The Dead Smile Forever

Perhaps it is narrow-minded assumption, but Sister Madly is of the opinion that a café which claims to be ‘Classic Americana’ should not be known for its Borscht.

Nor should it be called EAT.

EAT2

Over the weekend, Sister Madly and the Professors ventured out to the countryside where the alpacas and wheat threshers freely roam, all in an attempt to find some color, maybe a waterfall, something that proved their autumn was to be more than a plague of stink bugs. Somewhere along the way, the Professors decided that they wanted iced tea- which, by the way, is code for wanting to play video poker, although they have yet to admit this. While the Professors have gotten Sister Madly to admit to a great deal of awkwardness, she has yet to achieve this same level of federal interrogation. Probably because she already knows the answer- or just doesn’t care.

But of all the Borscht joints, in all the towns, in all the world…

It wasn’t long after that the caravan happened upon a little shanty that looked as though it had been recently regurgitated- in fact, it looked like a lovely place to be murdered. If only it had a different name, as it would be terribly disappointing to be found murdered at a place called EAT. What grease is spared on the food was used to shine the floor, and approaching the counter was achieved through a painstaking ritual of geisha-shuffling and the occasional acrobatics. Sister Madly should have been amused by the fact that she could trace her name into the countertop.

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You’re going to die here, aren’t you, Sister Madly? The Professors brought you here to die. This whole iced tea thing was a ruse- they brought here to die because you didn’t want to play Settlers of Catan last week. They brought you here to die because you refused to partake in their latest SEES Experiment, going so far as to slip out the back door when they weren’t looking. They didn’t like that very much.

At the counter was a surly ol‘ fella, looking as though they had just interrupted a fabulous coronary. His employer, no doubt, was of a most progressive mindset, as smiling appeared to be the only requirement for employment at EAT- whether or not you have teeth.

“Pick your poison.”

There‘s your proof, Sister Madly; at least you get to choose your method of involuntary disposal, even though it is cleverly disguised as customer service. He only has a spatula within reach, so if he‘s going to take you out with violence, it‘s not going to be for a few minutes anyhow. Might as well extend what’s left of your life by not consuming anything here at EAT, and who knows? You just might make it out alive. Should you get thirsty, there is that puddle out in the parking lot. At least it has a pretty rainbow from the oil slick.

The Professors, however, didn’t seem to mind the squalid conditions of EAT, nor did they seem to be in any hurry to leave- and perhaps none of this would have mattered, had not one of the Professors sat at the table ahead of the rest. You see, Sister Madly is quite use to sitting with her right side to the wall- the universe makes a little more sense when she does: there is peace, harmony, serenity and other beautiful words, all of which she is willing to embrace when her right side is to the wall.

vintage-WTF-nimporte-quoi-ancien-55

So when the Professor took that place first, Sister Madly was at a total loss.

Instead of trying to explain the particulars of this latest cosmic rift- and having just doodled her name in the grease on the tabletop- Sister Madly decided to liven things up by washing her hands. Besides, if she was going to die in this place, she’d rather it be by a method that inspires sonnets, such as hideous dismemberment or strangulation, not by spontaneously combusting due to sitting with her left side to the wall.

Now, Sister Madly has been wrong a few times in her life, you all know that, but she was fairly certain that things couldn’t get much worse at EAT than what she had already encountered. That was before the washroom, and the less said about that, the better. Let’s just say, she knows where all the slaughtering takes place.

During her attempt to wash her hands without touching anything, which was no small feat, Sister Madly almost missed this little gem written across the mirror:

021

Forget the rules, if it makes you happy.

If that just doesn’t give every Mobile Slaughterer permission to carry out his trade.

Then again, who is Sister Madly to argue with the wisdom of lipstick poetry?

And who is Sister Madly not to have the last laugh if she can help it?

032

Le Sourire Mort Pour Toujours

If she’s going to die in that washroom, she wants every Mobile Slaughterer to know that her smile will be haunting them ever after.

She wants you to know that, too.

POST’S THEME SONG: Mack the Knife, Nick Cave

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37 responses

  1. Cnawan Fahey

    Brilliant

    Like

    October 9, 2014 at 6:56 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I knew that lipstick would come in handy!

      Liked by 1 person

      October 9, 2014 at 3:13 PM

  2. Beautiful, I loved it. I actually carry crime scene tape in my trunk for this very purpose. Sometimes you just want to ask people, is Norman Bates around? How about his mother, is she in today?

    Liked by 1 person

    October 9, 2014 at 8:20 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Mother isn’t quite herself today…

      Liked by 1 person

      October 9, 2014 at 2:58 PM

  3. Eh, Eat? Just a wannabe. The best places are far out in the desert with signs like, “Eat Here Get Gas.” Those dropped commas are killers. Those places are the real deal, especially when their gas pumps haven’t been used in a decade.

    Like

    October 9, 2014 at 8:34 AM

    • Sister Madly

      EAT- it does sound rather barbaric. Wish I had your insight then.
      I’ve always wanted to explore those desert places- at least they can form complete sentences, even if the punctuation leaves something to be desired.

      Like

      October 9, 2014 at 2:56 PM

  4. My life has been greatly influenced the teevee show The Twilight Zone. Implausible though it may be, there are some who think the show was fictional.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 9, 2014 at 9:20 AM

    • Sister Madly

      I absolutely believe that the Twilight Zone was real- even if Rod Serling had no upper lip.

      Liked by 1 person

      October 9, 2014 at 2:40 PM

      • The lip was likely a consequence of a particular sort of (classified) abduction. I’m sure it isn’t necessary, SM, to remind you of something we learned from TZ, but never, EVER use the little fortune-telling machine sometimes found at a booth in a place like EAT. Never.

        Liked by 1 person

        October 10, 2014 at 7:26 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Luckily, we did not sit at the Fortune Teller’s Booth, for I might have been tempted to see what he had to say- except that it would probably cost about $0.25 after inflation, and I need to save my quarters for laundry.
          And now William Shatner’s rendition of ‘Common People’ is stuck in my head…

          Liked by 2 people

          October 10, 2014 at 11:11 AM

        • Please forgive me.

          Liked by 1 person

          October 10, 2014 at 11:37 AM

  5. SEES this deary and smile smile smile

    Like

    October 9, 2014 at 10:51 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, Sweeney Todd- one can’t help but smile.

      Liked by 1 person

      October 9, 2014 at 2:43 PM

  6. Another snippet of life to make all your fans so fearful. It’s interesting that Sister Madly and her murderer use the same lipstick.

    Like

    October 9, 2014 at 5:33 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Believe it or not, they are 2 completely different shades. Just chalk it up to Sister Madly’s questionable photography skills.
      Besides, she doesn’t wear lipstick- she just carries some around for just such an occasion.

      Like

      October 9, 2014 at 6:41 PM

  7. Superb setting for a future Hitchcock thriller! Pray tell if you did indeed eat anything *shudder* at EAT?! Brilliant description as I found self with you there 🙂

    Like

    October 11, 2014 at 9:06 PM

    • Sister Madly

      While I love Hitchcock, I would prefer not to star in any of his films. The stars do not seem to have happy lives.
      No, I did not consume anything at EAT, although I did breathe in the air as that was unavoidable. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      October 11, 2014 at 9:34 PM

  8. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause; there’s the respect That makes calamity of so long life.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 11, 2014 at 10:48 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Should I ever find myself in that position again, I’ll write this instead.
      But not at EAT. EAT is unworthy.

      Liked by 1 person

      October 12, 2014 at 9:14 AM

  9. I think I love you, and your lipstick.

    Like

    October 13, 2014 at 9:56 AM

    • Sister Madly

      😀 Lipstick was meant to be shared (which can be interpreted in so many different ways…)

      Liked by 1 person

      October 13, 2014 at 11:39 AM

  10. Thank you for stopping by, and leaving breadcrumbs. I enjoyed reading. 🙂

    Like

    October 13, 2014 at 9:57 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you! I enjoyed your poetry!

      Liked by 1 person

      October 13, 2014 at 11:38 AM

  11. dara40

    Your stories are so vivid. I could see the diner, the surly man, the toothless employees handing over the greasy plates of food (if one could call it food). Great story.

    Like

    October 15, 2014 at 1:41 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I feel your description there was much more vivid- and scarier! I am never going back to EAT now! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      October 15, 2014 at 1:50 PM

  12. BradleyRated

    I just fell in love with your writing style. Excited to read more.

    Like

    October 15, 2014 at 3:43 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Why, thank you!! That means a lot.

      I enjoyed your site- love the photos!

      Like

      October 15, 2014 at 5:34 PM

      • BradleyRated

        Why, thank YOU:)

        Like

        October 15, 2014 at 5:37 PM

  13. That was fun.

    Like

    October 15, 2014 at 6:51 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

      October 15, 2014 at 11:54 PM

  14. Death is simply another erotic outlet, though commandered by the wealthy long ago, it still has its place among the masses. Smiles…>KB

    Like

    October 29, 2014 at 11:00 AM

    • Sister Madly

      We are most fortunate that Death does not discriminate. 🙂

      Like

      October 29, 2014 at 5:16 PM

      • Oh but it does–it only takes those that die. The rest it leaves to suffer. Smiles…>KB

        Liked by 1 person

        October 30, 2014 at 2:07 AM

  15. I’m wondering if this could be the same restaurant that Ruthie Root Beer, one of my favorite characters, visited once:

    Ruthie rubbed her belly so sensuously displayed, immaculately gorgeous, magnificently hungry ~ and entered a small cafe called nothing but, “EAT”…

    My hunch is it’s a different restaurant some place else called the same thing. But you never know:

    Inside she happily found Eternity seated at a table drinking coffee…

    And the chapter goes on and on and on. These “EAT” restaurant episodes seem to be never-ending and yet ~ such captivating reads ~ but only if you got the time:

    http://roadprincess.yolasite.com/chapter-5.php

    Please forgive my presumptuousness. But I think that if you read alllllll the way to the end of chapter five, you will not end up dead but, yes, smiling forever!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    January 12, 2016 at 12:44 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I believe that all EAT’s are merely portals to the Grand Lodge of EAT’s located somewhere in the Twilight Zone.

      (And I did read until the end, and you’re right- not dead. Am smilin’! ;c) )

      Liked by 1 person

      January 12, 2016 at 3:26 PM

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