Happy Little Trees: Bob Ross vs. Sister Madly
“I was thinking about painting some trees.”
That shouldn’t be a problem, Professor; in fact, Sister Madly is rather pleased that you’re starting to show some spunk. Now, just which National Forest do you want to deface? You provide the paint, Sister Madly will pack the muffins.
“On my wall.”
Apparently, this particular friend believes that the best way of experiencing all that nature has to offer is by bringing it indoors. Seriously, Professor, what’s up with that? You’ve got birds on your cupboards, and now you want the Enchanted Wood on your basement wall. You even went as far as to chop down a lovely tree and set it up in your living room like some grotesque hunting trophy- what did you call it? ‘Christmas?’ Pine cones and needles lying about like darling little entrails. And you wouldn’t even let Sister Madly climb it.*
*So what if she set fire to the German Pinwheel thingy? It was hideous- and an accident, Professor: a happy little accident.
Trees. Happy little trees, no doubt. You’ve been watching The Joy of Painting on the sly, haven’t you, Professor?
Just how does one go about ascertaining the emotional state of a tree? It was easy in the Wizard of Oz: those trees were snippy. This was made evident by the fact that they threw apples at everyone. Sister Madly always felt a kinship with those trees, sharing their good, honest, demonic appetite for all things dark and goofy.
“That is something you can do… isn’t it? Paint trees?”
It would seem that her friends have a little more than a mustard seed’s worth of faith that Sister Madly’s talent is the same caliber as that of the Zen-like happy man, Bob Ross. To be clear: the only thing that Sister Madly and Bob Ross have is common is… well, nothing.
Look at that smile, that hair: you just know that his mother sat him down as a child and said “Now Bobby, even though it’s the end of the world, that doesn’t mean you can’t be polite.”
Whereas with Sister Madly, this same reprimand would go something like “Just because you brought about the end of the world, young lady, doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean your room. And take out the garbage. And why did you stamp your name all over your face? Did you forget who you are?”
And for those of you who still find difficultly in differentiating between the two:
BOB ROSS: name that can be pronounced by 98% of the English-speaking population.
SISTER MADLY: name that can be pronounced by no one.
BOB ROSS: turns all of his mistakes into ‘happy little accidents.’
SISTER MADLY: turns all of her mistakes into global disasters – albeit, with a smile.
BOB ROSS: paints trees by recreating their image on a blank canvas.
SISTER MADLY: paints trees by covering them in Circus Peanut Orange. Semi-Gloss.
BOB ROSS: soft, calming, velveteen voice. A bit like Sister Madly’s sofa.
SISTER MADLY: not soft, calming, velveteen voice. A bit like an old, wool sock.
Also, they look nothing alike.
You know, Sister Madly, compared to Bob Ross and all of his sunshine, you look like a soulless cookie. His trees are happy; your trees house birds who expel fully digested berries all over your car. When he wants a sunset, he paints it; when you want a sunset- face it, you need to move. And you can pretty much bet that he didn’t stamp his name all over his face when he was just a wee little thing. Also, he was a Master Sergeant in the Air Force; you just like to lay around in the grass.
“So, if you’re not busy this weekend…”
Sister Madly can’t guarantee that, Professor; she just might be spending the evening plotting your very own happy little ‘accident.’
POST’S THEME SONG: Happy Together, The Turtles