Lotus Tealight ~ Lost in Translation

Sister Madly does not suffer fools gladly, but when she just happens to be that fool, she gets really cheesed off.

She was not yet a fool the day she arrived at the Renaissance Faire over ten years ago, but little did she know the plot to make her so was already in the works. The onslaught began when, while sidetracked by a troupe juggling several cans of Spam, Sister Madly felt what she assumed were little stones pelting her in the back. She turned to find the Dodo bombarding her with Dum Dums.

001

It was good of him to remember who she was.

This, of course, was unacceptable; Sister Madly was merely watching a couple cans of Spam being tossed around in the name of entertainment- while on her best behavior, she might add, all of which came to an end with the Dum Dum Assault. So it was out of impulse rather than forethought that Sister Madly took out the Dodo with a well-aimed mini corn dog to the beak- which she immediately regretted, because that was her last mini corn dog and she was still rather peckish. She also regretted not having covered it in mustard first.

The crowd nearby somehow found her actions inappropriate, so consumed were they with Dodo Worship they failed to noticed that the old bird had just assaulted her with a flurry of Dum Dums. It was the goblin-like urchin with the supreme vocal skills who took it upon himself to reprimand her.

And what crisp repartee would this clown have to offer?

“He throws Dum Dums at everyone- he’s a Plague Doctor!” *

* The logic of this statement still escapes Sister Madly. If anyone is able to shed some light on the matter, feel free to do so. Sister Madly is all for enlightenment.

dum dums

Ancient Plague Medication

Her desire for revenge was stunned into silence by this cryptic message, of whose idle pondering led her to a pavilion that specialized in family histories. Had this pavilion dropped anchor elsewhere, Sister Madly might have strolled off into the sunset in unspoken bewilderment, never to be seen nor heard of again. However, the idea of having aristocratic roots intrigued her out of this contemplation to ultimately become the person she is today- no one’s saying that this is most fortunate; it’s just what happened.

Of all the names available, she was unable to find either her surname or her mother’s maiden name. There were a few other names further up the family tree that she was able to recall, but only one yielded anything of interest. It was said to be a noble name, complete with a coat of arms, a family crest, even a motto- which was in Latin, lending to the illusion of the utmost prestige. Sister Madly left the Faire that day with a fistful of Dum Dums and the motto written on the back of her hand.

Later that night, she consulted what had to be the first- certainly, the only- online Latin translator to solve this puzzle. These translators have greatly improved over the years, but at that time there was no reason to doubt the accuracy of the ancient one. Latin is often regarded as universal, so how could things possibly go wrong?

Strength, Honor and a Soft-Shelled Almond.

For a moment there, she thought it was some sort of riddle, but she could no more solve it anymore than she could unravel the secret of the aforementioned Dum Dum-Throwing Dodo. She then suspected a typo, but no matter how it was entered into the translator- as the entire motto, or by section- it always came out the same:

Strength, Honor and a Soft-Shelled Almond.

vintage-ancient-WTF-old-picture-13

Sister Madly is less perplexed by this picture
than she is by the motto. Or the Dum Dum-throwing Dodo.

Gone were the daydreams of ancestral revelry; the estate that she was entitled to in Europe was suddenly reduced to a blasted heath. There was a certain romance in the notion of an ancestor stealing away in the night to start a life in the New World, only to be devastated by the likelihood that he was merely an escapee from some tawdry asylum. Try as she might, Sister Madly was unable to work up much enthusiasm at being the descendant of a family of strong, honorable nuts.

And if you’re sitting there wondering what to do with that old cheese board and picture frame…

Lotus4

POST’S THEME SONG: A Lack of Understanding, The Vaccines

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18 responses

  1. Greetings from the professor!

    Like

    April 23, 2014 at 8:21 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Why, thank you. And G’day to you!

      (Be advised, this took a great deal of courage on Sister Madly’s part, as most of the professors in her life are- or turn out to be- Mad.)

      Like

      April 23, 2014 at 1:26 PM

  2. That was quite delightful. Ah, the Ren Faire memories..

    As to suffering fools gladly, I have learned to do so, not only because I have to live with myself, but because They Walk Among US in great numbers. A genuine nut of the soft shelled variety, taught me how to praise fools and cheer yourself up. He would yell out the window, “did you just steal my parking spot? I love it, you really are the biggest jerk on the planet. How awesome!” Or, “did you just drop gum on the hot sidewalk? How delightfully evil! I’ve never met a villain quite as sticky as you.”

    Trust me, I lived in fear of this man’s praise.

    Like

    April 23, 2014 at 10:02 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Wow! That would probably leave me wandering around town in utter confusion- if I still retained the courage to leave the house in the morning.

      Like

      April 23, 2014 at 12:19 PM

  3. Ah. You have the Dodo, I have gnomes. At least gnomes have never pelted me with anything, yet… medicinal or otherwise.

    Like

    April 23, 2014 at 4:15 PM

    • Sister Madly

      We all have an arch nemesis. Or seven.

      Like

      April 23, 2014 at 4:45 PM

  4. You were cheesed, but at least you weren’t bored.

    Like

    April 23, 2014 at 7:38 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Oh, bored I was not!

      Like

      April 23, 2014 at 9:20 PM

  5. Shake any family tree hard enough and a few nuts are bound to fall out, I suppose them being strong and honorable is the best we can ask for. Oh and that reminds me, I should probably stay away from Renaissance Faires.

    Like

    April 24, 2014 at 9:13 PM

    • Sister Madly

      A few honorable nuts is one thing- but so many that it becomes the family motto?

      Also, I haven’t encountered the Dodo in years, so any visit to the Faire should be safe- unless, of course, you know something I don’t…

      Like

      April 24, 2014 at 9:36 PM

      • It is entirely possible I do know something you do not, though most likely it doesn’t include dodos. Ornithology never was my subject.

        Like

        April 24, 2014 at 9:40 PM

        • Sister Madly

          If you are willing to share, I am willing to listen! Sister Madly is all for enlightenment.

          “Dodo” was my initial response to his appearance, although later the thought of “He looks like the ugly creature from Dark Crystal” became prevalent. I would eventually learn that he proudly went by the ugly creature’s name of Skeksis, thus such name-calling would not have been an insult to the old bird.

          Like

          April 24, 2014 at 9:56 PM

        • Skeksis, you say well that is a different story, next time I might recommend black candles and shotguns instead of corn dogs, or try Salisbury steaks if your really desperate.

          Like

          April 24, 2014 at 10:07 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I was young and foolish in the day, thus a mini corn dog was a formidable weapon.
          I am now willing to embrace the power of the Salisbury Steak against an unsuspecting beaked creature- thank you, my friend, for info that may potentially save my life.

          Like

          April 24, 2014 at 10:14 PM

  6. wow! this sure is nutty stuff…..love it grafff . the enlightenment is vaguely enough.

    Liked by 1 person

    June 28, 2015 at 6:12 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Things get nutty quite often- that’s what makes it fun ;c)

      Like

      June 29, 2015 at 9:44 AM

  7. Reblogged this on hocuspocus13 and commented:
    jinxx ♠ xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    July 6, 2015 at 5:27 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you!!

      Like

      July 6, 2015 at 9:24 AM

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