3 AM Rationale
Submitted for your approval, a corkscrew stuck in the wall. Guess who was responsible for that.
It began after midnight, as these things often do; Sister Madly couldn’t sleep, which we now know can lead to bouts of psychosis and 3 AM Rationale. For those of you who sleep through the night, 3 AM Rationale is the turning point where your most deranged thoughts and ideas suddenly make perfect sense. Indeed, many wonderful tragedies were devised under the Rationale; it is a wonder that Sister Madly has yet to be prescribed a sleeping pill.
It wasn’t long before the Rationale began its usual seduction. Thoughts of the universe and its wonders became whispers of how, exactly, to conquer it; and after coming to the conclusion that the gum she likes is never going to come back in style, it became absolutely necessary to hang a picture in the kitchen. Fortunately, Sister Madly retained enough sense to veto the use of a hammer at 3 AM, deciding that the next best thing would be a corkscrew.
Who would have thought that misfortune would come of this?
Baffled by this sudden turn in events, Sister Madly handled the situation in her usual fashion by going back to bed. Surely the situation will have righted itself by morning.
Not long after, the Rationale began to deteriorate. She kept seeing things out of the corner of her eye, and constantly wondered why the refrigerator never made THAT sound before. The odds were good, she decided, that she had just penetrated Pandora’s Box, thus removing the corkscrew would release all the evil not only into her apartment, but into the world. She could live with that; it was the other possible dangers pouring out of her wall that made her uneasy, such as asbestos or packing peanuts, or fennel-flavored toothpaste. Sister Madly was now faced with the possibility that what an age-old cult had failed to do by designs, she may have done with a corkscrew.
Way to go, Sister Madly.
Funny how easy it was to remove the corkscrew in the end, aided by a chair and a pair of pliers. At 3 AM, however, this same task was not only impossible, but posed a threat to all humanity. Yes, sometimes it is hard to believe that there ever was a night, in the light of day.
This weekend, Sister Madly will be undergoing an intense therapy known as “Sleeping In” in the hopes of preventing similar escapades. God forbid the Professors learn of this latest one.*
*Seeing as the population outside that horrid little pancake house next door hasn’t diminished in the least, we can safely assume that dead Cthulhu still lies dreaming in his house at R’lyeh on the other side of her wall.
POST’S THEME SONG: Altered States, Mike Oldfield