Cult of Personality

IMDB.

The Professor wasn’t buying it.

“That’s the Internet Movie DataBase.”

Well Sister Madly, it seems you’ve been outed. When one risks a lie without first checking its credibility, there is always a chance that some potato-toting PhD will call your bluff.

catan-pizza

Over time, Sister Madly has seen the pub crowd immerse themselves in a variety of crazes- the worst of these being the Settlers of Catan, a game which allows the common man to dabble in the cutthroat world of land re-zoning and development. Seriously, Catan Fandom is terrifying; people have made pizzas based on that game.

But second only to the Catan Fandom is the Cult of Personality.

cthulhu-cultist

It began a several years ago, when the Professor returned from the holy land* bearing more than the usual gifts of unsolicited advice and potatoes. It appears that, while searching for whatever it is one searches for on the internet late at night, the Professor had uncovered the divinely inspired texts of something called MBTI, and was an instant convert.

* Idaho.

Now there are many lovely individuals who dabble in this MBTI without it inhibiting their ability to function in their everyday lives. The Cult of Personality, however, won’t even poach an egg without telling you precisely:

  • how their type will do so
  • whether or not their type will feel remorse for the egg
  • whether or not their type will feel remorse for the chicken that laid said egg
  • whether or not their type will struggle with the ethics of eating the egg they heartlessly stole from the chicken
  • whether or not their type with convert to veganism as a result

MBTI, after all, advocates life-changing self-awareness and self-knowledge.

delicious-soul

Unfortunately, the Cult seems far less interested in understanding their behavior than they are in justifying it. They behave a certain way because quite frankly, MBTI says that they do, rendering them absolutely powerless to do anything about it. Oh, pooh.

“It provides the framework not only to understand others, but to understand yourself and why you do things the way you do…”

A noble sentiment, O’ Beholder of a PhD, but Sister Madly would rather pursue the answers to the important questions of life, such as the origins of the universe, or who let the dogs out. Besides, she already understands what lies behind her increasingly anti-social behavior. For example: she put Sriracha in your whiskey because you annoyed her. Sister Madly is really not that complicated.

phone

Now one doesn’t simply convert to the Cult through proselytizing alone; one has to take a test, which can now be done anytime and anywhere due to the cheeky invention known as the Smart Phone. The fella who invented that has a lot to answer for, should he and Sister Madly ever meet.

Not only is it common knowledge that Sister Madly doesn’t have a Smart Phone, there are legends surrounding just how remarkably inept she is in using one, the most recent of these being how Sister Madly set a GPS, only to have it lead them all to an abandoned silo off an old logging road. And that’s the cheerful part of the story.

So it came to pass the other night that Sister Madly found herself- most unwillingly- at the pub, with an MBTI test on the Professor’s phone and specific instructions not to leave the bar until she had a result.

After nearly an hour of swiping screens, pushing nonexistent buttons, accidentally taking pictures of her thumb and displaying a vast array of colorful vocabulary, she had that result:

Nyarlathotep.

nyarlathotep_by_erkanerturk-d4h5bgg

Now Sister Madly knows what you’re all thinking: that’s 8 letters too many. And you’d be correct, except that Sister Madly didn’t take a traditional MBTI test; she took one entitled Which Cthulhu Mythos Deity Are You? and was rather pleased with the result.

At once the Professor was expressing doubts over the validity of this test. MBTI was all about cognitive functions, such as thinking vs. feeling-

Well, so was her Mythos Test, O Bringer of Potatoes. Sister Madly was asked if she preferred to control the masses by driving them mad, or simply by eating them*- and you know how Sister Madly favors madness. In fact, judging by the steam wafting from your ears, Sister Madly is clearly driving you insane at this very moment.

* It is worth mentioning that, had Sister Madly been hungry at the time, she would have preferred eating the masses, rather than driving them mad.

Great Old One

True, Sister Madly managed to venture away from the Professor’s MBTI test, and quite deliberately (she’s remarkably stubborn as well) but that doesn’t mean the Mythos result was inaccurate; far from it.

Allow Sister Madly to explain:

NYARLATHOTEP is a Shape-Shifter.

SHAPE-SHIFTERS take on many different personas.

IMDB is a Database of Actors.

ACTORS take on many different personas.

figure-it-out

Therefore: NYARLATHOTEP = IMDB

Now, since all personas fall into one of the 1,636.72* different personality types outlined by MBTI, and since IMDB is a database of actors who either have or portray those personality types, Sister Madly’s original assessment of IMDB- and, consequently, Nyarlathotep- is both accurate and correct.

* Number approximate.

And if that doesn’t suffice, Professor, there are other 4-letter words in her arsenal…

THEME SONG: Cult of Personality, Living Colour

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34 responses

  1. Ha! Yes, indeed, the cult of personality. Not long ago I took a quiz asking what kind of potato chip are you? Sea salt and vinegar, with ridges, for those who care. I’ve been doing my best to live up to those standards ever since.

    Liked by 2 people

    February 12, 2017 at 5:22 AM

    • I just might have to find that quiz…

      Sea salt and vinegar is admirable, but with ridges? Now, THAT is classy!

      Liked by 2 people

      February 12, 2017 at 11:52 AM

  2. Hello again Ms Madly.

    Are the indoctrination set aware that one of those 4 letter words you know and can manifest is, “Bear”? By the by, Winnie did ask what you desire of him.

    As a point of information, the holy land is Indiana not Idaho. I can see where there might be some confusion or outright disregard by the PHD set. The “D” standing for delusional.

    The image noting the Great Old One looks remarkably like another from the 100 billion acre cosmic wood, “Owl”.

    In the event you’re unable to manifest an, “Old One” or a “Bear” to help you out, there is always putting the PHD in a Rocket.

    As always Milady, IDWIC.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 12, 2017 at 6:46 AM

    • You’re not the only one to mention this place called Indiana…

      ‘Bear’ is definitely one of the four letters in my arsenal, and will always be called upon long before an Old One. At least with summoning a Bear, the damage is localized; summoning an Old One spells out the end of humanity, which will many people very cross.

      Liked by 1 person

      February 12, 2017 at 12:09 PM

      • Humanity exists? Where? I’m going to have to insist on working models.

        Should you go manifesting up a Bear please, please remember, “Bear, Scat” and “Bear Scat” are different things and watch where you step!

        If you’re going to provide the bear a picnic….. sheesh

        Indiana, I was as surprised as anyone!

        Liked by 1 person

        February 12, 2017 at 12:38 PM

        • There are no ‘working’ models. They are in the shop for repairs.

          And I am definitely going to summon a scatting bear…

          Liked by 1 person

          February 12, 2017 at 12:50 PM

        • Sounds like it’s going to be quite the Boo Boo. I trust there will be news reports?

          Liked by 1 person

          February 12, 2017 at 1:38 PM

        • Not if there are no witnesses left.

          Liked by 1 person

          February 12, 2017 at 2:10 PM

        • What’s a witness? 😉

          Liked by 2 people

          February 12, 2017 at 2:14 PM

        • A fancy way of saying ‘appetizer.’

          Liked by 2 people

          February 12, 2017 at 2:19 PM

  3. And here’s me thinking the Holy Land was Indiana… I must have read a different book. I certainly haven’t played Catan, and am unlikely to do so unless they bring out a solitaire version. Or maybe it’s just my personality type: OWTF – inclined to do what I feel is appropriate even though there will surely be consequences. (slightly more tolerant than my daughter, who came out with WTAF… and I can see why)

    Liked by 1 person

    February 12, 2017 at 10:23 AM

    • I’m quite curious now- in what religion is Indiana holy? It snows there- hardly the weather of paradise.

      Now I can identify with OWTF. Perhaps if we gather enough of those types, we can defeat the Cult and move the holy land to someplace worthy, like Tahiti, or wherever they produce large amounts of quality cider (Catan will be banned in Paradise.)

      Liked by 1 person

      February 12, 2017 at 12:28 PM

  4. Did you summon a Bear?
    I am here.
    I am often here… just very quiet…
    As for Indiana… no religion, only a reluctant messiah. Well worth your attention.
    Bear, scat? Won’t work. Bear scat? In the woods, naturally.
    Ok, that’s more words than I’m used to.
    I’ll be around.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 12, 2017 at 4:22 PM

  5. I only ever took one internet quiz, it was supposed to tell you what psychological disorder you suffered from. It told me it was misanthropy… I decided I wasn’t suffering from it.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 12, 2017 at 6:51 PM

    • Misanthropy is a psychological disorder? Seems to me that humanity manages to bring that upon themselves.

      And you’re right- I don’t think it’s the misanthrope that ‘suffers.’

      Like

      February 12, 2017 at 8:16 PM

  6. As one whose day job sometimes involves copying class materials for MBTI assessments, I love this beyond words (and acronyms). I am also now diabolically inspired to adapt that much more useful test you took into something paper-based (smart phones!! pfah!!) which I can slip into the next class… I consider it a public service; one really ought to know one’s darkest self properly before the Old Ones return.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 13, 2017 at 9:39 AM

    • You might be on the verge of revolutionizing the entire system! We’ve dabbled with this ‘shadow’ stuff for far too long; it is now time to find our inner Old One (which tends to be both cranky and hungry when first introduced to the world, so keep a cookie nearby.)

      And yes, it must definitely be paper-based; smart phones are not tentacle-friendly.

      Liked by 1 person

      February 13, 2017 at 4:34 PM

  7. I would have eaten the masses, with many condiments. I love condiments.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 13, 2017 at 11:39 AM

  8. As always your logic is unassailable. And the masses don’t taste like chicken as it turns out. They’re more like poorly fed pork. Some taste like Doritos. Or so I’ve heard.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 13, 2017 at 10:02 PM

    • Sounds like the masses would make a delightful tamale filling- finely shredded and well marinated, of course.

      And no doubt, you came upon your info in a purely academic manner…

      Liked by 1 person

      February 14, 2017 at 10:44 AM

      • Absolutely. Apparently you’re not supposed to eat the people who annoy you. You’re supposed to throw lemons at them. I just learned this. I’ve always just squeezed the lemons on them before…well…

        Liked by 3 people

        February 14, 2017 at 12:23 PM

        • Well, we’re also not suppose to eat raw brownie batter, but we all know how THAT goes…

          Liked by 3 people

          February 14, 2017 at 3:03 PM

        • Exactly.

          Liked by 3 people

          February 14, 2017 at 9:07 PM

  9. locksley2010

    As an actor, I concur.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 13, 2017 at 11:38 PM

    • I am most grateful to have an expert backing my statement. Nyarlathotep will drive you mad last.

      Liked by 3 people

      February 14, 2017 at 10:45 AM

      • locksley2010

        You mean it hasn’t already?

        Liked by 3 people

        February 14, 2017 at 3:18 PM

        • What is madness to the mad, but sanity? Long, horrible intervals of sanity…

          Liked by 3 people

          February 14, 2017 at 3:44 PM

        • locksley2010

          They say the fool is the one who is mad, yet it is the fool who sees the madness of the mundane. 😉

          Liked by 3 people

          February 14, 2017 at 4:17 PM

        • That’s something A Wise Fool would say.

          Liked by 3 people

          February 14, 2017 at 4:30 PM

  10. i shoulda been a professor, i woulda mastered spanish 101 but, well, i coulda, i swear, i coulda woulda shoulda…

    Liked by 3 people

    February 16, 2017 at 6:08 PM

    • But are you not happier having not done so? The world is now your oyster!

      (Then again, a PhD in ‘What’s That Noise Coming From the Refrigerator’ is much more productive than a passing grade in Spanish 101… at least, in my immediate situation…)

      Liked by 2 people

      February 16, 2017 at 6:43 PM

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