Penny Pinching Ice ~ It’s All About the Loopholes
Sister Madly often looks upon someone who is traveling with a bit of resentment, as though they are leaving her behind. She will even go so far as to take it personally.
But not always.
According to some sources, a vacation is a period of time that is devoted to travel, recreation, and relaxation. If one embraces this definition, it becomes evident that Sister Madly has not had a real vacation in years.
Allow her to break it down for you:
- Travel: yes, often extensive and through questionable territory. Sometimes on foot. With pursuers.
- Recreation: yes, but at her expense. Always.
- Relaxation: absolutely out of the question. It is difficult to relax when you are the source of the ‘recreation.’
There should be nothing more delightful than a vacation with friends, but for Sister Madly, that is often not the case. Her particular circle has an uncanny ability to ensure that these excursions contain just enough detail to make the whole thing inconvenient.
Of course, some travel woes are entirely her fault (You say you’re going camping in the mountains, Sister Madly? Sure, the ski resorts are still open, but no doubt YOU will be all warm and toasty in that little pup tent with all the holes and no tarp. That’s not snow; the mountain is naturally white. Has been since the beginning of time.)
As for others…
One such trip was planned over the summer, and held such promise that Sister Madly was actually looking forward to it: all that was expected of her was the provision of ice for the cooler. It seemed more than fair, if not too good to be true.
Oh yes, it was too good to be true, for on the night before they were to leave, one of the Professors handed her a stack of ice cube trays.
“For the ice, Sister Madly. You said you’d do it.”
Wait. Is Sister Madly to assume that she is to make the ice for the cooler? That thing is the scale model of a zeppelin! It’s no wonder, then, that this was the only task demanded of her. It would require all her free time babysitting the freezer when she could be out stealing garden gnomes or pulling the wings off butterflies. She’d rather perform liturgical dance to the Miami Vice soundtrack than waste a perfectly good Friday night making ice.
“You can do them both simultaneously.”
She was then reprimanded for procrastinating, and sent on home like a naughty child.
Loopholes, Sister Madly; it’s all about the loopholes. It can hardly be called ‘procrastination’ if you have no intention of doing it in the first place; that’s called noncompliance, and the Professor said absolutely nothing about noncompliance. You were merely told not to procrastinate. Just buy some ice first thing tomorrow, find a way to survive the weekend, and you can get back to your bleak, meaningless life come Monday morning.
She briefly entertained the idea of purchasing dry ice, delighting in visions of the Professors retreating while the fog spilled from the cooler. Sure, it’s all fun and games, Sister Madly, until Vincent Price rises out of the mist, and you’ve seen enough of his movies to know what happens next.
Real ice. It’s safer for everyone involved.
The Professor, by all accounts, seemed utterly perplexed that Sister Madly had spent money on something that could have been obtained for free.* Having just spent the evening looking up Victorian-Era Post Mortem pictures on the internet (which resulted in a severe case of selective nocturnalness) a groggy Sister Madly was only able to offer up this explanation:
She forgot the recipe.
*This particular Professor is a notorious penny pincher.
PENNY PINCHING ICE
- Liquid Dihydrogen monoxide (thawed if in solid form)*
- Ice Cube tray
- Device that generates sub-freezing temperatures, such as a refrigeration system, a mountain peak, or Northern Michigan
Pour liquid dihydrogen monoxide into ice cube tray- do not overfill.
Place ice cube tray into sub-freezing generating device.
*Some folks call this water, the pretentious fops.
POST’S THEME SONG: Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice (like you didn’t see that coming)