An Altered Book of Poe ~ A Clock to Devour Your Soul

Sister Madly left her shoes out last night. She knows this because she stepped on them first thing this morning, which wouldn’t be a problem except that her shoes have spikes all over them.

Shoes

The reason for this oversight, no doubt, is the new clock. Just last week Sister Madly came home with one lovingly handcrafted by the Elder Ones, themselves, with nuclear blue numbers and an alarm the envy of every doomsday device. She does not like blue numbers; they light up the entire room. Even with her eyes closed, Sister Madly can tell you exactly what time it is.

This clock, which was purchased to help nudge Sister Madly into rational adulthood by way of responsibility, has yet to fulfill its duty. The other night, she was so bored that she actually got mad. She couldn’t come up with any what-happens-when-you-do-this curiosities to engage in, nor could she think of any what-the-hell purchases to make, although her revenge list was immediately updated when one of her neighbors detonated several cans of tuna. She’s just not sure which neighbor that is.

Cthulhu clock

The real issue here is not the nuclear blue numbers as it is the resulting lack of sleep, which reduces Sister Madly to a state of mind-boggling insanity. She was certain that the words ‘Life Stinks’ were printed across a package of hot dogs, that there was someone crouched on the staircase outside her window, that Tallulah was suddenly 3 feet taller and her hair 3 feet shorter, and that there was something methodically devouring the underside of her bed. She still swears by that last one.

So when she was once again subjected to the Rorschach Test, she reacted with the most appalling tantrum by demanding chocolate milk. Should you ever find yourself in this situation, make note that this behavior can usually be contained by bubble wrap, a patty melt*, or a significant amount of duct tape.

*Sister Madly’s obsessions change without notice. While the patty melt is her current indulgence, it may just as well be poutine tomorrow. Or Lucky Charms. Or something sparkly. (She does not eat the sparkly.)

When Sister Madly finally managed to see a Butterfly in the ink, the Professor deduced that she really meant Black Lung Disease and analyzed accordingly.

Her response to this was that Rod Serling has no upper lip.

“Of course he has,” the Professor said, “otherwise, his face would unravel.”

rod-serlingNo upper lip. None.

The clock has since disappeared. So has the cast-iron skillet. The two may be related.

On a side note, this is what Sister Madly did to her Poe book.

Alt Book2

POST’S THEME SONG: The Lunatics, The Specials and Fun Boy Three

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19 responses

  1. Beautiful! Somebody wise just taught me, “I’m not riding the crazy train, I’m driving the darn thing!” I feels so much better now. Your lack of sleep also makes me think of “Enter the Sandman,” because what’s more relaxing then a bit of heavy metal?

    Like

    February 19, 2014 at 8:24 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Heavy metal and pints of hard cider, that’s what! Full on psychosis!

      Like

      February 19, 2014 at 1:15 PM

  2. Nice! I’m impressed, unless you do it for a living.

    Like

    February 19, 2014 at 3:14 PM

    • Sister Madly

      I neither alter books, demolish clocks, nor engage in hallucinations for a living- although that last one could be kinda fun.

      Like

      February 19, 2014 at 6:54 PM

      • Artists do it, right?

        Like

        February 19, 2014 at 7:09 PM

        • Sister Madly

          The term ‘starving artist’ makes me think that they aren’t make that much of a living at it.

          Like

          February 19, 2014 at 7:34 PM

        • But they’re hallucinating that they’re eating, so it works out. At least, until they die.

          Like

          February 19, 2014 at 7:52 PM

        • Sister Madly

          I would think that hunger pains would be the last link to reality- unless it’s the cause of the hallucinations.
          Now I just confused myself.

          Like

          February 19, 2014 at 8:15 PM

        • Oh dear. Get some coffee, quick!

          Like

          February 20, 2014 at 3:06 AM

        • Sister Madly

          Make that chocolate milk!

          Like

          February 20, 2014 at 9:31 PM

        • Indeed. Good stuff.

          Like

          February 21, 2014 at 3:38 AM

  3. Awesome book! Sometime I’ll have to come out with a special edition of one of my horror books looking like that!

    Like

    February 26, 2014 at 12:51 AM

    • Sister Madly

      That would be awesome to see! And thank you for the compliment- and for stopping by!

      Like

      February 26, 2014 at 1:24 PM

  4. Edgar A Poe would be proud of you! Great read my dear 🙂

    Like

    June 19, 2014 at 8:09 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Thank you! I had a lot of fun with it.

      Like

      June 19, 2014 at 11:23 AM

  5. Reblogged this on hocuspocus13 and commented:
    jinxx xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    August 21, 2014 at 11:31 AM

  6. <————- knows about duct tape

    Like

    February 19, 2015 at 7:37 AM

    • Sister Madly

      Indeed?

      Like

      February 19, 2015 at 2:44 PM

      • <—— Tin Smith, Commercial & Industrial Air Systems

        It's good for everything but what it was designed for.

        Liked by 1 person

        February 20, 2015 at 3:22 AM

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