The Plague Mates

Should you ever find yourself having to describe the act of ‘Thinking,’ do in fact think before you speak. There are better ways of describing it than as ‘a voice inside your head.’

Sister Madly found that one out the hard way.

dodo lamp

There was no indication that the day would one of great peculiarity- that is, until she woke up. In the midst of her Good Morning Stretch, Sister Madly, who had been sleeping in a manner most angelic, came to realize that a familiar face was hovering nearby, watching her sleep.

How, just how did the Effigy make its limbless way from on the fridge to the lamp beside the bed? This wasn’t just a trick of the heartless sunshine, but one of malicious intent, who delighted at the sight of Sister Madly engaging in an acrobatic struggle to free herself from the tangled sheets. Indeed, there was malicious intent- yet, she could prove none of it.

You see, Sister Madly has a habit of leaving things conspicuously out of place as a reminder that there is something of importance pending in her life. The reason for this is so that she’ll ask herself why in the name of Kermit the Frog did she hang a shoe from the ceiling fan, thus tracing her reasoning back to the fact that she needs to pay rent. Logic would therefore dictate that she had intended for there to be a utility bill or a note attached to the Effigy, but Sister Madly does not live in a House of Logic.

Besides, why would Sister Madly want THAT face to be the first thing she sees in the morning?

deep thoughts

There is no doubt that the Effigy was assuming liberties beyond his humble station on the refrigerator, even going so far as to wreck havoc upon her dreams. Obviously, the only proper way to deal with the Effigy was to implement the most exquisite example of machete justice ever to be seen.

Only… where is the machete, Sister Madly?

One couldn’t deny the glaring white wall against which there once rested this magnificent weapon; but for just how long has it been this way? The rest of her arsenal seemed to be in tact; but the machete… that appeared to be on holiday.

Sure, she may have misplaced it. History is full of examples of ne’er-do-wells mislaying their machetes in their sparsely furnished, one-room domiciles, only to find it years later with all the missing argyle socks. It’s the classic American Love Story.

But what should have worried her more was the latest fun she’s been having with the Effigy:

dodo wedding 2

Now, what would your great-grandmother say, Sister Madly, after bootlegging and moonshining her way first through Prohibition, then the Depression, only to be defaced by the Effigy and… that other thing? And just what is that other thing? Some sort of demented kumquat? It does looks like a sort of thing the Dodo would marry-

Don’t go there, Sister Madly; don’t do it.

But that’s just the thing she was thinking about later that night; she might have even been making faces while doing so. Of course, she couldn’t tell the Professors this; evidence suggests that they might be on his side. Come to think of it, Sister Madly- how do you know that they aren’t responsible for the Effigy’s cross-studio levitation in the middle of the night? They’ve already threatened to knit a sweater for your car, and everybody knows that is one step away from Effigy Moving. All the oracles say so.*

*They do so!

smartcozy

So when they asked about her obvious lack of interest in anchovies, Sister Madly told them that she was just thinking- a response that was met with confusion, as though such an activity was a foreign.

Yes, Professor, thinking; you know: the voice inside your head…

There was just no taking that one back; there was no use even trying. Perhaps it’s time for you to go home, Sister Madly; better yet, call yourself a cab- and when it arrives, just step out in front of it.

POST’S THEME SONG: The Enemy Guns, DeVotchKa

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27 responses

  1. LOL, ah thinking, now there’s a dangerous past time for sure! Just the same, someone recently pointed out that if you think the voices are in your head, rather than coming from the room around you, you’re probably in pretty good shape.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 12, 2015 at 5:21 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I will embrace, and run with this philosophy! Thank you, O Wise One!!

      Like

      March 12, 2015 at 5:30 PM

  2. Reblogged this on creepyshitandcutegirls.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 12, 2015 at 5:26 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!! ;c)

      Like

      March 12, 2015 at 5:31 PM

  3. Susan D. Durham

    Delightful!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 12, 2015 at 6:11 PM

    • Sister Madly

      ;c) Thank you!

      Like

      March 12, 2015 at 7:02 PM

  4. John Thursday

    DeVotchKa! I saw them live a few years ago. Awesome. Also. Great story. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    March 12, 2015 at 7:56 PM

    • Sister Madly

      You have good taste in music!

      Liked by 1 person

      March 12, 2015 at 9:08 PM

      • John Thursday

        Why thank you, Miss Madly. We share this good taste, clearly.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 12, 2015 at 9:14 PM

  5. dara40

    You certainly know how to spin a yarn. Truly wonderful storytelling.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 12, 2015 at 8:38 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you. However, I speak nothing but the absolute truth… ;c)

      Liked by 2 people

      March 12, 2015 at 9:09 PM

  6. darkenwulfbytes

    Sister Madly, the Dodos are everywhere and have learned to speak telepathically…I’m waiting for the movie.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 12, 2015 at 10:41 PM

    • Sister Madly

      The Dodo’s aren’t speaking to you this way… are they?!

      If so, you may not have the luxury of waiting for the movie!

      Like

      March 13, 2015 at 12:34 PM

  7. Good advice Sister Madly on using the inside voice!

    Hmmmmm being the helpful sort I am, just perhaps you have a form of S.A.D. It could be that you have Somnambulent Affective Disorder? Perhaps working on the Lucid Dreaming skills would turn the activities from the inward to the outward.

    The monkey took your machete.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 13, 2015 at 3:49 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I do not Sleepwalk! Nor do I Sleep-Move-Effigies-Across-The-Room-For-No-Apparent-Reason! But I do sleep… sometimes. I’m too clumsy to do the other things without knowing it. ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      March 13, 2015 at 12:37 PM

  8. ~meredith

    Any time I need a sense of normalcy to tuck in my bag, I download your latest post and know that you can imagine how easily I knock off several nimnuts with one swing when they fail to recognize the weight of instinctive wisdom | ‘absolute truth’.

    Great fun! Meredith

    Liked by 1 person

    March 13, 2015 at 7:10 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Some people just can’t handle the truth. That is why we are here! ;c)

      Like

      March 13, 2015 at 12:41 PM

  9. You are mad in a good way.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 13, 2015 at 10:56 AM

    • Sister Madly

      You mean, there’s a BAD way?! ;c)

      Like

      March 13, 2015 at 12:41 PM

  10. I really hope you made this up. If not , let me know and I’ll bring your corkscrew over right now. I can’t help but think this is my fault. Oh, SM…What have I done?
    p.s. I took the machete. You see, I couldn’t find your corkscrew at the time. You were out and I thought I would have time to put it back before you noticed. I suck, I know.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 13, 2015 at 7:03 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I did not make this up, but by no means is it your fault. Somehow, the Dodo knew it was your birthday, and… well, he tried to take your cat and your moldy cheese… but I held him at bay by singing William Shatner’s rendition of ‘Common People’- that is, him and the rest of society- but it was well worth the effort! That might have been more effective than wielding a newly-sharpened machete.

      Liked by 1 person

      March 13, 2015 at 8:28 PM

      • Do you think he was mad because the party was cut short by the fire you set? And he tried to take BOTH the cat and the moldy cheese? Well, I know someone who I won’t invite to X-mas dinner. In fact, I just might send him his Christmas bomb early this year. At least he didn’t get the port. I’ll be by soon to return all the items I have borrowed and to take you out for pints of cider. I think I owe you quite a few…

        Liked by 1 person

        March 14, 2015 at 7:07 AM

        • Sister Madly

          How about we invite him to BE X-mas dinner?

          Liked by 1 person

          March 14, 2015 at 10:04 AM

        • Now there’s a good idea. an we stuff him with the moldy cheese?

          Liked by 1 person

          March 14, 2015 at 10:05 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Indeed. And top him off with a lovely port wine sauce.

          Liked by 1 person

          March 14, 2015 at 10:09 AM

        • Oooooohhhh…. Well, now I’m hungry.

          Liked by 1 person

          March 14, 2015 at 10:10 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Me too.

          Like

          March 14, 2015 at 10:16 AM

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