The Loco News

It is a little known fact that Sister Madly has a conduit into the local media scene. It would be unfair to say that she has not benefited from this liaison- indeed, with each passing day it becomes evident that it is not her own sanity that the world must question. She has provided you excerpts from actual emails received to support this claim.

Newspaper1

~ ON ETIQUETTE ~
… the culprit is XXXX and his obnoxious, loud behavior and general lack of decorum. In a recent show, he drank from a soup plate, which he referred to as a “bowl”. The rim of a soup plate specifically discourages a faux pas like the above mentioned. Please consider that what you show on your station- correct or not- gives the general public license to be crass in their own lives & we surely do not need more of that.

Since the lifting of the soup plate from the soup plate’s plate is an act most barbaric, Sister Madly has decided to address the issue so that she might single-handedly postpone mankind’s descent into the cultural abyss: Use a Spoon.

And always make certain that the clams in your bouillabaisse are Free Range.

soup-plate

~ ON PHOTO SUBMISSION ~
Is there not a category for legit paranormal pics? why not you guys post every other stupid pic in the world! is sent 2 amazing ghost pics to you guys took me almost a year and over 10k pics to get 2 real legit pics!

A legitimate request, this one; Sister Madly herself has a file for paranormal pictures and has for years. It is empty.

ghost

~ ON PROPER TERMINOLOGY ~
I watched your segment on Comic Con this weekend and they mentioned the people playing “Dress up.” It is not called dress up, it is cosplay. Referring it to dress up like what children do, which is what the segment appeared to be about, is not the basis of cosplay. (Being a child)

When Sister Madly dressed up for the Renaissance Faire, she and everyone else called it ‘Role Play.’ Themed weekends did not include Steampunk, Star Wars, or Anime in those days- there was the Highland Fling, during which Sister Madly & Co. donned picnic blankets in an attempt to pass them off as tartans. They were unsuccessful, although they did manage to anger some Vikings.

picnictable shirt

~ ON HEAVEN-KNOWS WHAT ~
HUMMINGBIRD FEEDERS! MINE FROOZED LAST NIGHT! I HAVE A PLASTIC ON, PUT IT IN THE MIRCO TO THAW-OUT. THE LITTLE HUMMERS WHERE VERY HAPPY AND HUNGER!!

Nothing soothes the Madly Soul more than a Hummer at a feeder. Nothing.

hummer

~ ON SYMPATHY ~
i feel sorry for XXXX.. every day he gives out the word of the day for the car contest, he’s wearing the same pair of pants. Should i start a facebook page “help XXXX get a new pair of pants?” 

Perhaps they’re comfy. Perhaps they’re lucky. Or perhaps he films the week’s Word of the Day segments all at once, which does not require the changing of pants.

pants

~ ON CHILD REARING ~
I realize the story about those people that set themselves on fire in Cleveland was a great cause done for charity, but don’t you think you guys should have put a phrase in front of the story telling people “to not try this at home” due to the young viewers that might be watching this at home. I have alot of small children in my family that watch the news with us grown ups & they had alot of questions I had to explain.

Sister Madly finds this suggestion a most sensible one- provided your children are the type who need to be advised not to set themselves on fire.

firedrill

~ ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS ~
Please ask XXXX what size his waist size is, as I am making a Tutu for his next race.
P.S. It takes a real man to wear a Tutu in public, so I will be kind and make it in Blue!
Thanks!

It was blue. And a lovely shade at that.

Beautiful Bulldog Contest

Do keep in mind that, should you contact your local media, someone is on hand to screen the calls and emails.

And it is just possible that someone knows Sister Madly.

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16 responses

  1. Thank you Sister Madly for an absolutely wonderful P.S.A.!

    Point of information. Did Sister Madly actually state she is a grown up? Please note that referring to yourself as a grown up can affect your D.W.I., Devoutly Warped Individual rating.

    I thought I’d seen the last of those pants. Gee thanks!

    This being, “Good Friday”, I’ll be good and refrain from further outlandish questioning and/or commentary.

    On exit and as a point of information, not every man owns a picnic table shirt!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 3, 2015 at 6:18 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Are we suppose to be good on Good Friday?!

      Get use to the pants: that is the re-design of your Tartan. You are welcome.

      And I never once claimed to be a grown up. Or an adult. I’m not even sure I claimed to be human… hm.

      AND WHY DON’T YOU OWN A PICNIC TABLE SHIRT?!?

      Liked by 2 people

      April 3, 2015 at 12:44 PM

      • Thank you for redesigning that hideous Tartan, I think.

        I gave up the picnic table shirt because it clashed terribly with the Jimmy Choo Pink Zebra Stiletto Pumps!

        I’m still trying to figure out that whole good thing myself. Sorry I can’t be more help.

        Liked by 1 person

        April 3, 2015 at 1:29 PM

  2. Ha! It is not ever to be referred to as playing dress up, it is the very mature act of cosplay! Not to be confused with “role play” which is something very kinky indeed.

    Also, what kind of a barbarian slurps soup off a plate?! It’s one thing to savage a piece of meat and toss your bones in the corner, but drinking your soup off a plate is an act completely unworthy of a proper barbarian. For shame.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 3, 2015 at 7:17 AM

    • Sister Madly

      For shame, indeed! Then again, I do not own a soup plate, thus I can only aspire to the status of Proper Barbarian.

      I do have a proper soup spoon, however- which I once microwaved. I still have the spoon, though not the microwave.

      Liked by 2 people

      April 3, 2015 at 12:36 PM

  3. I love the part about “Stop, drop ansd roll”… I too, as a child, wonered how many times I would put this to the test. The answer is 3.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 3, 2015 at 8:10 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Only 3? Do you look back on those moments with nostalgia?

      While I’ve never set fire to myself, I have set fire to things, which results in stop, stare, and wonder how things could go so wrong so fast.

      Liked by 2 people

      April 3, 2015 at 12:31 PM

  4. What’s wrong with wearing the same pair of pants often? I wear the same pair of pants quite regularly, as I am trying to train them to find their own way to where I work one day.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 3, 2015 at 8:16 PM

    • Sister Madly

      While intrigued by this ‘training,’ it does beg the question: why would you show up to work without your pants, so that they must find their way there on their own volition?

      But I do agree: what is wrong with wearing the same pair of pants repeatedly?The disturbing part is that someone noticed this.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 3, 2015 at 8:48 PM

  5. I am intrigued by the number of times XXXX is blamed. In Queensland which is in the north of Australia their best selling beer is labelled XXXX. Most people are convinced that the reason is that Queenslanders have difficulty spelling the word ‘beer’.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 6, 2015 at 4:02 AM

    • Sister Madly

      It is sad, how XXXX is getting singled out by the viewers. All he is doing is trying to make a living.

      In America, beer is the reason most of us have trouble spelling ‘beer.’

      Like

      April 6, 2015 at 2:02 PM

  6. This blog always makes me laugh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    April 8, 2015 at 7:38 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Much better than making you want to do the laundry!

      …Thank you! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      April 9, 2015 at 11:06 PM

  7. The Dinosaur headline caught my eye for some strange reason:

    http://saintjoanofarcreincarnatedalmanac.yolasite.com/More-Martians.php

    Oh no! Another sample of by-gone local news…

    Liked by 1 person

    April 18, 2015 at 9:43 AM

    • Sister Madly

      ‘Everybody seems to be reincarnated here..’ Ha! Love it!

      Like

      April 18, 2015 at 11:43 AM

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