From Hell, with Love

The road to Hell is not paved with good intentions.

Unless Good Intentions is the riffraff the state uses to fill the potholes.

hell welcome

You see, Sister Madly has her moments of generosity, cheerfully obliging the appeals of her peers ranging from Knock it Off to Get Lost. In her lifetime, she’s knock so many things off of other things that one of those things must be the ‘it’ that was inferred, and has gotten lost so many times that she is running out of places that constitute as ‘lost.’

But there was one appeal that went largely ignored:

Go to Hell.

This one was not often requested of Sister Madly, but it has been known to follow her late-night victories over the Professors at darts- which, admittedly, is not very often: the Professors need to be drunk at the time, while Sister Madly needs to be sober, awake and actually playing darts for this to happen. Still, this perfect storm has been fashioned on occasion, and the least she could do was honor one of those requests.

Thanks to the music industry, getting there was a cinch.

destination

Sources indicate that the concept of Hell (derived from Old English Hel; Helle) developed around 30 CE, but this is in error: Hell came about on October 13, 1841 when settler George Reeves was asked what he thought the town should be named. The moonshine-loving Mr. Reeves graciously replied with “You can name it Hell for all I care!”

Sister Madly wasn’t certain what she’d find along the Road to Perdition, but according to most religions she would encounter the damned (political candidates) lost souls (telemarketers) eternal punishment (asparagus) and of course, fallen angels (Canadian Geese).

She would later find out she was right about the Geese.

hell country store

As for the terrain, literature has promised her anything from a Lake of Ice to a Lake of Fire; instead, Sister Madly found a roadside attraction that was unapologetically kitschy! The main stretch is a little more than a dirt lot between two buildings (the County Store/Post Office and the Gift Shop/Ice Cream Parlor) with the Dam Site Inn a little further on down the Road Paved with Good Intentions- somewhere around the 5th major pothole.

It is here in Hell that the position of Mayor is retained only for a day. Sister Madly briefly considered this second honor for one of the Professors, but when she realized that they would not be amused, the urge became almost irresistible- almost. You see, Sister Madly has employed the Get Lost request on occasion, and while the Professors have yet to do so, their sense of humor once strolled off into the darkness one moonless night, and has yet to return.

And one’s duties as the Mayor of Hell begins at 5 AM.

Yes, it was all too tempting…

For those of you who may find themselves wandering through the Abyss, allow Sister Madly to provide you with a few fun facts:

– Hell does, in fact, freeze over

hell frozen

– It does break loose, as it did on June 6, 2006

hell breaks loose

– Round trip from Hell, MI in the Lower peninsula to Paradise, MI in the Upper is 666 miles (from the edge of one town to the other, utilizing shortcuts, private roads, trespassing and quite possibly, teleporting)

tahquamenon falls

– The Post Office is more than willing to set fire to your mail

hell postcard

– Took several years to build a Miniature Golf course

hell mini golf

– Mini Golf is now complete, but never seems to be open

hell mini golf 2

– Painted a picnic table to entertain you while you wonder why the Mini Golf is never open

hell picnic table

– There are Canadian Geese

goose 2

And while you are sitting there wondering why the Mini Golf is never open, some mysterious stranger- who looks a bit like a werewolf in mid-transition- just might hand you a little card that reads:

And the Lord saith unto John: “Come forth, and ye shall receive eternal life.”
But John came in fifth, and won a toaster.

holy toaster

THEME SONG: Highway to Hell, AC/DC


All Images from Tumblr except:
5) verpics.com
6) getty images

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25 responses

  1. We find the foreshadowing quite delicious, Dear Sister….

    Liked by 1 person

    September 3, 2015 at 7:04 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I see no foreshadowing here…

      Or was that you I saw consorting with the Canadian Geese?

      Like

      September 3, 2015 at 1:33 PM

  2. Thank you Ms Madly. It is always appreciated when one of your stature pontificates on where to go and how to get there!

    I understand women scorned got nothing on a Moppet called to “Hellacious” duty at 5:00 am!

    I’ll have you know until a week before Thanksgiving, (2nd Monday in October) our Geese amuse themselves cavorting around Neptune. That would be Neptune, Saskatchewan. The geese take great delight in honking at lost Watermelon Heads.

    I also suggest that should one of them besotted professors whom may have been imported in from north of the 49th ask you if you’d like a Canadian Goose, you decline.

    Lucky John! Not just your ordinary toaster but a selfie toaster!

    Now if you should need to get to a place that is best by a dam site, I can tell you where to go.

    Hey you know me, I do what I can. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    September 3, 2015 at 8:07 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I would not have known how to get there without aid of the music industry- or ultimately, Luci. Without Luci, not only would there not have been a music industry to tell me how to get there, there would have been no ‘there’ to get to.

      Geese from Neptune- that sounds about right!

      Liked by 1 person

      September 3, 2015 at 1:38 PM

      • Ahhhhhhhhh that Luci, he’s a good one. He does need to learn the difference between pawns and prawns.

        And that adventure Luci had in Georgia is playing as I write.

        There is a subversive sect of Geese that like nothing better than to leave deposits on the greens of golf courses. Luci said he didn’t do it with a finger to his nose. This makes me consider that with your previous golf history…….

        Liked by 1 person

        September 3, 2015 at 1:52 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Golf is just plain evil. It does not need the help of Luci- or the Geese- to be so.

          Liked by 1 person

          September 3, 2015 at 2:01 PM

        • <—– chortles

          yesm

          Liked by 1 person

          September 3, 2015 at 2:17 PM

  3. Very clever. Where do you come up with the stuff? Haha

    Liked by 1 person

    September 3, 2015 at 8:18 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!!

      I thought it was high time to write about my own personal hell… which just happens to be a kitschy little town in Michigan. With an ice cream parlor. ;c)

      Like

      September 3, 2015 at 1:48 PM

  4. locksley2010

    Ever considered being a tour guide?

    Liked by 2 people

    September 6, 2015 at 12:31 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Through Hell? Hmm… I have been there often enough…

      Liked by 2 people

      September 6, 2015 at 12:39 PM

  5. A great read as always SM! Bravo!! 🍻

    Liked by 1 person

    September 6, 2015 at 7:04 AM

  6. Sister Madly really makes learning fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    September 16, 2015 at 10:27 AM

    • Sister Madly

      In that case, class- what have we learned today?

      Liked by 1 person

      September 19, 2015 at 9:21 AM

      • Okay, I know this one. Don’t play darts against Sister Madly!

        Liked by 1 person

        September 21, 2015 at 11:45 AM

        • Sister Madly

          There’s wisdom in your words: Sister Madly’s aim is, unfortunately, rather random.

          Liked by 1 person

          September 22, 2015 at 2:04 PM

  7. Oh my oh my !…I fear you would not like Empire , Michigan where the local asparagus festival is celebrated but I’m certain you would like the town of Climax , Michigan a little further up the road ….you are such a rare and wondrous delight and I love you madly ! You are so creatively stunning …..hugs and love , megxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    September 21, 2015 at 5:42 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Aw, thank you!! That really means a lot to me, especially coming from someone as talented and as magical as you!

      I’ve been to Empire once, on an asparagus-free day… ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      September 22, 2015 at 3:02 PM

      • It’s a serious pleasure to know you , madly ! …and a wonder that you have actually been to Empire ! with gratefulness and love for your beautiful presence

        Liked by 1 person

        September 23, 2015 at 9:48 AM

  8. I’ve been to Hell and back a few times now and at different seasons of the year, and contrary to the belief of some, it does freeze over in the winter. Some people actually insist on living there. I’m not one of them. …….:)

    Liked by 1 person

    October 9, 2015 at 12:17 PM

    • Sister Madly

      If there are those who insist on living in Hell- especially in light of the fact that it DOES freeze over- then there MUST be some sort of excitement there… I wonder where they keep it.

      Like

      October 9, 2015 at 1:25 PM

      • In the basement with that vat of acid !!!!! Hahaha !!!

        Liked by 1 person

        October 10, 2015 at 9:08 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Ha! So THAT’S how they keep the soul count up in Perdition!

          Like

          October 10, 2015 at 9:59 AM

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