A Sixpence Fairytale

It happens to the best of us, that close call of almost having to marry your sister.


It’s the same old story: one minute, you’re sitting at your favorite pub with a few pints of cider, then the next your elder sister is sitting across from you, asking if you’d be willing to take the place of the man who was suppose to marry her in 10 days. He flaked out, you see. How typical.

It’s the classic American love story.

The conversation didn’t begin that way; in fact, they were discussing the wedding cake that Tallulah had picked out. Sister Madly implored her to do away with the yucky questionable fruit filling, which is an atrocity meant for things like food fights and PB & Jam sandwiches, not heavenly, life-altering cake. Not if you want your friends to actually like you. Seriously, toothpaste or kibble would be a far more user friendly filling.


It was then that Tallulah broke the news of He-Who-Flaked-Out-of-the-Wedding, that she just might need Sister Madly to take his place, which left Sister Madly gaping like a large-mouth bass (albeit, a fetching one.) She should have seen this coming. A few weeks after her engagement, Tallulah had warned that this might be a possibility; but that was over 14 months ago, when Sister Madly had ample time to prepare by drinking constantly. Or joining a circus. Or being institutionalized. Or at least by brushing her hair.

Yet like any decent elder sibling, Tallulah understood her apprehension, saying that if Sister Madly had any better suggestions, she was more than willing to consider them.

Oh, but Sister Madly had suggestions, and plenty of them; yet Tallulah managed to find fault with them all- even with the one that was so logical and so horribly practical, it was clearly above reproach:

Summon Cthulhu, you say? Sure, Sister Madly, that’s a plan- not a good one, but a plan.


But summoning Cthulhu takes a bit of time; there’s chanting and worship and travel and finding about 3000 expendable souls for him to snack on along the way. It would do no good to have him feasting on all the wedding guests in the middle of Tallulah’s vows. That’s bound to ruin a couple of friendships.

But much like Cthulhu, Sister Madly doesn’t just marry a desperate soul on a whim. There needs to be a sit-down where the ceremony is planned out and vows are discussed- and let’s not forget that whole fruit filling issue, although Tallulah seemed to hint that she would be willing to change said filling to a glorious chocolate bliss if Sister Madly would only do her this favor.*

* Turns out, Tallulah never hinted any such a thing. That was the cider talking.

Seeing as her options were becoming all-the-more limited, Sister Madly decided to utilize the barter system- Tallulah was, after all, family.


Will you play Safety Dance at the reception?
Absolutely not.

How about Dancing with Myself?
I’ll think about it.

How about the bagpipes at dusk?

You hate Twister.

Human sacrifice?
Too messy.

How about Safety Dance during-

Will you hire someone to pose as Slender Man in the photos?
Ha Ha Ha Ha! (For those of you who unfamiliar with Tallulah-speak, that is a ‘no.’)

Will you at least pick up the tab tonight?
I suppose I can do that.

When one considers how much cider Sister Madly consumed not only before, but after that initial proposal, the joke was on Tallulah.

As it turned out, Sister Madly did not have to marry her own sister 10 days later; Tallulah, you see- the ever intrepid, down-to-earth Tallulah- found someone else to officiate the wedding, relieving the panicky Sister Madly of the duty of performing the ceremony for her sister and brother-in-law.


Sister Madly still doesn’t understand why Tallulah objected to Cthulhu, as he is the High Priest of the Great Old Ones. Clergy officiate weddings all the time. 


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For those uncertain: Sister Madly was asked to officiate (perform) the wedding ceremony for Tallulah and the now Mr. Tallulah. While Sister Madly loves her sister, she herself isn’t quite ready for marriage.

15 responses

  1. Congrats to your sister and your acquisition of a bro in law😀!! Happy wedding wishes and feasting to all at the wedding😊
    I enjoyed this..the mere idea of you officiating the wedding was a sight I could picture! It would have been fun 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    April 15, 2016 at 5:18 AM

    • Thank you! And I know Tallulah thanks you as well.

      I did entertain the idea of getting a cardboard cutout of myself and just have a recording of my- or someone’s- voice play overhead. Might have fooled somebody out there.

      Liked by 3 people

      April 15, 2016 at 12:25 PM

  2. Anonymous

    I really have to really learn to put down my food or drink when I am reading your stuff. Now my keyboard and screen need a good a cleaning….thanks a lot Miss Madly! 🙂

    By the way you may have inspired me to write a poem …keep you eyes out…you will know it when you see it I think… I have been a funk lately with my writing so this is a good thing!

    I am now singing Safety Dance in my head and picturing that little guy (midget, dwarf, hobbit, little person? I don’t know the PC thing to call him) Anyway, I am picturing him dancing down the road in the video …. so thanks for that image…. did he have mini umbrella? I swear he was dancing with a mini-umbrella (note to self ..go to You Tube and watch that video)

    Damn I miss real Music videos….and original fun music…for the sake of fun.. now I’m waxing of olden times…. I will let myself out….

    Thanks for the entertaining read as always xo

    Liked by 2 people

    April 15, 2016 at 5:39 AM

    • I think the little guy had a lute, or some stringed instrument…?

      The reason Tallulah didn’t want to play Safety Dance was that she was afraid that the guests would start dancing in the same manner as the people in the video were dancing… which is the exactly why I suggested it!

      I know what it’s like to be in a funk when it comes to writing- here’s to better days ahead! ;c)

      (And drink windex next time- it will clean your computer screen, should you accidentally spit it out…)


      April 15, 2016 at 12:42 PM

  3. A close call indeed Ms Madly.

    No pipes? Heresy or at least something that requires a good comeuppance of some sort!

    You know how Clergy are at receptions, they want to play all the drinking games too. I’m thinking playing “Twister” with Cthuhlu seems like a no win proposition. How do you know what’s a hand and what’s a foot?

    I got ice cream for the cake!

    Liked by 2 people

    April 15, 2016 at 6:08 AM

    • No bagpipes, no Safety Dance… all attempts to Medievalize T’s wedding sadly went awry.

      I feel that Cthulhu is a pro at Twister, if for no other reason than he’s a sore loser who just eats the victor- and you know it’s true; that ice cream is to cleanse his palate between ‘courses.’

      Liked by 1 person

      April 15, 2016 at 12:49 PM

      • A cleansed palate is a hungry palate.

        You know if we let Cthulhu play twister with Pilates Instructors, it would peak the palate perceptibly.

        Many more of us would be safe from those big bouncy balls.

        Liked by 2 people

        April 15, 2016 at 2:02 PM

        • Sounds like you’ve crossed paths with a pilates instructor or two.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 15, 2016 at 2:22 PM

        • I have. They don’t seem to quite get the Pennsylvania diet. Quite disconcerting.

          Liked by 2 people

          April 15, 2016 at 2:28 PM

        • That’s because they were distracted by the Cthulhu ice cream.

          Liked by 1 person

          April 15, 2016 at 2:40 PM

  4. At no time during this tale did I believe that SM was being asked to wed Tallulah. Although I once married a yoga teacher and her fiance.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 15, 2016 at 10:15 PM

    • Now, did you first marry the yoga teacher, then the fiance? Did you all marry each other? Don’t leave us in such suspense!


      April 16, 2016 at 11:34 AM

      • It was what I like to call a “simultaneous situation.”

        Liked by 2 people

        April 16, 2016 at 12:28 PM

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