Chasing Moonbeams and Sliding Down Rainbows

While Sister Madly has her moments of cynicism, rumors persist of her tragic idealism: dancing amongst the fireflies, chasing moonbeams and sliding down rainbows. This blind optimism not only dreams of one day watching the sunset in Morocco, but once led her to believe that it would be a good idea to use a corkscrew to drill a hole in the wall, that she would like Notes from Underground, and that the paper bag she had set fire to was full of fireworks when in fact it was the Professor’s lunch.

This idealism, you see, is not always for the best.

Earth-at-night2

Greetings, Sister Madly!
Wish you were here.

It was with this same idealistic spirit that Sister Madly embarked on a wilderness* hike with the slightly more wilderness-savvy Tallulah that Friday afternoon. While their urban rambles have been pleasant, they decided to get out and experience wildlife in its natural habitat, right down to the kitty looking down on them from the hill. Naturally, Sister Madly wanted to pet and play with the kitty, so she attempted to summoned it with the universal Here Kitty, Kitty gesture of gently slapping one’s own knees.

*A trail along a pond-like body of water less than a quarter of a mile behind your typical minivan/soccer mom infested neighborhood.

It was a disappointment for Sister Madly when she realized that not all cats respond to the universal Here Kitty, Kitty gesture, almost as much as discovering the error in believing that when she returns from the market, the bathroom sink will still be attached to the wall. But disappointments are a part of this life, and even though Sister Madly might respond to the Here Kitty, Kitty gesture herself (it’s a working theory, as no one has ever attempted to summon Sister Madly in this manner) not all of God’s creatures are as trusting.

cougar

Then for perhaps the first time in her life, Sister Madly was grateful that nature did not impart unto the feline species the instinct to respond to the Here Kitty, Kitty gesture, for in that moment it became clear that she was not calling to a small kitty a few yards away, but an awfully big kitty further up the hill.

Yes, Sister Madly, that kitty that you so wanted to cuddle and pet, and whom you thought would want to bat at the fun little stick you had found was an adolescent cougar on the prowl. When are you going to face the fact that you are not 5 anymore? That you are mortal, that things can go wrong and most likely will? Are you just going to assume that the beast lumbering by the river is Care Bear until you realize that not only is the creature not blue, he does not have a giant thundercloud on his stomach? Or that the furry thing prancing in the meadow is just a harmless little bunny, all the while ignoring the man who some call ‘Tim’ warning you of death awaiting with nasty, pointy teeth?

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In the midst of Sister Madly‘s life passing before her eyes was distant voice of Tallulah, reciting the bit of information she retained from the What To Do If Confronted By A Cougar pamphlet she had read once upon a time. Unfortunately, she could only recall step 2: Make yourself look as large as possible.

When they say ‘large,’ do they mean that you should make yourself appear very tall, or very wide? Tall would require Sister Madly climbing up on Tallulah’s shoulders, which would inevitably land them both in the stinky pond with the minnows; but all wide would entail is the girls standing side-by-side, which was pretty much what they were doing and have been doing for the last few minutes.

When the cougar made no effort to confront the duo, Sister Madly figured that he simply was not hungry. But since when has that stopped a cougar? Do they not also maul for sport? And if one is not going to maul for sport or for food, then one might as well sleep. Sleep is a very lovely thing not to be wasted by staring off into space.

This can only mean one thing: the cougar did not respond to the Here Kitty, Kitty gesture not because nature failed to impart the instinct to do so, but that he was held at bay by the apparent largeness of the duo. Thus side-by-side must be the preferred method of appearing as large as possible.

Perhaps Sister Madly has what it takes to survive in the wild; perhaps deep down, she was a warrior at heart. All in all, there was a sense of relief in knowing that, should she ever be driven to the wilderness by giant man-eating cabbages, she would live to tell the tale.

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The Warrior Queens through the eyes of Sister Madly, idealist.

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The Warrior Queens through the eyes of Awfully Big Kitty, realist.

Just face it, Sister Madly: your survival skills, though artistic, are suicidal.

POST’S THEME SONG: Walk on the Wild Side, Mick Harvey

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17 responses

  1. Soccer moms and cougars…wait a minute…truly you were surrounded by wildlife. Be careful out there, Sister.

    Like

    September 11, 2014 at 6:50 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Put that soccer mom in a minivan and no one is safe!

      Like

      September 11, 2014 at 1:38 PM

  2. Cnawan Fahey

    Sister Madly, Here kitty, kitty, kitty…. (well, it was worth a try!)

    Like

    September 11, 2014 at 7:43 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Hmmm… perhaps visual aid is needed as well, so Sister Madly knows in which direction to head when summoned.

      Or perhaps she is just feeling lazy today.

      Liked by 1 person

      September 11, 2014 at 1:47 PM

  3. “Sister Madly and the Bloody Big Cat” sounds like potentially interesting title for a children’s book.
    “Sister Madly’s Artistic Guide to Survival” would be a bestseller, perhaps since no-one who followed its directions would return to complain.
    “Awfully Big Kitty vs. The Warrior Queens” would make an interesting… something. I honestly don’t know.

    Liked by 2 people

    September 13, 2014 at 4:00 PM

    • Sister Madly

      We could combine the first two and create a Pop-Up Survival Guide for Children.

      That last one, however, has the ominous ring of prophecy. Should I encounter another giant kitty… well, I can’t say I wasn’t warned.

      Like

      September 13, 2014 at 5:23 PM

  4. elmediat

    Very zen – the sound of two Warrior Queens clapping ” Here Kitty Kitty ” in the woods.
    Does any cougar hear them ?

    Next time remember to take your digital devices into the wireless woods so you can lynx up to the cougar alert web-site. 😀

    A purrrrrfectly enjoyable post.

    Like

    September 13, 2014 at 8:35 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Perhaps the cougar didn’t hear us- perhaps he was meditating. He certainly seemed cerebral.

      I should have taken some sort of digital device along, if for no other reason than to prove that I wasn’t lion about the whole thing. 😉

      Like

      September 13, 2014 at 8:55 PM

  5. Please never get on an intergalactic transport for then we would all probably disappear.

    Like

    September 14, 2014 at 3:25 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Probably. But isn’t that a risk worth taking?

      Like

      September 14, 2014 at 11:58 AM

  6. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    CHASING MOONBEAMS….VERSUS THE AWFUL REALITY OF PEOPLE?

    Like

    September 15, 2014 at 3:43 PM

  7. LOL, survival skills are simple, they just involve trying not doing anything incredibly stupid. I encountered a cougar once when I was 12. I tried the usual intelligent things, “shoo kitty, go home!” Then I threw my peanut butter and jelly sandwich at it. Then I ran, which is not such a good idea either, since you tend to look like a scurrying mouse to a cat and they like to play with their food. I got lucky, the cougar was either lazy, full, or had attention deficit order or something.

    There are a lot of cougar where I live, but the animal that injures the most people is deer, not just from car wrecks. Tourists like to approach them as if they where care bears and locals like to catch the resulting assault, on camera. It’s a bit offensive to the pride, but yes, even the herbivores can take us down.

    Like

    September 16, 2014 at 1:18 PM

    • Sister Madly

      The problem is that I don’t realize that what I am doing is stupid until it’s done.

      But from now on, I will take a PB sandwich with me whenever I go hiking- and maybe something for the deer as well.

      Like

      September 16, 2014 at 2:05 PM

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