister Madly handed him a fistful of Dum Dums.

“What am I suppose to do with these?”

Well, first you unwrap the Dum Dum, then you stick it in your mouth. That’s where things get a bit technical…

… or she can axe off your leg, if you’d like.

CHIP CURRY SAUCE

• 2”- 3” ginger root, minced
• 1/2 green apple, minced
• 1 sm onion, minced
• 1-2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1½ tsp curry powder
• 1/4 tsp garam masala
• 1/4 tsp Chinese 5 Spice
• 1½- 3 cups vegetable stock
• salt/pepper, to taste
• Oil, for sauteing

Saute onion, ginger, garlic, and apple in hot oil until soft; 5-10 min
Add curry, garam masala, salt/pepper, and 5 spice; saute 30 sec
Add stock; bring to a boil
Reduce heat; simmer; 15 min
Puree sauce to desired smoothness
If too thick, stir in additional stock and simmer to set flavors

THEME SONG: Scarborough Faire, My Dying Bride

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Images:

1.) Christopher Lovell
5.) Tumblr

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