‘City’ Chicken Skewers ~ The Order of the Cougar and Dutch Baby

When the Professor announced that she was invited to a ‘Cougar and Dutch Baby’ party, Sister Madly concluded that she was being considered for membership to a secret society, and was suitably intrigued.

There was another outsider invited to this gathering of PhD elite: no doubt Josephine was recruited to join the ranks of Cougar which, despite her affinity for leopard print, seemed far-fetched as her boyfriend was only a few months younger than herself. Sister Madly, naturally, was chosen for the Dutch Baby not just for her age, but for the way she cheerfully embraces all the joys of infantile behavior at the expense of others.

However, there was just one flaw: Sister Madly is not Dutch.

Now this should have been fairly obvious, as Sister Madly lacks characteristics common of those who proudly claim a Dutch heritage, such as a passion for Gouda (she is fond of Gouda, but not passionately so) the ability to pronounce Eekhoorntjesbrood without bursting into tears, or deciding to be tall.*

* As Holland is such a small country, the only choice is to be tall- otherwise they would crowd themselves into Belgium.

Still, it’s nice to be included.

But a shadow soon fell over that festive gathering when Josephine produced a package of peculiar purple meat.

“It’s cougar, Sister Madly. It’s the main course.”

Wait- does this mean that Sister Madly was suppose to supply the Dutch Baby? Where was she suppose to dig up one of those without suspicion? It’s not like one finds curly-haired tots growing wild on the side of the road, and she can’t just pop over to Holland on a whim. And since Sister Madly failed on this mission- no doubt, the initiation- does that mean she is to substitute?

Now before you do anything foolish, Sister Madly, let’s think this over: as this society’s name ends with ‘Dutch Baby,’ your sacrifice will most likely be later in the evening, which leaves you with a few hours to plan a spectacular escape…

But this was interrupted when she found herself subjected to that diabolical apparatus known as the ‘Smart Phone’ (a misnomer, no doubt) when the Professor requested that she find the nutritional info on cougar.

Instead, she ended up with the info for Twinkies, which irritated the Professor despite it being well-known that Sister Madly is terribly inept in using Smart Phones. Cougar can’t be much worse than Twinkies, after all.

But since you are so concerned with nutrition, Professor, she must warn you that Sister Madlys are not FDA approved, and come with a Surgeon General’s Warning stating that they are bio-hazardous, processed in a plant that contains gluten, and highly-venomous.

Despite the nutritional uncertainty of cougar meat, the Professors decided to risk it all by preparing a delicacy worthy of any red-blooded, PhD barbarian: Schnitzel.

Throughout the meal Sister Madly should have been planning her escape; rather, she spent the time wondering if the Cougar would have thought twice about eating the alpaca had he known he would end up a Schnitzel. That’s got to be a severe blow to one’s pride…

..and you missed your chance, Sister Madly. Everyone is finished with the cougar, and seem to be eyeing you with famished glee.

Is this the part where you sacrifice the baby, Professor? Do remember that Sister Madly is not Dutch.

The incredulous silence was soon broken by an explanation on how Josephine, who raises alpacas and flocks of terrifying little children, had a few days prior found the fence behind her farm destroyed and one of the alpacas missing.

Well, most of the alpaca…

Typically, when cougar is spotted in a populated district, it is trapped and moved to a wilderness area- unless it proves to be aggressive or has harmed a person or domesticated/farm animal, in which case it is put down. Finding the beast responsible for this attack was relatively simple as it returned to the farm for second breakfast, became most displeased to find it unavailable, and attempted to take out this displeasure on Animal Control.

How convenient for Josephine. But what about the Dutch Baby? It’s not like infants are conveniently breaking into Sister Madly’s apartment and killing her dust bunnies; she simply does not have that luxury.

“It’s a pancake, Sister Madly. It’s baked in an oven in a cast-iron skillet.”

…with babies?

“No, with cinnamon.”

Well, that’s alright then.

CITY CHICKEN SKEWERS

  • 1 cup Panko or pork rinds, crushed
  • 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 lb. ground pork
  • 1 lb. ground veal
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp sage
  • 1/2 tsp marjoram
  • 1/4 tsp pepper
  • bamboo skewers, soaked in cold water for min. 30 minutes

Preheat oven to 350*
Combine pork, veal, Worcestershire, garlic, sage, marjoram, salt & pepper
Mix Panko/pork rinds with smoked paprika
Form meat into kebabs
Coat kebab in egg, then crumbs
Skewer kebabs
Place on tray and bake for 25-30 min, or until cooked through*

* Try not to overcook kebabs. It will only make you depressed.

THEME SONG: Nobody’s Baby Now, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

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28 responses

  1. The flagship Yankee Candle store is a short distance from my home town. They now have competition. The original owner of Yankee Candle was bought out years ago. Recently he helped his son start another candle company. Kringle Candle.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 7, 2017 at 6:23 AM

    • So, he’s now in competition with the company he started? Frustrating! It’s kind of like being at war with yourself.

      Like

      May 7, 2017 at 10:40 AM

      • There’s much to explain..and I’d bore most. In short, it’s a good thing. In my opinion. The old company became huge and started to treat employees badly.

        Liked by 1 person

        May 7, 2017 at 11:52 AM

  2. 1st Point of information: The PHD has a different kind of cougar affection…..

    2nd Point of information: Cougars is akin to Bears in that you shouldn’t be poking them!

    3rd Point of information: Cougars is akin to Bears in that they will make you scream.

    Can’t help you with the babies or the dutch oven. If you require further information on the PHD and the Cougar, I’m happy to oblige.

    As always Ms Madly, at your service.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 7, 2017 at 9:44 AM

    • Do bears make people scream? I just thought they wander into your campsite and politely steal your picnic basket.

      You know, “Cougar” just might give a whole new meaning to the term “crazy cat lady…”

      Liked by 2 people

      May 7, 2017 at 11:02 AM

      • Bears have been known to make people scream. What is this politely thing?

        Especially Crazy Cat Lady Cougars named……. uh huh, didn’t need a PHD or be Fellini to figure that out did you!

        Liked by 1 person

        May 7, 2017 at 11:33 AM

        • ‘Polite’ as in, ‘stealing the picnic basket and not the cider.’

          Did not need a PhD, no. But I did need a few minutes to wake up and think it over- which from what I’ve seen of PhD’s, amounts to the same thing.

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 12:07 PM

        • Bears is more practical, they eat the cider filled people.

          PHD….. philosophy honed dysfunction?

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 12:20 PM

        • Practical, indeed…

          Wait- if I eat only animals that eat vegetables, does that make me a vegetarian by proxy?

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 12:27 PM

        • That which we manifest is before us. If you care to be a green leafy thingy, you are.

          I checked with alternative source and this was the response….

          Call any vegetable
          And the chances are good
          Ooooh! The vegetable
          Will respond to you

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 12:49 PM

        • The last thing I need is for the vegetables to start talking to me (although it is good to know that I did not imagine the rutabaga’s lengthy dissertation on ‘The Decline of Polka Bands in the 21st Century.’)

          And I do not care to be a green leafy thing, for the record.

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 1:01 PM

        • Alas the Polka Genre suffered a terrible set back prior to the turn of the century and may never recucumber.

          Funny as in strange you mention, “Rutabaga”, maybe.

          Same source…
          RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA
          RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA RUTA-BAY-AY-AYGA
          RUTA-BAYYYYY . . .

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 1:08 PM

        • Not very strange, as every Sunday I spend a few moments wondering if a rutabaga replaced my real poncho with a Sears poncho.

          I suppose other people call this meditation, but then, they use umbrellas.

          Liked by 1 person

          May 7, 2017 at 1:38 PM

  3. ‘appen where ah come from, that’d be a Yorkshire pudden.

    And I’ve met a few cougars in my time – most educational, and great fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 8, 2017 at 12:28 AM

    • If only they called it Yorkshire pudding from the beginning, I wouldn’t have spent the evening thinking that I have been recruited by a clandestine cannibal cult.

      Like

      May 8, 2017 at 11:11 AM

  4. Pingback: City Chicken Skewers ~ The Order of the Cougar and Dutch Baby | writers write

  5. Greetings and Salutations Sister Madly,

    I’ve been away for some time and had forgotten how much fun your adventures are. Stay the course and keep a sharp eye out for rabid Dum dums.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 8, 2017 at 7:32 AM

    • Hey there, stranger! Always good to hear from you. ;c) Hope you’ve been having adventures of your own.

      I keep a can of Dum Dum repellent within reach at all times- it is invisible, some might even say imaginary. But it’s always nearby nonetheless.

      Like

      May 8, 2017 at 11:07 AM

  6. Definitely don’t be poking Bears.
    Screaming is entirely at your own indiscretion – Bears won’t require it, or even suggest it. And for a sensitive sylvan, it’s a bit OTT.

    Don’t think I’ve ever eaten a cider marinaded human… would have remembered that, probably. Pig with apples is great. I’ll do that again.

    Now honey, that’s a different story. Come near me dipped in honey, and frankly I won’t be held responsible.

    Think I mentioned previously about Bears being polite… to other Bears. Sometimes to humans (bear friendly humans), and usually to cougars (who tend to keep their distance anyhow.) Not fussed for baskets though – you can keep the basket… what remains of it.

    So if you go down to the woods today, better keep a good paws distance from any pork and apple dishes. You can keep the cider. You can keep the Dutch Baby too.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 9, 2017 at 6:32 PM

    • Now, I do have to wonder about those pigs, always dying in the midst of eating an apple.

      I also do wonder how I or any human would end up wandering about the woods dipped in honey… I don’t wonder too deeply, you understand, in hopes of keeping a pure and innocent mind…

      Like

      May 9, 2017 at 8:32 PM

  7. I don’t know how to act my age, I’ve never been this age before….so using this!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 15, 2017 at 1:31 PM

  8. Outstanding post! I love the appearance of your blog. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    May 17, 2017 at 6:13 AM

  9. Elsewhere I have read of “feral” Sister Madleys. I do hope the practice of trapping and removing to a wilderness area would not include such a one.

    Liked by 1 person

    June 4, 2017 at 3:32 PM

    • Feral Madly’s, being relatively anti-social creatures, thrive in wilderness* areas. Should you come across one in your neighborhood, trapping and moving the creature to a densely-populated area of extremely chatty individuals with boundary issues is not advisable (they become extremely passive-aggressive.) Let them wander, and they’ll probably leave you alone. Probably.

      * Provided that wilderness area has shelter, heat, plumbing, a market nearby, and access to music.

      Liked by 1 person

      June 4, 2017 at 4:50 PM

      • Ok. This is very good to know. I have seen once in an urban wilderness area an attractive – though shy – creature foraging behind a Starbuck’s. I now know that this might have been a feral Madley sighting. I always learn so much when I come over here.

        Liked by 1 person

        June 5, 2017 at 7:40 AM

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