Where the Lights Won’t Shine
The Professors seem to be under the impression that Sister Madly is constantly wandering off, getting lost, getting into trouble, or getting mixed up with psychopaths- in other words, completely incapable of taking care of herself. This is patently untrue; Sister Madly never wanders off- it is always deliberate.
She had a good reason this time: she dropped her keys in the toothpaste bush*, and wasted a few precious moments in their recovery.
*A bush that has an overbearing scent of mint and rosemary, despite the fact that it is made up of neither mint nor rosemary.
Well, they said. That was weird.
Oh, no. Nothing good ever seems to come from that phrase when these turkeys are involved. Unfortunately, Sister Madly couldn’t come up of anything that would be considered unusual even by the Professors’ standards- except that she was running. A typical Sister Madly does not run unless there is something running after her. Or if she just left some zucchini- or some other luxury- on your front porch. ***
(**For your FYI: October 9th was Moldy Cheese Day, in case you were curious about those other ‘luxuries.’ Just be glad that Sister Madly doesn’t know your address.**)
After a quick assessment of the last few minutes, Sister Madly came to the conclusion that this comment had nothing to do with her whatsoever.
But it always does.
What do you mean, what’s weird? Three streetlamps, in a row, went dark just as you approached them- didn’t you notice?
Well, of course she noticed! It’s next to impossible to be anything but aware of the fact that the world has plunged into complete darkness at the exact moment you drop your keys into the toothpaste bush. Sister Madly would have to have been an absolute idiot ten months dead to not have noticed that.
However, what she did not say was that this incident was not her first; in fact, it is something she has experienced now and again throughout her life. And just as she’s about to chalk it up to coincidence, some pattern will emerge that leaves her in awe, such as the time 6 in a row went dark, or the time it was every other light; then, of course, her favorite: a zigzag design down the highway. These were streetlights for the most part, but there has been others here and there- most of which, like the streetlights, turn on automatically once it gets dark and off again with the light.
Therefore, the explanation is a simple one: Sister Madly, at random and without realizing it, turns into a big ball of light.
The question has been broached as to what the
white flibbertigibbet in the above picture is.
Given the aforementioned explanation,
it could very well be Sister Madly.
While not a satisfactory answer, it was the best she could come up with at a moment’s notice. She would like to claim superpowers as much as anyone, but the fact of the matter is that this is not something that Sister Madly can do at will- that, and she’s seen it happen to many other people over the years, including a family member or two. It would be no fun having a superpower that is neither exclusive nor manageable.
Besides, such a talent would be wasted on Sister Madly. She sees no advantage in engulfing the city with momentary darkness one block at a time, not to mention the impractically of having to walk and/or drive past each streetlight in order to carry out this deed. And while it makes sense that she would make the world dark in order to seek vengeance upon the toothpaste bush, up until the moment she lost her keys Sister Madly harbored no ill-will towards the shrubbery.
In the end, that night had little to do with streetlights or the toothpaste bush and more with the fact that Sister Madly could use a narrator in her life, one of those all-knowing, disembodied voices who only meddles when called upon. You see, Sister Madly lives inside her head most of the time, so when she chooses to be out with her friends, goofy though they may be, it’s because she wants a break from herself. She doesn’t want anyone trying to get back in her head after she’s worked so hard to get out. A narrator could save her a whole lot of annoyance, and possibly even be able to explain the streetlight occurrence, which would be a bonus.
Of course, this isn’t always the case; there are moments when Sister Madly engages in meaningful conversation and actually enjoys people; this was just not one of those times.
POST’S THEME SONG: Where the Lights Won’t Shine, Psyched Up Janis