To Fear the Wonderland Mushroom

It’s a sad state of affairs when Sister Madly becomes the voice of reason.

She was on her way to a dinner party when she made a stop to pick up the requested potatoes. She had long-since decided on purple potatoes since no specific instructions were given, as the color would make the evening festive. Besides, what’s more fun than wandering the international market?

After her usual dilly-dallying amongst the chicken claws and cans of grass juice, Sister Madly found her purple potatoes- and was immediately enchanted by a blue mushroom in a nearby bin.

blue mushroom 2

By now you know that Sister Madly likes mushrooms; she also likes blue. Put these two marvels of nature together and you have brushed the outer fringes of nirvana. No doubt the Professors would be pleased; they once mentioned wanting to hunt for blue chanterelles someday.

The Professors, however, were less than enthusiastic.

“On which trip through Wonderland did you dig that thing up?”

Now, you must know that Sister Madly’s idea of mushroom picking is digging through the U-Pick carton at the market- indeed, even Sister Madly wouldn’t trust a mushroom Sister Madly picked out in the woods, even under supervision. Also, there’s that tendency to wander off and get mixed up with big kitties.

“Are you sure it’s edible? It doesn’t look edible. What’s it called?”

Well, according to the sign, Professor, it’s line, line, intersecting-line-with-an-oh-so-subtle-yet-intriguing-arc, square-with-a-line-through-the-center, line. Repeat the sequence, but add a line- and, quite possibly, a smiley face.*

*Approximate. Sister Madly is not known for her spelling- especially when it comes to Asian Characters.

“That’s not a chanterelle, Sister Madly. It looks like a portabella that sat too close to the puffer fish. You can’t just pick up things because they are pretty. How do you know someone didn’t just walk by and toss it into the crate?”

blue chantrelle 2

Real Blue Chanterelle.

What is wrong with these people? It’s blue. It’s a blue mushroom. And when you get down to it, the question of death is never If but When, and should it be via Wonderland Mushroom, Sister Madly gives you permission for an I Told You So! eulogy.

Admit it, Sister Madly, their hesitation is not unwarranted. You think it was luck that you got the last blue mushroom, but did it occur to you that it was the last mushroom because it was blue and it wasn’t suppose to be?

penblue

Who cares? It’s a blue mushroom. It’s magic.

Magic- yes, it might be just that. You assumed, Sister Madly, that the name was written on the sign, but a slight variance in dialect and your unsupported interpretation of Blue Chanterelle might actually have read Shroom of Doom.

Still, this could be the shroom that puts the fun in fungus.

Be that as it may, Sister Madly, you’ve heard time and again that the Professor’s Significant Other, Mr. Safety,* doesn’t like people to hallucinate in his house.

(approx. 17 such internal and external exchanges edited from this narrative for brevity.)

*Mr. Safety: a worrier known for the lengths he will go to ensure that life is safe, clean and quiet. He also hates skinny jeans.

With a pair of tongs, the Wonderland Mushroom was handed back to Sister Madly, after which the Professors went about scrubbing the countertop as though performing a ritual exorcism. When they asked for the potatoes, she handed them over with a sulk.

“Sister Madly… they’re purple.”

The Professors, for all their faults, have a remarkable grasp of the obvious.

“But they can’t be; Mr. Safety is afraid of purple.”

so-muich-purple

They stated this as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and one look around that house proved this to be true: there wasn’t an ounce of purple anywhere in sight.

Sister Madly didn’t mean to disrupt this little purple-deprived world, but come on. Colors are not to feared; colors are our friends. Some even taste good. Black and white is meant for things like photography and film noir; the real world is meant for purple and blue.

Besides, if they didn’t want purple potatoes, they shouldn’t have sent her to the market unsupervised. Those are the documented risks of nonspecific instructions.

To this day, Sister Madly doesn’t know whether she left the Wonderland Mushroom at the Professor’s house, or whether Mr. Safety & Co. had it secretly removed and incinerated. Mr. Safety also doesn’t like people hallucinating in their own homes- as if that’s any of his business. Sister Madly has every right to hallucinate, indulge in psychosis, or go the full range from bananas to berserk and back again in the privacy of her own home, just like anyone else.

That was the last Wonderland Mushroom.

POST’S THEME SONG: Almost Like the Blues, Leonard Cohen

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37 responses

  1. Suddenly I feel like having tea.

    And Beary took your shroom.

    Like

    January 29, 2015 at 5:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      So, does this mean the mushroom was poisonous after all? I would really hate for the Professors to be right about this one.

      Like

      January 29, 2015 at 3:57 PM

      • My sources say edible and commercially harvested. Damn Bears, if you can eat it, they’ll forage it!

        Liked by 1 person

        January 29, 2015 at 4:28 PM

  2. Matthias

    Another wonderful evening with Sister Madly and her mad desire for purple and blue. Nothing intelligent to say since intelligence is not my forte.

    Liked by 1 person

    January 29, 2015 at 6:35 AM

    • Sister Madly

      No need for us to be cerebral all the time… ;c)

      (On a side note: I hope to reply to your email this weekend. I’m a little backed up on those at the moment.)

      Liked by 1 person

      January 29, 2015 at 3:54 PM

      • Matthias

        I’m honored, Sister Madly. Honored that you would find my email worth your time to send a reply. I am looking forward to your reply.

        Liked by 1 person

        January 29, 2015 at 6:57 PM

      • Matthias

        I sat on the stairs for two days, awaiting your arrival but finally realized you weren’t going to come. I got up with a heavy sadness in my heart, walked up the stairs and back to my apartment. Stood up again by another lovely woman. As I entered my apartment my mind began to be filled with dread, thinking, “Is Sister Madly okay? I hope something terrible didn’t happen to her.” I fell asleep with a combination of feelings flowing through my mind and body. Love and concern.

        Like

        February 2, 2015 at 3:58 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Forgive me- I did not mean to stand you up. I was overwhelmed by several things this weekend that just could not be helped. The least I could have done was let you know that my response was going to be delayed- it was inconsiderate of me not to do so. I apologize.

          I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten about you and I fully intend to respond to your message. You touched on a few things that I’ve had to think over

          Liked by 1 person

          February 2, 2015 at 9:39 PM

        • Matthias

          Aww, all is forgiven. I could never be upset with Sister Madly. I figured your time was taken up elsewhere. I’m simply happy that you doing fine and all is well. Take your time to think about those few things. I am looking forward to your reply. Thank you for letting me know that you are okay.

          Liked by 1 person

          February 2, 2015 at 9:47 PM

  3. “…the shroom that puts the fun in fungus.” This line is the funniest thing I’ve read all day long. It was the cause of the Italian roasted coffee which ran from my nose. Very funny. Very god damned funny. Thanks for the smiles.

    Liked by 2 people

    January 29, 2015 at 2:31 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Thanks for the image! I suppose I owe you a coffee now.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 29, 2015 at 3:59 PM

  4. I think we’re even.

    Liked by 1 person

    January 29, 2015 at 4:07 PM

  5. You know, I do like the taste of mushrooms in a lot of dishes, but picking them out even from the grocery store seems beyond me.

    Like

    January 29, 2015 at 10:56 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I usually go for the pre-packaged ones myself for the same reason. But this one was blue, and… I just couldn’t resist.

      Like

      January 30, 2015 at 12:24 PM

  6. ~meredith

    which begs the question… do we test Sister Madly’e recipes on unwelcomed guests who show up at dinnertime more than once in awhile?

    Like

    January 30, 2015 at 6:49 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Yes. That is the purpose of unwelcome guests.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 30, 2015 at 12:25 PM

  7. I too like my lunch color-coordinated. And, big kitties notwithstanding, I think that it is quite sensible to go into the woods to eat the odd fungi growing from rotted logs or up through bear droppings or whatever – the urban corollary being to forage the large, metallic bargain bin in the alley behind the restaurant or grocery. I think the Professors have this one wrong.

    Like

    January 30, 2015 at 9:24 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you. We need more advocates of colorful fungi.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 30, 2015 at 12:29 PM

  8. ~meredith

    😀

    Like

    January 30, 2015 at 12:28 PM

  9. Cnawan Fahey

    Lactarius Indigo: Blue. Edible. George Carlin has something to say about this:

    Like

    January 30, 2015 at 7:37 PM

    • Sister Madly

      This leads me to believe my friends stole the shroom BECAUSE it holds the secret to eternal life, rather than any concern of poison.

      So, should any of them outlive me by 67 minutes, you will know the reason why.

      Like

      January 31, 2015 at 2:34 AM

      • Cnawan Fahey

        No doubt it was an underhanded ploy on their part. But even if they escape all forms of “accidental” deaths and do succeed in outliving you, think how drear their lives will be in your absence.

        Like

        January 31, 2015 at 7:51 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Hm… ‘accidents’ do happen…

          Like

          January 31, 2015 at 10:53 AM

  10. In the dark and dank places grow the mushrooms, and there grow other things as well. It is good that your palate is thus predisposed. Though you will lose your affection for color.

    Like

    January 30, 2015 at 10:14 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Will never happen; all the dark does is make one stumble, trip and run into walls. At least in the light, one can appreciate the color of the wall even as they slip into unconsciousness…

      Mushrooms may grow in the dark, but they are purchased in the light.

      Like

      January 31, 2015 at 2:52 AM

      • What is grown in the dark reaches deep into the dark, and carries the dark. Its spores spawn in the dark.

        Like

        January 31, 2015 at 9:30 AM

        • Sister Madly

          I commend my soul to anyone who can find it…

          … and you can’t find things in the dark.

          Like

          January 31, 2015 at 11:59 AM

  11. I’ve never seen a blue mushroom and am equally intrigued 😉
    Wonder if it gives one a lift in spirits after ingesting it….LOL! I will now pay extra attention to the mushrooms in the stores 😀 We do have purple potatoes!!

    Like

    January 31, 2015 at 4:02 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Actually, I was hoping that the mushroom would make me grow a little taller, like it did for Alice- but not so tall that I end up wearing the house. That would be embarrassing.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 31, 2015 at 10:52 AM

      • LOL!! As always, you never fail to put laughter in my dreary life 😀
        Have a great Sunday hunting for more blue or purple mushrooms (perhaps?! We may never know it exists!)

        Liked by 1 person

        January 31, 2015 at 4:50 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Mushrooms should come in all colors!!

          Liked by 1 person

          January 31, 2015 at 5:03 PM

  12. LOL, I love mushrooms. No one will touch them in this house. Everything must be carefully examined for hidden mushrooms. People are terrified I’m going to sneak a mushroom into something.

    Purple potatoes are kind of fun, but I think I prefer the white ones.

    Like

    January 31, 2015 at 2:51 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I don’t understand people’s distaste for mushrooms. What’s so disturbing about eating a fungus?

      Liked by 1 person

      January 31, 2015 at 3:50 PM

  13. Singing with your posts theme song … dreaming of mushrooms …it’s the middle of the night here …xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    February 3, 2015 at 12:07 AM

    • Sister Madly

      That’s my song of the moment. T’was nighttime here as well, when you posted, but not necessarily quiet- it was around midnight that I heard someone on the street playing a singing bowl…

      Like

      February 3, 2015 at 4:11 PM

  14. Fabulous! I ain’t got nothin’ but the blues [in a good way] after reading this…

    Liked by 1 person

    February 22, 2015 at 3:40 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!! Blue is such an awesome color and should be associated with positive things- like mushrooms and happiness! ;c)

      Liked by 1 person

      February 22, 2015 at 4:44 PM

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