The Lotus Caretaker

Earlier this week, Sister Madly woke up with the worst hangover of her entire human career, which was all fine and dandy except for one thing: she didn’t drink the night before. In fact, she hadn’t had a drink since the Zip It’s Inquisition.

grumpy cat wake up

Well, that just irritated Sister Madly. To wake up with a hangover when she did not partake in the pre-hangover festivities is so unfair. Then again, people have been known to sleepwalk and sleep eat, even sleep drive in some instances. So why not sleep drink?

Did the dog* eat your IQ for breakfast, Sister Madly? At the bottom of what teacup did you read such logic? You don’t keep alcohol in the house. Even the bit of wine you killed off during the Inquisition was what remained of the wine you cook with.

*That would be Sambo, the imaginary dog of Sister Madly’s Childhood Friend, Serafina.

Maybe she dreamt that she drank all night. Maybe this is a psychosomatic hangover.

And so once again, Sister Madly found herself engaging in 3 AM Rationale at 10 in the morning with words she could hardly spell. The last time this happened, she brought the salad dressing along with her to the Seventh Circle of Hell, known to general public as the Batting Cage. In light of those developments, she thought it best to iron out all the kinks before work that night.

Wait- what was that about working? Just what work would that be, Sister Madly?

Come on- you know she takes care of the lotuses.

lotus 2

Is that so. And just where do you do this caretaking?

At the pond.

For the love of all things polka-dot, Sister Madly! Who works at a pond? Botanical garden, yes, conceivably even a wetland- but a pond? Just where, pray tell, is this pond?

Well, it’s…

Now she’s stumped. It would be understandable if she couldn’t give you the exact address, but Sister Madly can’t even tell you how to get there. She could call her boss… the boss whose name she does not know… How does one address someone who has no name? How is it that she doesn’t know her boss’ name? How is it that she knows nothing about her job?

Oh, Sister Madly, don’t you see what has happened here? Surely it tickles no one to say this, but it was a dream. You dreamt that you were this Lotus Caretaker, and you believed it. Worse yet, you’ve been believing it for more than half the day. You were even going to call this imaginary job! Tell us, Sister Madly- what color is the sky in your world?

lotus blooming

Of course, upon thinking it over, it was obvious that it wasn’t real, even though it didn’t have the bizarre elements that one cheerfully accepts in a dream; no dandelion-dispensing gumball machines growing in the pastures; no plaid T-Rexes flaunting feathered boas at the casino. It had all the earmarks of real life- there was even the scent of rain and neroli oil, which is something she rarely experiences in a dream. And she was sad, because it was a really pretty pond and she liked her job.

Sister Madly, you see, was the only one who could make the Lotuses bloom- that, right there, should have tipped her off. Sister Madly doesn’t have what they call a green thumb. Sure, back in the 6th grade, she had the largest lima bean plant by the end of the month, but that was entirely due to a boy named Benny, who took over her duties when Sister Madly was out with yet another bout of Chicken Pox.

opening the lotus

And just how was she able to get them to bloom? By lifting the lotus out of the water and holding it in her palm until the petals fell open- prying them apart only killed the flowers. Fortunately, she did not find this out the hard way. That might have made her cry.

Sure, it sounds like candy, Sister Madly; that’s why it doesn’t sound like you. Are you certain that cartoon birds weren’t also braiding your hair? How about sitting on your shoulder, singing you a lullaby?* What about riding a magic carpet through the fireflies and the fairies? Would you have believed all this, too?

Still, Sister Madly does have to work tonight: she needs to work on distinguishing reality from her fever-induced dreams.

*Had it been real life, it would’ve been buzzards braiding her hair and a belching pelican on her shoulder. With fish breath.

POST’S THEME SONG: Fever, Sarah Vaughan


24 responses

  1. NYX

    The pictures are beautiful and just add tremendously to the presentation.


    February 19, 2015 at 6:39 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!! Fortunately, it wasn’t too weird of a dream, in which case pictures might have been impossible. ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      February 19, 2015 at 2:38 PM

  2. Brutal…hope the awful “hangover” abates and you get to sleep well again. Love this piece….

    Liked by 1 person

    February 19, 2015 at 6:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Ha! Thank you! For the most part, the ‘hangover’ is… well, over. But I might not mention this to certain people just yet… 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      February 19, 2015 at 2:43 PM

  3. Very illuminating Sister Madly. Some is easy to decipher and some not at all.

    Dream Interpretation isn’t really my forte but if you’re so inclined I’d be happy to pontificate for the state of your emotional well being.


    February 19, 2015 at 8:34 AM

    • Sister Madly

      The dream was most likely a devious little trick that I played on myself, which I need to stop doing. Devious little tricks are meant to be played on other people, not on oneself.

      Liked by 1 person

      February 19, 2015 at 2:50 PM

      • We’re on the same page with analysis. Maybe in the same paragraph.

        Liked by 1 person

        February 20, 2015 at 3:24 AM

  4. Sounds like you need a drink. May I suggest the port? Scratch that. I finished off your port. More wine? Again, sorry. I still have the sacred corkscrew. How about some milk…Nope, my cat drank all the milk. Cider? That’s it! Now, off to the pub you go, and work on those pints. I’m on the bus. I’ll be there in ten minutes…

    Liked by 2 people

    February 19, 2015 at 8:54 AM

  5. So good, I read it twise

    Liked by 1 person

    February 20, 2015 at 6:54 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, if only it were true- i’d have you read it a 3rd time, then take you on a blissful, meandering, cider-filled tour of the pond- of which you would be under no obligation to remember.

      Liked by 1 person

      February 20, 2015 at 7:50 PM

      • I love the sound of all of this… When does the boat leave and where do i sign up?


        February 20, 2015 at 8:02 PM

        • Sister Madly

          It’s a first come, first serve type situation… aka, first come, first who-can-jump-aboard-ship-and-fight-off-all-the-drunken-pirates-with-a-shiny-sharp-piece-of-metal-that-can-pass-as-a-sword type of situation. For your FYI.

          Of which I have no doubt that you could do in your sleep…

          Liked by 1 person

          February 20, 2015 at 8:14 PM

        • I can roll with the best of them, and I don’t even need a compass…(where’s the door)


          February 20, 2015 at 8:17 PM

        • Sister Madly

          The door? It’s over there… —–> sometimes, that is …

          Liked by 1 person

          February 20, 2015 at 8:20 PM

        • Ah, yes! And as I was saying… Wait, what was I saying?

          Liked by 1 person

          February 20, 2015 at 8:22 PM

        • Sister Madly

          You were saying that… uh… that progress means that bad things just happen faster. Aye?

          Liked by 1 person

          February 20, 2015 at 8:27 PM

      • I forgot…I love the forgetful

        Liked by 1 person

        February 20, 2015 at 8:02 PM

  6. I guess so???

    Liked by 2 people

    February 20, 2015 at 8:32 PM

  7. Aye…aye

    Liked by 1 person

    February 20, 2015 at 8:49 PM

  8. I believe in the lotus caretaker! I just hope there’s an opening? Do you need a secretary? 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    February 21, 2015 at 6:13 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Ha! If you can find a way to enter this dream world, I will hire you! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      February 21, 2015 at 10:03 AM

  9. Sunshine Jansen

    Candy can be allowed sometimes, Sister, especially if it’s loaded with ancient Asian metaphors about transcendence (very helpful before having to go to work at a “real” job, like the one I’ve just persuaded myself to go in to today and not call in “existentially sick”.) This particular dream candy is less like the tooth-decaying gumdrop variety than a perfect green tea mochi.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 23, 2015 at 5:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      So, I can have my candy and eat it, too?

      Actually, I’m still kinda bummed that it wasn’t real. It was such a pretty place- wish you could have seen it. ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      February 23, 2015 at 2:43 PM

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