Penny Pinching Ice ~ It’s All About the Loopholes

Sister Madly often looks upon someone who is traveling with a bit of resentment, as though they are leaving her behind. She will even go so far as to take it personally.

take me with you

But not always.

According to some sources, a vacation is a period of time that is devoted to travel, recreation, and relaxation. If one embraces this definition, it becomes evident that Sister Madly has not had a real vacation in years.

Allow her to break it down for you:

  • Travel: yes, often extensive and through questionable territory. Sometimes on foot. With pursuers.
  • Recreation: yes, but at her expense. Always.
  • Relaxation: absolutely out of the question. It is difficult to relax when you are the source of the ‘recreation.’

campingThere should be nothing more delightful than a vacation with friends, but for Sister Madly, that is often not the case. Her particular circle has an uncanny ability to ensure that these excursions contain just enough detail to make the whole thing inconvenient.

Of course, some travel woes are entirely her fault (You say you’re going camping in the mountains, Sister Madly? Sure, the ski resorts are still open, but no doubt YOU will be all warm and toasty in that little pup tent with all the holes and no tarp. That’s not snow; the mountain is naturally white. Has been since the beginning of time.)

As for others…

One such trip was planned over the summer, and held such promise that Sister Madly was actually looking forward to it: all that was expected of her was the provision of ice for the cooler. It seemed more than fair, if not too good to be true.

Oh yes, it was too good to be true, for on the night before they were to leave, one of the Professors handed her a stack of ice cube trays.

“For the ice, Sister Madly. You said you’d do it.”

nice blimps

Wait. Is Sister Madly to assume that she is to make the ice for the cooler? That thing is the scale model of a zeppelin! It’s no wonder, then, that this was the only task demanded of her. It would require all her free time babysitting the freezer when she could be out stealing garden gnomes or pulling the wings off butterflies. She’d rather perform liturgical dance to the Miami Vice soundtrack than waste a perfectly good Friday night making ice.

“You can do them both simultaneously.”

She was then reprimanded for procrastinating, and sent on home like a naughty child.

Loopholes, Sister Madly; it’s all about the loopholes. It can hardly be called ‘procrastination’ if you have no intention of doing it in the first place; that’s called noncompliance, and the Professor said absolutely nothing about noncompliance. You were merely told not to procrastinate. Just buy some ice first thing tomorrow, find a way to survive the weekend, and you can get back to your bleak, meaningless life come Monday morning.

The Horror King

She briefly entertained the idea of purchasing dry ice, delighting in visions of the Professors retreating while the fog spilled from the cooler. Sure, it’s all fun and games, Sister Madly, until Vincent Price rises out of the mist, and you’ve seen enough of his movies to know what happens next.

Real ice. It’s safer for everyone involved.

The Professor, by all accounts, seemed utterly perplexed that Sister Madly had spent money on something that could have been obtained for free.* Having just spent the evening looking up Victorian-Era Post Mortem pictures on the internet (which resulted in a severe case of selective nocturnalness) a groggy Sister Madly was only able to offer up this explanation:

She forgot the recipe.

*This particular Professor is a notorious penny pincher.

ice water

PENNY PINCHING ICE

  • Liquid Dihydrogen monoxide (thawed if in solid form)*
  • Ice Cube tray
  • Device that generates sub-freezing temperatures, such as a refrigeration system, a mountain peak, or Northern Michigan

Pour liquid dihydrogen monoxide into ice cube tray- do not overfill.
Place ice cube tray into sub-freezing generating device.
Wait.

*Some folks call this water, the pretentious fops.

POST’S THEME SONG: Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (like you didn’t see that coming)

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35 responses

  1. ** I presume said professor also throws nickels around like man hole covers?

    Like

    January 15, 2015 at 5:34 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I’d say that’s pretty accurate, although this Professor is quite generous with bay leaves. Always seems to be handing me bags full of bay leaves.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 15, 2015 at 3:05 PM

      • Hmmmmm, might have to get Beary to have a word with said professor.

        Find out if the Prof is a George Carlin follower. Said professor may be making a completely out of line statement.

        I heard Carlin say when you run out of deodorant you can put a Bay Leaf under each arm. Doesn’t stop you from perspiring but you smell like soup.

        This leads to a whole set of other questions regarding said professors reasoning if there is reasoning at all!

        Like

        January 15, 2015 at 4:15 PM

        • Sister Madly

          HA!

          The Professor is a fan of coupons and buying things in bulk, which I believe is the source of the bay leaves.

          Bay leaves are said to be associated with protection and psychic powers in pagan rituals… ought to start carrying those things around..

          Liked by 2 people

          January 15, 2015 at 4:58 PM

  2. Love this!!

    Like

    January 15, 2015 at 5:56 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!! 😀

      Like

      January 15, 2015 at 2:55 PM

  3. I love this, a much needed laugh for my morning!

    Like

    January 15, 2015 at 6:48 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you! May you have many more laughs in the coming days! ;c)

      Like

      January 15, 2015 at 2:52 PM

  4. I’m singing out to you sister madly for you are amazing , funny and rather dear ! ” liturgical dance to the Miami Vice soundtrack , LOL and your theme song , I didn’t see that coming … You always are a wonderful surprise …hugs ( warm ones )

    Like

    January 16, 2015 at 4:10 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, thank you!!! I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

      And I always take hugs :c) Thank you.

      Like

      January 16, 2015 at 12:01 PM

  5. Heartafire

    This is timely, my ice maker broke yesterday! 🙂

    Like

    January 16, 2015 at 12:51 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Indeed, there are no coincidences!

      Liked by 1 person

      January 16, 2015 at 1:01 PM

  6. The next time we can go camping, I’ll bring the Liquid Dihydrogen monoxide, you just bring the blimp.

    Liked by 1 person

    January 16, 2015 at 4:01 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I shall arrive by blimp! Shouldn’t be too hard to navigate, aye?

      Liked by 1 person

      January 16, 2015 at 4:20 PM

      • Oh, well, you know… I AM the reason we can’t have nice blimps and why we don’t go camping often

        Liked by 1 person

        January 16, 2015 at 4:44 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Well, then you bring the back up, recovery vehicle and absolutely NO sharp, pointy objects.

          Unless you ground these majestic airships by some other means…?

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:04 PM

        • How about a hovercraft? We never get to use the hovercraft. And as far as the pointy things go, you know I only carry a bowling ball… And yes that’s enough to ground them. At least on a good night, when the wind is blowing my way (of course).

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:19 PM

        • What’s wrong with us??? Oh, yeah. We need a vacation. Times wasting…Grab your things.

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:24 PM

        • Sister Madly

          There is nothing wrong with US- it is THEM! And the dread of February… February is evil. There is a reason it is a shortest month.

          But that won’t stop me from vacationing now! I’m packing!

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:41 PM

        • Yeah, you’re right. Feb. sucks balls. That’s why it has the shitty holidays, like Valentine’s Day (if you’re Roman Catholic or Jewish).

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:47 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Am neither, but that doesn’t stop the holidays from coming. I’ve tried.

          Fortunately, most young lovers seem to avoid the pub on Feb 14, which makes it much more tolerable.

          Like

          January 16, 2015 at 5:57 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Hovercraft?! YES! Screw the zeppelin- let us hovercraft across the world! We’ll even stop at random bowling alleys if need be (it’s been a while since I’ve played, but what the hell- I could use some new, fashionable shoes)

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:38 PM

        • Sounds good, but we’ll need matching satin-like shirts. Maybe onesies — think “Jesus” in The Big Lebowski. And cider, beer, rum, whiskey, scotch, money (think bail)… Oh, the glorious list. I just love last minute road/water/air trips. Since the zeppelin can be deflated, can we bring it anyways? I love to float while I’m drinking (think Archer).

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:44 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I hear those zeppelins pack up small… which is good, since I drive a smart car. Indeed, i will bring in anyway- and some parachutes, just in case.

          (We will don the parachutes prior to any and all alcohol consumption- just in case…)

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 5:53 PM

  7. Even in bowling allies, while wearing our onesies and fucking awesome shoes (which we will steal, then continue to wear around the world). And just for the record, in the past, I fell off a curb and would have liked a parachute. P.S. We’ll also need lots of jazz. Like a good blanket, I just can’t sleep without it…

    Liked by 1 person

    January 16, 2015 at 5:59 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Jazz is, and will always be, welcome- regardless of footwear.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 16, 2015 at 6:03 PM

      • Elf shoes? Ballet slippers? Tiny wraps for size 1 concubine’s feet? — Regardless of footwear.

        Liked by 1 person

        January 16, 2015 at 6:10 PM

        • Sister Madly

          Indeed, all the above, including the slick-soled, multi-colored atrocities pilfered from local bowling alleys. Style- it’s all about style…

          Liked by 1 person

          January 16, 2015 at 6:22 PM

  8. As to your comment on why Feb 14th is ok on “V-day”… Yeah they do tend to stay away, but for those who don’t, that’s what roofies are for. Alright, that crossed the line. (Why don’t I get dates…?)

    Liked by 1 person

    January 16, 2015 at 6:08 PM

    • Sister Madly

      HA!

      I think we are in the same boat!

      Like

      January 16, 2015 at 6:20 PM

  9. You mean hovercraft, don’t you?

    Liked by 1 person

    January 16, 2015 at 7:30 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Of course! How silly of me- I got a head start on the Friday Night Cider (and such..)

      Liked by 1 person

      January 16, 2015 at 7:41 PM

  10. Any particularly interesting post-mortem pictures?

    Like

    January 18, 2015 at 8:34 AM

    • Sister Madly

      They are all interesting in a creepy sort of way- especially the ones where they try to make the dead person look alive.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 18, 2015 at 10:55 AM

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