Sister Madly Dyes at the End
If there is anything that depresses Sister Madly more than cabbages, it’s finding out that someone is trying to poison her.
Let’s face it: poisoning another person is not very gracious. In fact, some find it so rude that there are actual laws against it.
It was during one of her innocent frolics throughout the Renaissance Faire some years ago that Sister Madly, per chance, found a PURPLE Jelly Bean at the bottom of her glass. And though a Jelly Bean means absolute squat in this day and age, during that particular era they were considered toxic, with each COLOUR representing a different poison.
And seeing as one had so mysteriously found it’s way into her goblet, Sister Madly could say, within an acceptable margin of error, which miscreant was responsible.
Just look at him over there, strutting about like some colossal, avian horror: the Dodo, completely indifferent in his BLACK nightdress and creepy beak. He had just tried to poison Sister Madly with a PURPLE Jelly Bean and lacked the common decency to be ashamed of it! Why, he couldn’t have been more blasé if he had just burned down a Wal-Mart. The Dodo was one of those creatures whom always believed that the universe would look after him and, somehow, the universe always did.
This frustrated Sister Madly to no end.
Despite the many wonderful methods of exacting revenge, she settled on the Dodo’s own game. This she accomplished with a rendezvous with the Assassin – some common ne’er-do-well, it turned out, with hair so light and skin so dark that he looked like a photo negative. And here, Sister Madly wasted 10 minutes of her precious life deciding upon which Jelly Bean she would spend $1:
- RED = LOVE: No. Just no.
- GREEN = MIND CONTROL: Possibilities with this one.
- YELLOW = YOUTH: The last thing she needs is an everlasting Dodo.
- PURPLE = MADNESS: She suspects the Dodo is one corn nut away from this mindset as it is.
- BLACK = DEATH: Oh sure; the way her luck is going, the poison would bypass all the vital organs and go straight to his hips- which would be quite effective if the Dodo was a girl who worried about that sort of thing.
The truth is, she never saw the Dodo eat or drink, and he certainly wouldn’t absorb anything through the skin as his very wardrobe was meant to safeguard against this. But that didn’t matter: all Sister Madly really wanted was for the Dodo to know that she could get to him as easily as he could get to her… which wasn’t true in the least, because it took a great deal of finagling and brouhaha to get the Jelly Bean in his tankard- and at a great personal inconvenience, she might add.
But he didn’t need to know that part.
The beauty in this plan was that anyone could be responsible, if you think about it; all she had to do was point the finger. And most of the Faire Folk would believe her; seriously, the Dodo could hardly go about diagnosing everyone with the Plague and expect to remain popular.
It was over an hour later, after the Pub Sing-Along, that it was pointed out to Sister Madly that not only was there GREEN all over her hands – which she hadn’t noticed, the blind sap – but was also streaked along her neck. And across her temple. And above her eye. For heaven‘s sake, dear child; did any of the poison actually make it into the tankard?
This is why you should wear gloves, Sister Madly. So you don‘t end up poisoning yourself.
There was a certain wisdom in the Dodo’s words; even she admitted that. Yes, Sister Madly, you should have chosen RED, in which case you would’ve fallen deeply in LOVE with yourself, way beyond narcissism, and probably lived happily ever-after. But no; you chose GREEN. You chose MIND CONTROL. Now you are forced to do whatever it is you bid yourself to do. You spent $1 to prove a point to the Dodo – but in the end you were the one who DYED.
Is Sister Madly responsible, you ask? Absolutely, Skeksis ol’ bean! If you don’t wish the Moppet to engage in a dark science, don’t employ dark sciences in the first place.
The Dodo merely stared at her with a look of dull incredulity, or she assumed; he wore a mask, as always, so every expression looked very much like the other. But he did seem to have no idea what she was talking about – unlike his entourage.
And in a moment she lives over and over in her dreams…
The Beak had nothing to do with that, Sister Madly.
Nothing to do with it, they said.
And for the first time in her life, Sister Madly found herself within that acceptable margin of error.
Do you find it so acceptable now?
THEME SONG: Poison, Alice Cooper
Image 4) defectivescissors.deviantart.com