To Steal a Castle and a Gargoyle, Too

Imagine, if you will, the utter joy of waking up one morning to find that a White Castle Sign had blossomed in front of your house overnight.

It almost happened, you know.

white castle

Every now and then, Sister Madly has a birthday; and while some pass quietly into the void, others arrive at the insistence of certain friends and family members who wish to observe the day in the most average way possible, such as the time her Ex surprised her by taking her to the skeletal remains of the last White Castle in the state.*

Oh, how you spoil her!

*18th birthday. Possibly even 19th. But definitely not 20.

Surely here was a place of romance, with its crack pipes and graffitied walls; no doubt many a young couple met fate here in the form of the Zodiac Killer. A leisurely walk through the overgrown parking lot proved to be the highlight of the evening as it led them to where the White Castle Sign lay broken and abandoned amidst the prairie grass.

white castle classic

“And that, Sister Madly, is for you!”

This her Ex said proudly, as though he, himself, had hunted down the elusive White Castle Sign while on safari. Yes, this dedicated young man whom Sister Madly was dating, who stood victorious over that shattered carcass, was nothing more than a Big Game Fast Food poacher at heart.

“The Sign is your present! Happy Birthday!”

Surely her parents would find no fault with this! They were rational individuals after all, of logic and sound mind; that’s why the gargoyle was banished from the house.

gargoyle

See, this was not the first such gift from her Ex. Over Christmas, he presented her with a dismal little gargoyle, the sight of which brought about a fit of laughter from her mother upon encountering it the following morning. Things took a dark turn, however, when her mother decided that the little beast was straight from the devil- things had a habit of becoming evil once her mother had time to think it over. Oh, but Sister Madly could keep the gargoyle- she just couldn’t keep it in the house.

So the winged Yoda was banished to the outdoors, where he would reside under the porch (thus meeting her mother’s ‘out of sight’ requirement) for the next several years.*

*The gargoyle would make a lovely comeback later in life, in which he would be painted gold and used as a trophy for a Murder Mystery in a Box Game.

Her Ex sincerely apologized for having to bring Sister Madly to the White Castle Sign, instead of surprising her with it when he picked her up earlier that evening. In fact, the only reason her Ex did not bring the gift over to her house was that he could not come up with the means to transport such a large Sign at short notice.

zombie gnome

But what was more important to her Ex than the gifts themselves was the method with which they were obtained; he believed that the story and heroics therein made the gift all the more valuable. His original intention was to steal a gargoyle, but the gardens around town were mostly populated with gnomes and those critters scared him silly; now he was stealing for her a White Castle Sign.* Her Ex was certainly generous with things that did not belong to him.

*Sister Madly is aware that pointing to an object and declaring ‘Mine!’ isn’t technically stealing, not until said object is illegally removed. She does some understanding of the law.

joust segway

Now Sister Madly doesn’t mean to sound ungrateful- make no mistake, somewhere deep inside that psychotic little snickerdoodle was a sense of wonder at these shameless attempts of deluded grandeur. She sees no harm in re-gifting a present if you believe someone would truly enjoy the gift, but one does not typically re-gift someone else’s property.

But more importantly-

WHY WOULD SISTER MADLY WANT A WHITE CASTLE SIGN?!?!

“Because you like Medieval things.”

joust segway2

Okay… Sister Madly understands that Medieval history is not everyone’s pint of cider, thus not everyone is attuned to the finer nuances of the Era. However, just as one can’t put wings on Yoda and call him demonic, one can’t write the word ‘castle’ on a post-it note and call it Medieval poetry!

Yet, he was so proud…

And so Sister Madly declined the gift, saying there was no place at the house to put the Sign and her parents would outright murder her if she tried. But she did promise to visit the Sign whenever she got the chance, perhaps even pack it a lovely picnic lunch of Pop Rocks and Pixy Sticks.*

poprocks

*About 3 weeks later, her Ex informed her that someone had removed her White Castle Sign, which “wouldn’t have happened if you had taken it home.”
Amazingly, this relationship did not work out.

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51 responses

  1. To steal or not to steal?….The better question is , what would be the right thing to steal? A real gift would have been two tickets to England followed by trip to the local hardware store to buy two good sturdy shovels. Then on to find the oldest cemetery in all the land not guarded by hellhounds. Locate oldest burial plot and start to digging …preferably in the dead of the night…as you might attract the local passerby during the day.

    And then after much strenuous digging (don’t wear your best clothes to this birthday function) …your shovel hits that old pine box….or is it some other form of wood in England, I am not too sure..

    anyway, Voilà!

    You tear into said box and hopefully score a rich widow who chose to be buried in all her costly accoutrements. SCORE!

    Don’t feel bad for her…she won’t miss them….

    then high tail it out there lickity-split !

    Happy Birthday….!

    Yes its grave robbing. I do believe it was a very noble profession back in the day or so I have heard, I am not quite sure.

    PS You can not blame me if you are haunted by her ghost for the rest of your life until you return her stolen baubles back to her resting place… what were thinking digging up a body anyways!

    Liked by 1 person

    June 9, 2016 at 5:43 AM

    • See? YOU know how to do birthdays right!

      Except perhaps it should be a tomb in Egypt. I hear the curses that follows one robbing those graves are the stuff of legend, known to be passed down to future generations. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

      Liked by 1 person

      June 9, 2016 at 12:00 PM

      • Damn!…and I already bought the tickets for you to the UK….

        Liked by 1 person

        June 9, 2016 at 12:04 PM

        • Ok, we’ll start there! Might be best to start with the Lords and Ladies of England before tackling the pyramid of a Pharaoh.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 12:17 PM

  2. Sorry you lost your sign of the times and Beau Baroque Ms Madly. Maybe.

    Ah the joys of re-gifting! One time Luci went “Do something with this, errrrr I got you a present to welcome you to Hell errrrr Happy Birthday!”.

    I see you had your own welcoming to Hell. In to each life a little fire must fall. If you don’t believe me see; “Scarecrow, The”.

    In the spirit of your missive, Happy Birthday!

    If you look close you’ll see that your gift was indeed hunted down and then hung up! Please note that certain Ye Olde Village Magistrates have determined that you must remove your gift to thine own true home or face a fortnight in the stocks. Knowing this bunch, I’m certain when they say “the stocks” they mean Celery Stalks.

    Liked by 1 person

    June 9, 2016 at 7:06 AM

    • Now, Reginald is a true gargoyle, unlike the thing that resided under the porch for years. However, no doubt the folks would find an issue with Reginald hanging out in the backyard as well, albeit understandably.

      So, I’d have to spend 2 weeks in the vegetable crisper? Well, SOMEBODY’S vegetable crisper; there’s no celery in mine.

      And what did Luci re-gift you?

      Liked by 1 person

      June 9, 2016 at 11:55 AM

      • How could anyone have issue with Reginald? He’s quiet, a great sentinel and eats next to nothing.

        How bad could 2 weeks in a vegetable crisper be, cool dry and little kids never go near it.

        Luci re-gifted me Reginald. 😉

        I do hope the poor boy doesn’t develop a complex!

        Liked by 1 person

        June 9, 2016 at 12:21 PM

        • Little kids don’t go anywhere near my sock drawer either, and it’s comfy and warm!

          Who gifted Luci with Reginald?

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 12:31 PM

        • Little kids don’t go anywhere near my coffee which is comfy and warm and sometimes crisp.

          King Arthur gifted “Sir” Reginald to Luci for help with that Lancelot problem.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 12:34 PM

        • Do you often hang out in a cup of coffee?

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 12:38 PM

        • No no no, I hang out as a cup of coffee. Stealthy huh!

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 12:52 PM

        • I shall now live out my life suspicious of every cup of coffee I encounter.

          Sock drawer, here I come!

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 1:08 PM

        • Watch out for the Bears!

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 1:17 PM

        • Bear traps are set- cups of coffee EVERYWHERE!

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 1:33 PM

        • That doesn’t refer to the coffee!

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 1:53 PM

        • Coffee isn’t a good bear trap? They’ll still get into my sock drawer?

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 2:01 PM

        • Your sock drawer among other places, yes. Bears have developed an entitlement sense. Can you really blame the Bears after what that Goldilocks kid pulled?

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 2:07 PM

        • Goldilocks was clumsy. After all, I’ve broken into that lair many times without being caught. Besides, you can’t trust a girl who willingly eats porridge!

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 2:39 PM

        • GASP! You Simster Lady, say it aint so! I’m all cornfuzzled!

          And just what did you make off?

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 2:45 PM

        • Oh… nothing.

          I like to leave them lettuce and celery in their vegetable crisper.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 2:52 PM

        • Well okay then. Seeing as it’s you. Anyone else there’d be a systematic check of the Huney Pots.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 2:56 PM

        • So you won’t be checking the hunny pots then?

          I find this comforting.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 3:01 PM

        • Oh good! That saves a bear having to dip in and get a level. Rabbit holes, sock drawers, easy to get stuck in. The C in CTB doesn’t stand for Chubby and should not.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 9, 2016 at 3:13 PM

  3. Very funny. We had White Castle in Ohio where I went to school. Is it out of business?

    Liked by 1 person

    June 9, 2016 at 9:58 AM

    • Thank you!

      I think White Castle as a chain still exists…? Can’t say I’ve paid attention. All this happened quite a few years ago, but I can say that the one in the post no longer exists. It became a pawn shop.

      Liked by 1 person

      June 9, 2016 at 11:47 AM

  4. White Castle is still in IN and IL. What state would ever dare close a White Castle ? ??
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    June 9, 2016 at 7:00 PM

    • The State of Confusion!

      I doubt that it was the last White Castle in the state, just the last one in the state that we knew about. Young and foolish kids we were at the time. ;c)

      Like

      June 9, 2016 at 7:18 PM

  5. locksley2010

    Birthday Blessings aplenty!

    Liked by 1 person

    June 10, 2016 at 6:08 AM

  6. Happy Birthday SM!!

    Liked by 1 person

    June 10, 2016 at 6:54 AM

  7. SM has such interesting relationships. I get that they often somehow involve gargoyles, but I’m confused as to where socks come into the picture.

    Liked by 3 people

    June 10, 2016 at 5:33 PM

    • I, too, am confused as to where the socks come into play… alas, there they go, the beasts, merrily hopping off into the lovely sunset without even a whisper of ‘Farewell…’

      I don’t trust the socks. They develop holes without my consent…

      Liked by 2 people

      June 10, 2016 at 8:23 PM

      • They have long been considered “mysterious.” I myself long ago ended my association with them. It just wasn’t worth the grief. And I have been able to “re-purpose” my “sock drawer” so that now I have more space for fresh vegetables. Now, everybody’s happier.

        Liked by 1 person

        June 11, 2016 at 8:16 AM

        • That’s funny- I re-purposed my vegetable crisper and now have more space for socks.

          Like

          June 11, 2016 at 1:58 PM

        • Sister Madly – always cutting edge. You’ve taught me so much.

          Liked by 1 person

          June 12, 2016 at 8:54 AM

  8. Isaac Gathings

    I have nominated you for the Liebster Award. If you choose to accept then you can find the rules in my post, “Liebster Award”

    Liked by 1 person

    June 11, 2016 at 6:26 AM

    • Thank you! I appreciate your support. ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      June 11, 2016 at 1:57 PM

      • Isaac Gathings

        You are very welcome. And no need to thank me, your friendship is thanks enough.

        Liked by 1 person

        June 11, 2016 at 3:02 PM

  9. As Yoda would put it: The sarcasm is strong in this one. I love it!

    Liked by 2 people

    June 12, 2016 at 2:36 AM

    • Except when I sleep. I am very angelic when I’m asleep. ;c)

      Like

      June 12, 2016 at 9:45 AM

  10. This was a fun read. ☺
    Hope you’re having a nice weekend. 🌷

    Liked by 1 person

    June 12, 2016 at 4:00 PM

  11. Ha! What a delightful post. I have no idea how I missed it. I hope we did not date the same man because I do remember my husband stealing flowers off the table in a restaurant and assorted other quick fixes. “Would you like that, I’ll get it for you,” can be quite charming, but it does make one hesitate when the man means that literally, as in, who cares who it belongs too? To this day I say things like, “That’s lovely, but I wouldn’t want it at our house. I like it right where it is.”

    Liked by 1 person

    June 22, 2016 at 8:31 PM

    • “That’s lovely, but I wouldn’t want it at our house…”

      You are very fortunate to find a man who does not then turn around and move your house to where the lovely object is! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      June 22, 2016 at 9:36 PM

  12. Complicated Me

    There is no way you don’t know the post you just liked is mine. . . The Ip address will give it away. How’s life you?

    Liked by 1 person

    June 24, 2016 at 9:06 PM

    • Indeed, I know- and have known through the recent past…

      Life has been disturbingly calm as of late- how about you?

      Like

      June 24, 2016 at 9:54 PM

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