Indigo Children

She thought she was safe that night, when she slipped past a group of protesters into the pub. However, it was here where the real danger was percolating: once again, Sister Madly found herself facing the Happy Phlebotomist.

meet-again-2

Through no fault of her own, Sister Madly found out that much has happened in the life of this cheerful mosquito since their last encounter, including co-authoring a vegan cookbook (which, incidentally, no one has ever seen) as well as making a batch of vintage wine- which should be ready “by the end of the year.”

Sister Madly, however, maintained a healthy level of skepticism. One just can’t call it a ‘vintage’ wine if it hasn’t been made yet; that’s like calling milk ‘butter’ when it’s still inside the cow. Life just doesn’t work that way, no matter how much one prays.

fixed-sink

But the Happy Phlebotomist was quick to point out that wine-making was merely his passion, perhaps something for retirement. In the mean time, he gets by through a lovely regime of Spinning, Zumba, and Hot Yoga, through promoting a line of ‘natural’ supplements, and through phlebotomizing unsuspecting souls.

Now don‘t get her wrong- Sister Madly has nothing against a vegan lifestyle, nor the Spinning/Zumba/Hot Yoga Combo Plate that the Happy Phlebotomist now champions; it’s just that Sister Madly finds no joy in feasting on topsoil or twisting herself into a well-cooked pretzel. Still, she has a hard time believing that anyone who habitually depletes the human race of life-sustaining fluids for a living is as humane as his routine leads one to believe.

lol-amer-cheese

As for the vitamin supplements, one has to be cautious around these products- after all, most of them are not FDA approved, unlike American Imitation Pasteurized Process Cheese Food, which is.

But that didn’t stop the Happy Phlebotomist, who achieved a freakish level of joy when he discussed the many uses of Colloidal Silver- surely even you, Sister Madly, would benefit from this miracle ‘cure-all.’

Sister Madly has to admit that she is not the spring chicken she was last week- why, just the other day, she managed to turn basic strength-training into a most spectacular pageant of twists, flails, and fancy footwork that any respectable jitterbug would envy, and has walked like a hunchback ever since. She also has a fair amount of illogical allergies, becomes exceedingly deranged when life withholds from her a decent amount of sleep, and when it comes to medieval weaponry, Sister Madly has all the self-control of a starving vulture over a zebra carcass.

silver

But while Sister Madly loves to wear silver, she admits that her enthusiasm stops short of drinking it.

“There are some who swear by it.”

Some may swear by it, Jolly Ol’ Blood Extractor, but Sister Madly is more curious about those who don’t. She wants to know what, exactly, she is getting into before she starts melting down her jewelry for breakfast.

Oh, there was a reason, all right, but he was suspiciously evasive about it: any natural remedy has its risks if not used properly, he said, such as stomach upset, headaches, or rendering certain medications ineffective…

“…and then there some people who have been known to turn blue – permanently – but I don’t think it’s something you need to worry about.”

smurf2

Hold it right there, Chipper: you are trying to pitch Sister Madly a miracle supplement whose potential side-effects include turning into a Smurf, and you don’t think that is something she should worry about?*

* A condition known as argyria, caused by prolonged exposure to chemical forms of silver, resulting in a blue or gray discoloration of the skin.

In an effort to reassure her, the Happy Phlebotomist explained that one could reduce the risk of this Technicolor discoloration by becoming nocturnal, as exposure to sunlight increases it. His pathological good cheer quickly escalated to psychotic levels when he realized all the delightful possibilities of promoting a substance that has adverse effects when exposed to the sun, such as creating a package deal consisting of Colloidal Silver and Vitamin D- the latter of which would be lacking in an individual avoiding the sun.

Yes, somewhere there is a world where that idea will work…

To tell you the truth, Sister Madly spends precious little time contemplating what life would be like if she were blue, but even then it didn‘t take her long to reach the conclusion that, if she woke up one morning the color of her recycling bin, she was be apocalyptically cross about it.

another-smurf

Then again, there is something appealing about having a choice of what color one turns after prolonged exposure to the sun. Mother Nature can be so thoughtful, the dear.

In the meantime, Sister Madly will be implementing her own health regimen by routinely disinfecting her insides through pints of lovely, local ciders.

THEME SONG: Mood Indigo, Duke Ellington

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24 responses

  1. Hello again Milady

    The theme song was a surprise. I was expecting, “By The Light Of The Silvery Moon”.

    I certainly do understand the perils of invoking Ma Nature and Luna together!

    I had a couple blue thoughts as I was enjoying your prose. While not a gentleman; I am a considerate and shall refrain from expressing those thoughts.

    As always, at your service.

    Liked by 1 person

    December 2, 2016 at 6:21 AM

    • I’ve never thought about invoking both Mother Nature and Luna at the same time! Does anything blue result from doing so?

      Am a bit curious about these ‘blue thoughts’…

      Liked by 1 person

      December 2, 2016 at 12:30 PM

      • It certainly can result in blue! Painful blue with black!

        Liked by 1 person

        December 2, 2016 at 12:50 PM

        • Sounds intriguing. Bring it on, ladies! No doubt my guardian angel is up to the challenge.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 2, 2016 at 1:02 PM

        • I’m certain your angel is. Both of them are wary of flying things, especially bats.

          Luna’s a romantic and Mom Nature isn’t. It just gets nasty from the bell though.

          Liked by 1 person

          December 2, 2016 at 1:13 PM

  2. You made me laugh so hard! What a great way to start the weekend!! Thanks SM! I could picture it all….happy weekend and if you don’t mind may I have a glass of wine from your tap!!😃

    Liked by 1 person

    December 2, 2016 at 7:11 AM

  3. Lol! Well said. You are a delight to read.

    I live in the land of smurfs, so I assure you the blue people are quite real. It is definitely a side effect of hitting the silver. It also distresses me no end because people are not supposed to turn an odd shade of blue gray. Like, that is unhealthy people, but trying to explain that is like whacking your head on brick wall, which is also unhealthy.

    Liked by 1 person

    December 2, 2016 at 7:40 AM

    • Aren’t people only suppose to turn that shade when they are dead? Does no one step back and say, “What in tarnation am I doing?”

      Liked by 1 person

      December 2, 2016 at 12:21 PM

  4. Ah yes, the health promoting benefits of natural fermentation… it it’s good enough for yak’s milk, it’s good enough for apples. Come Landlord fill the flowing bowl…
    As for vintage… surely all wine is vintage – that is after all what vintage means. At least what it meant when people understood the language they were speaking, so maybe a good vintage, ipso facto, renders itself meaningless after a few bottles. Maybe a wine with no vintage would be… homeopathic?
    Personally I have to say there’s nothing wrong with a blue sheen in sunlight – really brings out the elegance of a well formed wing, as many a poet has pointed out.
    Live long and prosper. I certainly intend to, now that the ground has stopped shaking so much.

    Liked by 1 person

    December 2, 2016 at 11:16 AM

    • I get the feeling that, in that fellow’s opinion, the year on a wine bottle is its expiration date.

      Does a raven notice the shaking of the ground?

      Like

      December 2, 2016 at 12:13 PM

      • We notice everything. Besides, have you ever figured how fast the top of a 100 foot pine tree moves when the roots are trying to keep up with a 7.8 quake? Think of a fisherman casting, and a certain Raven as the lure.
        Now that might be considered quite exhilarating, and I could be tempted to set a new personal launch record… but not at midnight – I’m not an owl.
        As for the coastal cliff dwellers… suddenly found themselves sharing the beach with a bunch of scared and angry seals. A rude awakening for both, and seals are BIG.
        Still, my sympathy lies with the Paua, who suddenly found themselves well above the tide line, with neither wings, flippers nor legs with which to return to safety. That was a real short cut to the squishy end of the food chain. As the local saying goes, “Tide’s out, table’s set.”

        Liked by 2 people

        December 2, 2016 at 2:09 PM

  5. That gave me a good chuckle. Thank you Sister Madly, you really ought to try script writing for a television show or movie. You often make me laugh out loud. Thanks! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    December 2, 2016 at 12:36 PM

    • High praise, indeed. I do appreciate it- thank you! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      December 2, 2016 at 1:01 PM

      • Your sarcastic, but always humorous, writing reminds me a bit of Lorelai on the Gilmore Girls. Not sure if you know the show, but since that happens to be one of the more popular shows in the US, I think your writing in as a script writer would go over very well. 🙂 I’m not good at humor, so I recognize the talent when I see it. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        December 2, 2016 at 1:51 PM

  6. I enjoyed this romp muchly. Thank you for writing it.

    Liked by 1 person

    December 3, 2016 at 8:37 AM

    • Thank you for reading. I always appreciate those who stop by! ;c)

      Like

      December 3, 2016 at 10:10 AM

  7. The idea of turning any shade of blue/grey should prevent sane people from imbibing this questionable “cure all.” I recently saw a commercial for a television show involving a zombie apocalypse and an unfortunate fellow who seems to be some sort of human/zombie hybrid and he’s that color. I can only assume the blood-sucker is planning on starting his own race of half human, flesh eating creatures who glow a little like cheap gift wrapping paper.

    Liked by 2 people

    December 5, 2016 at 12:55 PM

    • Maybe that’s the REAL side effect: it turns you into a zombie.

      Just once, I want to find a medication whose side effects include the “sudden ability to speak a foreign language”or “waking up with the most amazing singing voice.”

      Or invisibility at will…

      Liked by 1 person

      December 5, 2016 at 1:31 PM

      • I used to be a great singer if I were alone in the house but lately I’ve lost the ability to sound good even to myself. Invisibility would be nice.

        Liked by 1 person

        December 5, 2016 at 5:23 PM

  8. Rob

    A feast of linguistic pageantry. The tone is addicted, the prose ideal. Truly a wonderful experience for this poets weary mind

    Liked by 1 person

    December 14, 2016 at 3:03 PM

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