3 AM Rationale

Submitted for your approval, a corkscrew stuck in the wall. Guess who was responsible for that.

007

It began after midnight, as these things often do; Sister Madly couldn’t sleep, which we now know can lead to bouts of psychosis and 3 AM Rationale. For those of you who sleep through the night, 3 AM Rationale is the turning point where your most deranged thoughts and ideas suddenly make perfect sense. Indeed, many wonderful tragedies were devised under the Rationale; it is a wonder that Sister Madly has yet to be prescribed a sleeping pill.

It wasn’t long before the Rationale began its usual seduction. Thoughts of the universe and its wonders became whispers of how, exactly, to conquer it; and after coming to the conclusion that the gum she likes is never going to come back in style, it became absolutely necessary to hang a picture in the kitchen. Fortunately, Sister Madly retained enough sense to veto the use of a hammer at 3 AM, deciding that the next best thing would be a corkscrew.

Who would have thought that misfortune would come of this?

Baffled by this sudden turn in events, Sister Madly handled the situation in her usual fashion by going back to bed. Surely the situation will have righted itself by morning.

Not long after, the Rationale began to deteriorate. She kept seeing things out of the corner of her eye, and constantly wondered why the refrigerator never made THAT sound before. The odds were good, she decided, that she had just penetrated Pandora’s Box, thus removing the corkscrew would release all the evil not only into her apartment, but into the world. She could live with that; it was the other possible dangers pouring out of her wall that made her uneasy, such as asbestos or packing peanuts, or fennel-flavored toothpaste. Sister Madly was now faced with the possibility that what an age-old cult had failed to do by designs, she may have done with a corkscrew.

cthulhu wall

Way to go, Sister Madly.

Funny how easy it was to remove the corkscrew in the end, aided by a chair and a pair of pliers. At 3 AM, however, this same task was not only impossible, but posed a threat to all humanity. Yes, sometimes it is hard to believe that there ever was a night, in the light of day.

This weekend, Sister Madly will be undergoing an intense therapy known as “Sleeping In” in the hopes of preventing similar escapades. God forbid the Professors learn of this latest one.*

*Seeing as the population outside that horrid little pancake house next door hasn’t diminished in the least, we can safely assume that dead Cthulhu still lies dreaming in his house at R’lyeh on the other side of her wall.

POST’S THEME SONG: Altered States, Mike Oldfield

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26 responses

  1. John Thursday

    Genius, as usual. Appropriate picture of Cthulhu. Also, quite an impressive bouquet of flavours in that soup. Please don’t take the sleeping pills. The world needs Sister Madly.

    Like

    March 19, 2014 at 9:05 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Hee hee- thanks! Actually, I’ve heard that a lot of sleeping pills have side effects, such as sleep-driving and even sleep-shopping, and there is a small part of Sister Madly that is curious as to where she would end up and what she would buy (but I try not to encourage that particular part of her.)

      Like

      March 19, 2014 at 11:36 AM

  2. Somehow your sleepless nights are far more interesting than mine: I usually just go read a book til my eyes are watery, go back to bed, toss and turn, repeat.

    Like

    March 19, 2014 at 10:16 AM

    • Sister Madly

      They only seem interesting in retrospect. These particular nights are usually a combination of boredom and a constant internal dialogue (can’t stop myself from thinking!) which leads to sleeplessness. A book does help if that internal dialogue thing isn’t there.

      Like

      March 19, 2014 at 11:40 AM

  3. Also: will have to try the soup.

    Like

    March 19, 2014 at 10:17 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Hope you like it! Garlic, garlic everywhere! 🙂

      Like

      March 19, 2014 at 11:40 AM

  4. That stew looks lovely. In my opinion, garlic and olive oil are the two most important food groups known to man. You could probably fry socks in garlic and olive oil and people would enjoy eating them. I have a couple of people in mind to try this out on…

    Like

    March 19, 2014 at 12:33 PM

    • Sister Madly

      Garlic has saved many a veggie saute for me. Honestly, I don’t understand these recipes that call for ‘1 clove of garlic, chopped.’ What’s up with that?

      Hope you enjoy the soup, should you try it out. Certainly makes the house smell delish!

      (And I do have some old socks lying around…)

      Like

      March 19, 2014 at 12:59 PM

    • It does look awfully good and at least I like the thing I’m imagining it tastes like.

      Like

      March 22, 2014 at 1:49 PM

  5. Soup is good food – and is sleepymaking enough for this guy

    Like

    March 19, 2014 at 5:14 PM

    • Sister Madly

      That is a gift, my friend. Pray that you never lose it.

      Like

      March 19, 2014 at 10:57 PM

  6. Sister Madly, you have won me over. I have duly noted your observations and I only wish I was there to reassure you that the big bad Cthulhu is more a hipster fixation than something to actually fear. Of course, I could be wrong, which brings me back to my wish to console you. That said, I look forward to enjoying my own delicious batch of saffron garlic soup.

    Like

    March 20, 2014 at 6:29 PM

    • Sister Madly

      At 3 AM, any noise in the apartment is an intruder, Cthulhu or some other god Lovecraft managed to create out of a bad Scrabble hand. During the day, it is most likely a leak from the neighbor’s bathtub upstairs. I should probably do something about that.

      Like

      March 20, 2014 at 8:03 PM

      • This actually gives me an idea for the next time I play Scrabble. Put down the contents of said hand, and when people start to doubt me, I’ll just look at them and whisper, “YOU FOOLS…. IN TIME IT WILL BECOME CLEAR.”

        Like

        May 7, 2014 at 12:25 PM

        • Sister Madly

          LOVE IT!!!

          Like

          May 7, 2014 at 1:56 PM

  7. Wicked prose. Captivating. Have you considered ratcheting up 3 AM rationale employing espresso as vector?

    Like

    March 21, 2014 at 2:39 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I must admit, a 3 AM espresso has never once crossed my mind. It could introduce a whole new world- but would it be a friendly one?

      Like

      March 21, 2014 at 11:11 PM

      • As with any implement, results are conditional to usage. You could wield a Stradivarius to crack hazelnuts or you could ply it to play Tchaikovsky.

        Like

        March 22, 2014 at 12:04 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I am in awe of your wise words- almost as much as the image they have created. 😀

          Like

          March 22, 2014 at 2:16 PM

  8. I can relate to the alternate reality that exists at 3 am….still, how did the soup come in. Wonderful recipe, I must try

    Like

    March 24, 2014 at 8:08 PM

    • Sister Madly

      The soup was the result of 3 PM rationale… I think…

      Like

      March 24, 2014 at 11:14 PM

  9. You have a post theme song? Genius! 🙂 When my cooking abilities are a little more refined, I look forward to attempting to make this beautiful dish. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Like

    April 17, 2014 at 5:07 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Each DAY should have a theme song! 🙂 I hope you enjoy the soup, should you make it. Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

      April 17, 2014 at 9:56 AM

  10. locksley2010

    Misadventures followed by a soup recipe? Genius!

    Like

    September 14, 2014 at 1:41 AM

    • Sister Madly

      One needs nourishment after misadventures for future misadventures! 😀

      Like

      September 14, 2014 at 11:51 AM

      • locksley2010

        Damn right!

        Liked by 1 person

        September 14, 2014 at 11:52 AM

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