One Fell Short of the Dodo’s Nest

Sister Madly does not need to be baptized- she needs to be exorcised.

It was a day like any other when a benevolent Sister Madly volunteered to participate in the ‘Drench a Wench/Soak a Bloke’ charity event at the Faire; she is, after all, in full support of finding a cure for cancer… or rescuing cats from the streets… or marketing a new potato salad… Whatever charity was to benefit from the event, she was probably in full support of it. Probably.

60b0a5ddd2961eff4d4027b96ef42924

The rules were simple: for $5 a charitable fella received 5 sponges to fling at a group of women, and those hit by the sponge bestowed upon the charitable fella his choice of either a handshake, a hug, or a kiss. Take a guess which one the charitable fellas were more inclined to choose.

Fortunately, Sister Madly was supplied with lipstick so bright it could be seen from another planet.

After the novelty of bestowing kisses upon those who threw sponges at her face wore off, Sister Madly began planning her exit. There were enough women remaining who enjoyed this type of abuse that her absence would probably go unnoticed- or so she thought. What she hadn’t anticipated was the new crowd now gathering at the foot of the stage, a crowd that was too familiar for comfort. Suddenly, Sister Madly remembered how the word retribution had been uttered to her after having the Dodo arrested…

And to think that only a moment ago, she hadn’t a care in the world.

dum dums

It wasn’t long after that the bailiff announced that he had a warrant for her arrest for the Distribution of a Controlled SubstanceYes, Sister Madly had been caught trafficking Dum Dums- and to a minor, no less.

Earlier that day, Sister Madly had endured the usual Dum Dum assault, which Skeksis seemed to relish more so than normal. This all took place in front of a young Viking Tot who, upon seeing the candy but unable to reach it, began to cry. No, bawl. Wail. Wail as no barbarian has ever wailed before. A wail that summoned every available Orca to the nearest shoreline. A wail that left no doubt in anyone’s mind that Sister Madly was a greedy little vixen who had stolen the Viking Tot’s candy.

Take the Dum Dum, kid- take it! Take them all!

Oh, Skeksis- you planned this whole thing, didn’t you? You set her up.

And with that revelation, Sister Madly lunged at the Dodo, taking a flying leap from the stage- and into a pile of soggy, spent tomatoes.*

(*From Tomato Justice, where you pay money for some cheeky creature to insult you, and you seek justice by throwing tomatoes at him.)

At least it’s not Riverdance —

1324316240_cat_jumps_off_balcony_ledge

You’re right, Sister Madly: that wasn’t Riverdance. By a long shot.

And now you’re charged with assault as well.

Her response was typical of the situation, grunting like a primordial beast on the verge of discovering fire; even the tomato she tried to throw in his direction merely hung in mid-air before landing on her shoulder and splattering across her cheek. Face it, Lady Marinara: the only thing you have ever successfully thrown was a tantrum.

Doing her best to appear undaunted after her whole ‘Face in the Compost Pile’ incident, Sister Madly crawled out of the tomato heap and, much to their surprise, took off running. The arresting officers did nothing but stare after her, as apparently ‘Resisting Arrest’ had not been invented yet.

It wasn’t until few hours and a pint of something later that Sister Madly was able to track down the Dodo. After a liberal application of atomic lipstick, she lunged at him once again with the same ol’ battle cry:

At least it’s not Riverdance —

Dodonest

And Sister Madly plowed right on past the Old Bird and into a bush.

The gods do not approve of this inept revenge sequence, Sister Madly. Nor do they offer you any sympathy. You do realize, don’t you, that you started this whole thing with your appalling lack of knowledge concerning certain events of the Medieval era? Karma, Sister Madly, karma: first, you belly-flop off a stage in front of hundreds of people, then you throw a tomato at yourself, then you round out the attack by torpedoing right past the Dodo and into a bush.

Perhaps your stealth is not what you assume it to be.

POST’S THEME SONG: Kiss Them for Me, Siouxsie and the Banshees

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32 responses

  1. Cnawan Fahey

    I’m going to go chop onions now, for I feel like crying for poor, hapless, Sister Madly.

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 6:53 AM

    • Sister Madly

      If you have to chop onions to make yourself cry, then your sympathy sounds suspiciously insincere…

      Liked by 1 person

      September 25, 2014 at 2:00 PM

      • Cnawan Fahey

        I have always admired Sister Madly’s insight into the human psyche.

        Liked by 2 people

        September 27, 2014 at 5:28 PM

  2. You hooked me from the first sentence!

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 6:56 AM

    • Sister Madly

      😀 Thank you!
      Unfortunately, the ritual has yet to be performed.

      Like

      September 25, 2014 at 2:06 PM

  3. I would take the hug. A hug sounds good.

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 7:21 AM

    • Sister Madly

      And a hug I would give! 🙂

      Like

      September 25, 2014 at 2:10 PM

  4. Seems to me like it was more a.s.s. over tea kettle than assault … tagged under darkness huh … I can do that!

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 7:34 AM

    • I wasn’t quite sure what to leave you and searched the depths of what I call a mind, AKA the twisty abyss or is it twisted? Any how I think this will work quite nicely for this trip around. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISX-0uvTW9Y

      Like

      September 25, 2014 at 1:01 PM

      • Sister Madly

        I think you’ve found the alternative theme song.

        Twisty, twisted- I believe one is the cause, and the other, the effect.

        Liked by 1 person

        September 25, 2014 at 2:48 PM

        • You are welcome to keep the ear worm … as for the 45, put it down and back slowly away … dancing professors scare the bejeebers out of me!

          Liked by 1 person

          September 26, 2014 at 4:37 AM

    • Sister Madly

      The tag was probably suppose to be ‘dark’ rather than ‘darkness’- oh well. It was late.

      Like

      September 25, 2014 at 2:12 PM

  5. You had me at exorcism. I think that you’d agree that in our time exorcism has become an unappreciated modality. I think it’s a good idea. But, a word of caution – I’ve found that it’s best to stay away from the ones you find on ebay.

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 9:40 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh? Have you had bad experiences with Ebay Exorcisms? 😉
      Now there’s a business venture to consider!

      Liked by 1 person

      September 25, 2014 at 2:28 PM

      • Let’s just say that I’m down $35 and still not demon-free.

        Like

        September 26, 2014 at 9:28 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Liked by 3 people

          September 26, 2014 at 10:53 AM

  6. This comment is completely unrelated to this here fantastic piece of lunacy, though perhaps it is not. Sleep deprivation is a tricky devil.

    A treat for you, inspired by your post from last week. Feel free to repost, rewrite or add to it.

    It must be read while listening to:

    Odd Couple by The Dirty Three

    Sister Madly and the Bad Kitty

    Wide eyed, alone in the dark
    The silence of morning before the day starts
    Under the covers, you’re still as the dead
    ‘Cause shadow kitty just jumped on the bed
    And you don’t have any pets

    Sister Madly
    Go to sleep
    The shadow kitty
    Doesn’t dream

    Sister Madly
    Listen please
    It’s 2:20 am
    Just go to sleep

    Wide awake while the rest of us sleep
    Restless and haunted in shadows and sheets
    It feels so unfair to be left all alone
    In silence and darkness and rattling bones

    Sister Madly
    Go to sleep
    The shadow kitty
    Doesn’t dream

    Sister Madly
    Listen please
    It’s 2 am
    The city’s asleep

    Oh what was that noise, what was that movement
    What’s living behind the mysterious black veil
    Asleep it’s so fluid, awake it’s congruent
    Move

    Slip from bed, on your feet, grab your keys
    So much silence while the world is asleep
    Panic button on the keys
    What does it mean…
    Press it and see

    BAM. Slam! Damn. It commands.
    The whole world screams
    The whole world lands
    In your lap

    Now you know…

    Sister Madly
    Go to sleep
    The shadow kitty
    Wants to eat
    It needs to feed
    On tasty dreams
    So go to sleep
    And it will leave
    You in peace

    Sister Madly
    Listen please
    This lullaby
    Will dance in time
    Just sing along
    And drift on by
    And all of life
    Will sink behind
    Your lovely eyes

    La dee da duuuu
    Doh raaaay deeee
    Leee du da bluuuu
    Go to sleep

    Liked by 1 person

    September 25, 2014 at 11:30 AM

    • Sister Madly

      That is AWESOME- I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome it is! I will definitely repost it one day- thank you! I am honored and humbled- whatever nightmare I encounter tonight as a result will (probably) be worth it. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      September 25, 2014 at 2:34 PM

  7. dara40

    “trafficking dum dums”. Too funny!

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 12:03 PM

    • Sister Madly

      😀 It was always my dream to be a candy pusher…

      Like

      September 25, 2014 at 2:39 PM

  8. locksley2010

    Oh….. I do look so forward to your posts. I take it you escaped and took care of your pride?

    Like

    September 25, 2014 at 12:17 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!!
      Is it possible to ‘escape’ from a potential threat or danger that is not pursuing you? Let’s just say I got away that time around.

      Liked by 1 person

      September 25, 2014 at 2:45 PM

  9. Dear Sister Madly. I am just a bit worried. The Sister Mady with whom I fell in love (note the pedantic grammar) has just liked my pics of spring blossom. I would have thought you had more on your crazily bright pink mind all about adventure and mayhem than to behave so pedestrianly . However I will continue to dream at night, even if I have to be dutiful during daylight hours.

    Like

    September 26, 2014 at 12:47 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Sometimes I like to stop and smell the cherry blossoms before chopping the tree down… 🙂

      Like

      September 26, 2014 at 10:46 AM

  10. What fun you have! I can’t imagine anything better then kissing people who throw wet sponges in your face…no wait, I can imagine a few things. Cleaning toilets perhaps? 😉

    Is this some odd mating ritual I have yet to observe? Because it does seem to bear a slight resemblance to marriage. The wet sponges, wailing barbarians, and face in the compost, all have a familiar ring to them.

    Like

    September 27, 2014 at 12:11 PM

    • Sister Madly

      If that was a mating ritual, it was highly unsuccessful. 😀

      “… wet sponges, wailing barbarians…” I think I have my sister’s wedding toast all set! Thank you!

      Like

      September 27, 2014 at 8:51 PM

  11. Always a pleasure to see a new post from you Sister Madly.

    Like

    September 30, 2014 at 7:10 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Even a greater pleasure to hear from an ally… 😉

      Like

      September 30, 2014 at 7:45 PM

  12. Pingback: Sister Madly and the Bad Kitty | John Thursday

  13. you rock wild one

    Like

    October 7, 2014 at 5:02 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I do my best 😀

      Like

      October 7, 2014 at 5:55 PM

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